Saturday
Feb282009
Hostage
Saturday, February 28, 2009 at 4:05PM | Mr Lady
You know when you go to a blog you love and you are totally excited to see what little wordy gems they have strung together for your reading pleasure only to get there and realize that you were basically rickrolled? As you scan the computer screen you realize the blog author has left the keys to the coop to another blogger.
A guest poster. Which leads you with a dilemma. Do you read the guest poster's drivel and pretend to like it out of courtesy, or do you just click away in a huff while muttering to yourself about twatty bloggers?
You should think about that.
Cuz you've been rickrolled (with out the Rick, or really the roll) as Mr. Lady has stamped my bloggy passport to play in her wonderland as much as I want to.
Being the humble and vacation starved chick I am, I've taken her up on her desperate pleas offer and have started rooting through her unmentionables. I'm totally sitting on her couch naked.
It feels good.
It's not that Mr. Lady needs a blogging break or anything. Let's face it, she doesn't really do anything other than parent three kids. She spends most of her day time hours in a certain online foot fetish chat room, talking about arches and stilettos, while getting off on bunyon talk.
This is a woman who needs to blog just to remember how to talk to people without asking about their shoe size and inquiring if they've recently painted their toe nails.
However, tragedy has hit Mr. Lady's household.
Her computer bit the biscuit, kicked the bucket, bought the farm, went tits up...I could continue this but I'm sure we all get my point.
Her computer died.
One minute she was happily downloading porn from the net and the next minute she was weeping at the blue screen of doom.
Until Mr. Lady and the Donor waltz back into the 21st century with a freshly repaired computer and come back on line, I will be your host.
Floor is open people.
The call is yours. Do we take this time to write odes of love to Shannon?
Do we trash the joint?
Post naked pictures of ourselves er, her for all to ogle?
It's no secret. I'm easy. I just do what I'm told to do.
Keep that in mind.
Oh, and Shannon? Don't worry. I wouldn't do anything you yourself wouldn't do.
Snicker.
(My fingers were totally crossed behind my back. Neener, neener.)
A guest poster. Which leads you with a dilemma. Do you read the guest poster's drivel and pretend to like it out of courtesy, or do you just click away in a huff while muttering to yourself about twatty bloggers?
You should think about that.
Cuz you've been rickrolled (with out the Rick, or really the roll) as Mr. Lady has stamped my bloggy passport to play in her wonderland as much as I want to.
Being the humble and vacation starved chick I am, I've taken her up on her desperate pleas offer and have started rooting through her unmentionables. I'm totally sitting on her couch naked.
It feels good.
I'm totally staring at you from inside her box.
(Which sounds waaay dirtier on paper than it did in my head.)
It's not that Mr. Lady needs a blogging break or anything. Let's face it, she doesn't really do anything other than parent three kids. She spends most of her day time hours in a certain online foot fetish chat room, talking about arches and stilettos, while getting off on bunyon talk.
This is a woman who needs to blog just to remember how to talk to people without asking about their shoe size and inquiring if they've recently painted their toe nails.
However, tragedy has hit Mr. Lady's household.
Her computer bit the biscuit, kicked the bucket, bought the farm, went tits up...I could continue this but I'm sure we all get my point.
Her computer died.
One minute she was happily downloading porn from the net and the next minute she was weeping at the blue screen of doom.
Take a moment to hug your own computers, lest you find yourself staring at the same screen.
Until Mr. Lady and the Donor waltz back into the 21st century with a freshly repaired computer and come back on line, I will be your host.
Floor is open people.
The call is yours. Do we take this time to write odes of love to Shannon?
Do we trash the joint?
Post naked pictures of ourselves er, her for all to ogle?
It's no secret. I'm easy. I just do what I'm told to do.
Keep that in mind.
Oh, and Shannon? Don't worry. I wouldn't do anything you yourself wouldn't do.
Snicker.
(My fingers were totally crossed behind my back. Neener, neener.)
Reader Comments (83)
I say we all hijack her comments, Twitter-style. She'll come back to like 8000 comments. Wicked fun.
