;)
Monday
Feb022009
This Almost Doesn't Make Sense to Me, Either.
Monday, February 2, 2009 at 2:15AM
First: You'll never have to hear it again, I swear. Voting for the 2009 Bloggies ends today, and I really wouldn't mind coming in 4th place instead of dead last, so if you haven't voted, well, don't make me beg. It's unbecoming. While you're there, Secret Agent Mama is up for Best Photog, Blog Nosh is up for Best New Blog and Best Blog Design, all of my favorite Aussie blogs are up for Best Australian, Craftastrophe is up for Best Arts & Crafts, BlogHer is up for Best Communtiy and Television Without Pity is up for Best Entertainment and, well, um, The Donor sort of knows the girl that started that. Um, you know, *knows*? Yeah, vote for it. Moving on....
Secondly: I am not many things. I am not a professional anything. I barely qualify as a mother on my best days. What I am, however, is someone who is very capable of learning from her own mistakes. Which are many in numbers. The most recent thing I've learned: I am NOT a doctor. Hell, I'm not even a pharmacist.
A really long time ago, I was prescribed some lovely brain candy to treat a whole bunch of stuff that began with Post. It was gorgeous. It worked like a charm, and I didn't chew my fingernails or grind my teeth or freak out about my new baby. And then I stopped taking it. The worst things that happened when I stopped were treatable by a manicurist and a dentist.
And then a not so long time ago, I started some new brain candy. If the old stuff was Tootsie Pops, the new stuff would be Pop Rocks: Hard core, has urban legends about. It did what it was supposed to do, which was to work without me noticing it was working, and it had one totally freaking fabulously awesomeiddity (is to a word) side effect that if I explained to you, I'd be crossing the imaginary line my husband has drawn in the sand for what I can and cannot tell you about our relationship. Yes, he actually has one and yes, I actually stick to it. Kind of.
*ahem*
Of course I didn't realize said awesomeness had anything to do with the pills and not the fact that I'm finally that age where parts of you peak until I decided that since I hadn't noticed any effects of the pills, they must not be having any and I stopped taking them. Because I'm that moron.
Thankfully, nothing too major came of my sudden cessation of medication, but I did notice that something was different. Just a subtle, quiet little something way in the back of my head, just enough that I realized maybe I shouldn't go running around self unmedicating.
You know what the Pop Rocks pills didn't ever help? The nails, the teeth, the tension. The obvious stuff. I realized I really missed that, and dear god in heaven I needed Awesome Side Effect to come back, so I decided to start taking both the Pop Rocks and the Tootsie Pops again, together. I asked my doctor first, shut up.
I started the Tootsie Pops first, and waited for the Miracle From Heaven that they brought the first time to rain down on me again. It didn't. So I added the Pop Rocks back in. And I waited. I waited kind of a while and the Tootsie Pops never really did much of anything that I needed them to. I'm sure they did something, but not what I cared for them to. So after a few months on both, I decided that I didn't want to unnecessarily take two medications when only one was doing what I wanted it to. So I dropped the Tootsie Pops.
Smarter things in my life I've done include but are not limited to: wearing white pants and a maxi-pad, upside down, twice; letting my 8 year old color my hair; walking 2 blocks home from 7-11 to find my car stolen from outside of my house, then remembering almost an hour later that I'd driven it the 2 blocks to 7-11.
I figured that I'd quit them once before with absolutely no ill effects whatsoever, but what I didn't figure was that maybe I was on, like, 4 times the dosage the second time around.
Hello withdrawals.
Of course, I wasn't expecting withdrawals and so I didn't realize that they were withdrawals and I instead figured I'd caught the stomach flu, then the regular flu, then the plague, and then I was clearly either being poisoned with carbon monoxide, experimented on by aliens, or even worse, pregnant.
Insomnia is a funny, funny thing. I've never really had it before, and all I can say is I'm glad I didn't have a day job. Also, being a zombie must really suck. No wonder they eat everyone's brains; they're pissed that you can SLEEP.
The good news is that after only a few (of the freaking longest of my life) weeks, I could see straight, my head didn't hurt, I wasn't afraid to leave my house anymore, the vertigo was gone and I got to sleep. Finally. The bad news is that hot flashes in the middle of the night have nothing at all to do with withdrawing from the Tootsie Pops, and that just insists on happening anyway.
Hello menopause.
Secondly: I am not many things. I am not a professional anything. I barely qualify as a mother on my best days. What I am, however, is someone who is very capable of learning from her own mistakes. Which are many in numbers. The most recent thing I've learned: I am NOT a doctor. Hell, I'm not even a pharmacist.
A really long time ago, I was prescribed some lovely brain candy to treat a whole bunch of stuff that began with Post. It was gorgeous. It worked like a charm, and I didn't chew my fingernails or grind my teeth or freak out about my new baby. And then I stopped taking it. The worst things that happened when I stopped were treatable by a manicurist and a dentist.
And then a not so long time ago, I started some new brain candy. If the old stuff was Tootsie Pops, the new stuff would be Pop Rocks: Hard core, has urban legends about. It did what it was supposed to do, which was to work without me noticing it was working, and it had one totally freaking fabulously awesomeiddity (is to a word) side effect that if I explained to you, I'd be crossing the imaginary line my husband has drawn in the sand for what I can and cannot tell you about our relationship. Yes, he actually has one and yes, I actually stick to it. Kind of.
*ahem*
Of course I didn't realize said awesomeness had anything to do with the pills and not the fact that I'm finally that age where parts of you peak until I decided that since I hadn't noticed any effects of the pills, they must not be having any and I stopped taking them. Because I'm that moron.
Thankfully, nothing too major came of my sudden cessation of medication, but I did notice that something was different. Just a subtle, quiet little something way in the back of my head, just enough that I realized maybe I shouldn't go running around self unmedicating.
You know what the Pop Rocks pills didn't ever help? The nails, the teeth, the tension. The obvious stuff. I realized I really missed that, and dear god in heaven I needed Awesome Side Effect to come back, so I decided to start taking both the Pop Rocks and the Tootsie Pops again, together. I asked my doctor first, shut up.
I started the Tootsie Pops first, and waited for the Miracle From Heaven that they brought the first time to rain down on me again. It didn't. So I added the Pop Rocks back in. And I waited. I waited kind of a while and the Tootsie Pops never really did much of anything that I needed them to. I'm sure they did something, but not what I cared for them to. So after a few months on both, I decided that I didn't want to unnecessarily take two medications when only one was doing what I wanted it to. So I dropped the Tootsie Pops.
Smarter things in my life I've done include but are not limited to: wearing white pants and a maxi-pad, upside down, twice; letting my 8 year old color my hair; walking 2 blocks home from 7-11 to find my car stolen from outside of my house, then remembering almost an hour later that I'd driven it the 2 blocks to 7-11.
I figured that I'd quit them once before with absolutely no ill effects whatsoever, but what I didn't figure was that maybe I was on, like, 4 times the dosage the second time around.
Hello withdrawals.
Of course, I wasn't expecting withdrawals and so I didn't realize that they were withdrawals and I instead figured I'd caught the stomach flu, then the regular flu, then the plague, and then I was clearly either being poisoned with carbon monoxide, experimented on by aliens, or even worse, pregnant.
Insomnia is a funny, funny thing. I've never really had it before, and all I can say is I'm glad I didn't have a day job. Also, being a zombie must really suck. No wonder they eat everyone's brains; they're pissed that you can SLEEP.
The good news is that after only a few (of the freaking longest of my life) weeks, I could see straight, my head didn't hurt, I wasn't afraid to leave my house anymore, the vertigo was gone and I got to sleep. Finally. The bad news is that hot flashes in the middle of the night have nothing at all to do with withdrawing from the Tootsie Pops, and that just insists on happening anyway.
Hello menopause.
Reader Comments (67)
Because I am somewhat anonymous and can be straightforward, I can say I had a similar thing happen when I cold-turkeyed off the high-dose Prozac/Wellbutrin combo I was on. Except with me, I had lucid dreams where I would see colored tubes of light (like that pipe style screensaver for PCs) with the added unpleasantry that I could still see them after I woke up and opened my eyes. To this day (two years later) I still have trouble falling asleep, even when my husband is in the same room. If the house is empty? Forget it. I could be on a fabulous combo of knock-you-on-your-ass Ativan and Ambien and I still wouldn't fall asleep. I fight it and fight it until the sun comes up.