Okay, Comment number two of 8000.... I'm in.
Is this only three?? What is everyone DOing with their weekend?? This is fun! I'll be back...
If you really have access to her to her passwords and key to the house, then let's do something really fun, like do a spell check for Shannon and replace every instance with something else, like Sha-Na-Na, or change Mr. Lady to Mr. Lady Underwear. That would be hilarious.
OMG @everybody! the In-Laws plane has landed! Praise Jeebus!after 2 mths I will finally get a date night with hubs! (insert porn music here)
i think she'll know where to find us. i'm afraid of the wrath of Lady Khan.
@bpr - BOW CHICKA WOWOW
@Neil - now that is funny. Tanis - get to work!
I think we could tell stories about Mr. Lady. Like the time she followed me into my hotel room at BlogHer and tore off all my clothes....only to point and laugh.
I came here for my regular dose of sippycup whiskey and now I have yet another blog that I am going to become addicted to. You crack me up Redneck Mommy!
Off to read your whole blog now for the next few hours...days...weeks...er...could someone just check my kid regularly to make sure someone is throwing food in her general direction?
Change language settings to Mandarin. Wait for the weeping to begin.
@PersnicketyTicker yeah! what is it about kids and food? I feed them breakfast and four hours later they want lunch. THE NERVE!! Give a kid a cheerio and they take a mile of hot dogs..or somehting...
Just to make it all legit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI
That wasn't Mr. Lady, Karen dear. That was me.
@neil There is a wordpress plug in the replaces ALL words with the 'real' word for Johnson, bobby dangler, giggle stick, general-two-colonels, master of ceremonies... I could continue this but I’m sure we all get my point.
Oh this could be fun. I have an industrial sized roll of plastic wrap (don't ask) we could Saran Wrap her house.
I was wondering where she's been. I noticed I no longer got the fail whale due to her overtweetage.
One time I totally watched Mr. Lady eat a noddle off of the kitchen floor. Oh wait, that was my brother in law...my bad.
Oh no a double dose of Redneck with a whiskey twist sounds fabulous. Time to go get another beverage!!!
This is how Shannon should know she is truly loved by all in the blogosphere- she has officially been hijacked. Let the fun begin.
Shannon left you guys in charge? WTF? She's begging for a pantsing.
I have an announcement to make.
It's a bigger question than "Who shot JR?" or "Why the hell did Ginger pack her entire damn wardrobe if she was really going on a 3-hour-tour?"
I was going to wait to announce it on my blog, but I'm afraid I just can't pass up this opportunity.
Ehem...
MR. LADY IS THE FATHER OF MY FETUS.
It's true. I can no longer deny our love.
(Plus, I'm hoping now that there is public record of this I can birth in Canada so that it won't cost me the equivalent of my house. Heh.)
Mr. Lady is also the father of my only daughter, Ruffy. She's 7 now, Mr. Lady. You owe child support. Stop acting like a deadbeat dogfather.
comment moderation? pleh.
Well seeing I adore both you and Mr. Lady, I read all of your words.
I KNEW something was up with Shannon - I mean, where did she go? That was weird when no new words from her popped up in my reader!
But I'm surprised she only has this one computer! I've imagined her place in my head to be like a blogging control room with all kinds of monitors and computers and just all kinds of options to disperse her writing bad-ass-ness out into the blogosphere.
Okay I don't know how to end this comment - so bye.
You guys are f*cking incorrigible.
I love it.
I'm just surprised Her Bad Mother had time to laugh at Sugarpants naked when she is so busy whipping out her boobs for all to gaze upon and tossing bras at mens heads every damn day.
Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm all for freezing her underwear and taking naked pictures. This is going to be fun!
Well where did Shannon go? I think her computer is JUST FINE and she's at that porn camp for horny wives. What's it called again?
WWSBD?
I'm one of her BlogHer roomies, so I'll be taking suggestions & ideas on how to torment her in July. Any & all ideas welcomed.