I called a psychiatric helpline provided by my insurance co. and they just let me know that this was a common side-effect of going off the Wellbutrin cold-turkey. So much for Wellbutrin being a 'milder' anti-depressant. The doctor said the meds take 4 months to leave your system... they never bring that up when they're giving them to you, LOL.
Now I want you to ask the Donor how you have been to live with.
Yeah.
Would you like your slap now? One for playing with meds and another for wearing white pants.
great story. I'm the self-medicating type too. when I know exactly what meds I need cause I've done the internet searches, why the hell do I have to pay to go to the doctor and beg him to put me on it? Here in Spain it's a bit easier to just walk into the pharmacy and say what you need, "yeah, can i get some valium, please". Usually they'll say something like, "you really should have a prescription with this, but we'll let it slide this time".
That? Is AWESOME. I can soooo relate to the 7-11 trip. I spent the first 6 months of my motherhood experience freaking out that I was going to go somewhere and leave the baby in the back of the car. (With Both Children)
I really shouldn't be left alone with those two.
yeah. never a good plan to prescribe and also to take expired meds....not that IVE ever done THAT!
http://momofboxer.blogspot.com/2009/01/contest.html
I'm with Kelley. White pants? Gawd.
Nice roller coaster you put yourself on. Glad it's...um?...better!
Yeah to brain candy! If this did't exist then I think more mothers would be wondeing the world aimlessly, forgetting their kids at daycare. lol hope you get the meds figured out soon!
No. That can't be right... you are too young.
Really?
Is it wrong that I nodded and smiled, without having ever met you, when I read the 7-11 story? Dunno why, just seemed accurate.
Also? Menopause? Seriously?
I am the opposite...I just don't do anything. I can't imagine what will happen whe the big M happens...but I kind of like the pop rocks and tootsie pop idea!!
Hey Lady? Why is it called MENopause? Peace, Mike.
So, I really want to know what the pop rocks are... I could use that!
You are way too young for menopause.
I did the same thing with my car once when I drove it 2 blocks to the laundrymat. When I finally realized I had driven it and went back it had been towed.
This is why I gave up on being a therapist. People who NEED help, NEED medication and just go whatever they damn well please anyway. GAH. At least when someone ignores my advice now, all that happens is they get charged a late fee on their tuition bill. It is still annoying but not generally life threatening.
I never did figure out why it was called menopause. It should be called menostop.
Hey! I self medicate too, but usually it's alcoholic and mixed with soda. If you drink wine though you can have wicked hot flashed and pretend it's not menopause.
I think it's an after the third child thing. the night sweats just never stopped
kellie
::hugs:: Not quite sure what else to say. At least the withdrawal is over?
Holy schnikeys that had to suck!!
You put in a maxi pad backwards? TWICE? How did you NOT notice? Ouch.
Dood. I DID that. Quit three kinds of candy all of 12 minutes after seeing the 5th positive pregnancy test. That first trimester sahhh-ucked.
Menopause, eh? If only...I'm always cold, so I think I could use the hot flashes.
I would like to know what the Tootsie Pops were, because one of my hesitations about trying out this candy is that I will never have any of those positive side effects. Of course, I'm not on anything now, and I am having those side effects. Thought I had hormonal problems, blood tests say no. Now I'm blaming it on my b.c. God damn, if tossing that ring doesn't clear up my lack of desire to take walks with my husband, I'm absolving my husband of this marriage and moving to a convent. But all of this after I take over your comments with my bitching. Moving on.
omg the 7-11 story! so funny. and yes, I too will smack you for wearing white pants and playing with your stash. Stash, not snatch. Feel free to do that.
p.s. Thanks for the shout-out for Craftastrophe. You are our favorite reader.
I haven't slept well in more than 10 years, and now I have the peri-menopause stuff starting too. If Eve is responsible for all this, I'd like to take that apple out of her hand and chuck it at her head.
I love my brain candy and I don't think I will ever give it up unless my doctor can prescribe something better!
See, before this post I didn't think I could possibly love you more.
My mind simply couldn't wrap around it growing any further.
Now you're all fucking with my brain n' stuff.
Brain fucker.
I need brain candy.
I used to be on brain candy after the kiddos were born but stopped after a year....then they put me on thyroid candy, it's almost as goodbut I clearly still need brain candy...
Sometimes being a woman is just SO unfair!
You got awsomeness from brain candy??? All I ever got was a huge dose of "leave me the eff alone." And I tried just about every flavor. Finally went off it about a year ago, and got my own awsomeness back. (Then it took 10 months to find someone to share it with.) Awesome is worth whatever it takes.
Love the 7-11 story. Reminds me of the time I locked the keys in the car, with the car running and the baby sleeping in the back seat.
yeah, the braincandy does wonderful things. the withdrawals? suck ASS. that kind of insomnia is not for the weak, let me tell ya (oh wait...you already know that!!), because it's usually also accompanied by a few handfuls of crazy and also buckets of tears. but maybe that was just me.
glad you're over the worst part!
I predict the peakness rain-down on you effect will come back now that you are back to only Pop Rock. Stock up on terrible towels just in case.
I too would vote our menopause. I had night sweats before I knew my thyroid was bad and some of your other symptoms.
Menopause is a long long (like can take YEARS) before it is REALLY menopause. Menopause means "stopped bleeding" or something fancy like that. It is the PRE menopause that will kill you, or so I heard. I am waiting myself.
um vote OUT menopause not our. See what I mean? Another symptom, can't type!
That was one incredible brain candy post that I think I actually followed and understood! The brain candy sounds intriguing, the white pants upside-down maxi pad TWICE has got me laughing, the 7-11 story is a little too familiar to my current state of mind and the menopause??? Has me completely baffled!! You ARE too young - whaaaa?? Is it true?
You see it's pure genius and brilliance like "then I was clearly either being poisoned with carbon monoxide, experimented on by aliens, or even worse, pregnant" that keeps me coming back.
Once again, thank you for sharing. And I totally voted for you!
I want some candy. I wish it was Halloween.
you canucks get all the killer drugs. I'll bet ALL AMERICAN Michael Phelps was in Canada while he was giving that bong mouth to mouth trying to save the fire for dear life. I'm disgusted but I voted for you.
How can I be breastfeeding AND in peri-menopause? I don't even have anything smart-ass to say. For a change.
I've wondered the same thing...about the menopause that is. 35? Is that too young? Because there are nights where I would swear that we were living in the Sahara and not the Northwest.
Stupid hormones.
I get night sweats too... *looks for someone to remove his uterus*
Been there, done that, got the tee -shirt. And it says:
"I made it through brain wrenching, stomach churning, disgustingly dizzying withdrawal symptoms and all I got was this lousy tee-shirt."
Holy Shnikey!
Dude I am on what sounds like the Tootsie Pop and have been since my own Postpartum with Superman, five years ago. Recently i began to entertain the idea of weening off of the stuff until i googled the withdrawal symptoms and realized that I would have to be monitored by a staff of 12 professionals to do so.
Totally feeling your pain and yea, not the smartest thing to do, but hey, you prevailed.
Those are power surges, hon, not hot flashes.
Giving them an empowering title doesn't make them suck any less, though.
"Winning isn't everything, its the only thing" ~Mahatma Gandhi
You got my vote.
I could use some serious brain candy. I have the nasty insomnia business too and it's robbing me of all sanity. But white pants and upside down pads? Ew and BWAHAHAHAHA!
The last time I self-unmedicated I got some wild hair-brained idea that I wanted my ex to move back in. Yea...it took a week to realize I was that kind of MORON! Then it took a fucking year and a half to get the bastard to move back out. That'll teach me!
Cymbalta RULES!!!
Ack, you have such witty commenters to follow your witty and brilliant blog post. I've got nuthin'. Just wanted to leave a verbal hug. *Hug*
Okay, I would love to know what the pop rocks are. I've been on tons of meds and none have done that, although I really need them to. Please share.
Seriously? Menopause? No joke? You're way too young!
I have had the most spectacularly shittastic day in recent memory. But good lord, reading about you and 7-11 has sent me into a giggle fit that made it hard to breathe. Thanks for making my day better.