Best idea wins a vlog about the tormenting.
bringit, suckas
These poor Pentecostal people. They have no idea they have a GIANT VAGINA up on their jumbotron advertising Sunday services. And instead of telling them, I just took pictures.
http://twitpic.com/1rgvb
First of all, Mr. Lady, get a mac. Seriously.
As for the blog, saran wrap is fun but aluminum foil is better. Then it's like little presents all over the house. Just do it right and wrap everything individually. Every knife, spoon and fork. I'll get started in the kitchen...
Instead of naked humans, why not line up a bunch of dolls/toys and let them represent the naked bloggers. I would guess they're more flexible than the rest of us. I know, it sounds twisted but I think Shannon would dig it. Although since I manipulated the beanie babies in her order from my wife's shop she hasn't spoken to me.... Hmmm....maybe I DO have a problem. ;)
Late to the party as always. But Mr. Lady? Come July I am stalking you all around Chicago. I'll be that girl following about 25ft behind and won't apprach you. I'll probably be humping the air in your general direction while you're back is to me too.
I *might* follow you if you go to one of those bath houses again. I'll be there in the other pool - in my maternity bathing suit, even if I'll be 14 months post partum.
Bwahahahaha
What a pleasant guest post surprise!
It's like I can actually comment on Tanis' writing without being number 7000 out of 9000. Lol. I remember the days when I was number 4 out of 6.
I vote for Mr. Lady underwear.
wow, for a minute when I started reading I totally thought it was mr.lady...but then the other day I realized how much redneck mommy looked like mr.lady....and well I figured it out! lol :)
Man all my sisters friend are insanly hot... I should have hung out with her more in highschool. heh heh
You had me fooled with your clever word-craft, I totally thought it was her. But I have been "rickrolled" as it were. =)
Days of the week underwear... Where's Sun? Why don't they make Sun... Because of God...
(Sorry, I saw the Mr. Lady's Underwear comment and I went to Harry and Sally.)
Tanis, be honest...Shannon had an accident with the weed wacker when she was landscaping her who-ha, didn't she? She's really having a labia transplant, isn't she? Or is she still waiting for a suitable donor? I wonder if the Donor gets to ok the labia before transplant? Maybe we should have a fundraiser! But what to call it?? I know! The "Mr. Lady Labia Reconstruction Foundation." She can be an inspiration to all woman who have weed whacker vs. who-ha accidents!
Mr. Lady's underwear? Your wish is my command:
Mr Lady's Thong.
Please note: @mrlady has no internet due to a broken computer. I have taken over her blog and am not giving it back. http://bit.ly/qUzZ2
http://www.cafepress.com/artifacting.362101946
let's teepee her...computer....eh, never mind.
okay, next bad idea!
seriously yo all, she'll find us. i am afraid i shall have to be the voice of sanity in this mayhem and chaos.
For the record, Mr. Lady looks like ME.
I was born first. Bitch is a total copy cat.
Secondly, to those who want to know *cough, Shelli, cough*, Shannon did not have a weed wacker accident.
That would imply she actually grooms down there.
Trust me. The Donor likes it 'au naturel.'
Don't ask me how I know this.
I say we all mail her parts of a computer so she can rebuild hers.
Nice digs. You should refuse to give up the keys when you let Shannon out of the basement.
Naked pictures of course.
But wait a minute....I think you said something mid-post that caught my attention....can you really download porn from the net? Life is good!
Great post!!!!
Love what you are doin!
Also, it bears mentioning that Mr Lady only recently began wearing underwear and that she emphatically LOVES the word Panties. No, really. It gets her all hot and stuff.
So if anything, it should be Mr Lady Panties, not underwear.
Also, I think we've discovered the real 'gamer account' '1 of 3' set up for himself. The compy's broke cuz of the mondo-porn-spam. It has pop-up fever! *pun totally intended*
Oh nooooo!!! Not a computer meldown!!! Hope it recovers soon, but she found a good babysitter!
I would like to talk about anal sex, spit, and glass dildos!
That's a shock.
First conversation I ever had with Secret Agent Mama was all about anal sex.
But what are these glass dildos you speak of? They sound dangerous.