Wednesday
Mar112009
In The Velvet Darkness
Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at 11:49PM | Mr Lady
I'm posting this from an iPhone.
Thank you all for pointing that app out to The Donor and me; he added it right away and now, 1 3/4 of a sentence in, my thumbs joints won't unlock.
What I've learned: iPhones were designed by rodents in an attempt to rid us of our opposable thumbs and thereby Take Over The World. Don't worry, it's the same thing they do every week.
So, yes, this can bite me and I wouldn't be expecting another post until my piece of shit HP comes home from the shop, if I were you. Remember a year ago when I dropped $80 at the vet on a hamster we'd had for a whole week and you guys were all "you so dumb" and then that hamster died anyway? Yep, pretty sure we're reliving that nightmare, just with wardrobe money, not Starbucks money.
What I've learned: don't buy hamsters for christmas and mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be pc's.
I actually have so much stuff to talk about once I'm functional again that I've forgotten ALL of it. You know when you see the sign at the gas station that says Do Not Pump More After This Thing Shuts Itself Off and you do anyway because what do THEY know and then all the gas you pumped in comes shooting back at you because what THEY knew was how your gas tank is pressurized and you end up dousing you, your car and everyone within a 5 mile radius with gas and when you start your car to leave before THEY yell at you, you blow the whole place up?
What I've learned: That's the blog section of my brain after two weeks with no computer. Do Not Overfill.
That reminds me: what do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
I do remember that I wanted to mention that yes, we have one computer. And it's a laptop. We also don't own our house, drive 12 and 10 year old cars and I have exactly 4 bras. No one will ever blame Economegeddon on me.
(Truth be told, we have three computers. One has been dead for five years and one has been dead for one. At least they're not on cinderblocks on front of it house. YET.)
My whole point was that there's a light over at the Frankenstein place. I should have a computer again by early next week, and then y'all are IN FOR IT. If I can remember anything. Which, probably not.
Orange mocha frappucino, anyone?
Also, full.
Thank you all for pointing that app out to The Donor and me; he added it right away and now, 1 3/4 of a sentence in, my thumbs joints won't unlock.
What I've learned: iPhones were designed by rodents in an attempt to rid us of our opposable thumbs and thereby Take Over The World. Don't worry, it's the same thing they do every week.
So, yes, this can bite me and I wouldn't be expecting another post until my piece of shit HP comes home from the shop, if I were you. Remember a year ago when I dropped $80 at the vet on a hamster we'd had for a whole week and you guys were all "you so dumb" and then that hamster died anyway? Yep, pretty sure we're reliving that nightmare, just with wardrobe money, not Starbucks money.
What I've learned: don't buy hamsters for christmas and mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be pc's.
I actually have so much stuff to talk about once I'm functional again that I've forgotten ALL of it. You know when you see the sign at the gas station that says Do Not Pump More After This Thing Shuts Itself Off and you do anyway because what do THEY know and then all the gas you pumped in comes shooting back at you because what THEY knew was how your gas tank is pressurized and you end up dousing you, your car and everyone within a 5 mile radius with gas and when you start your car to leave before THEY yell at you, you blow the whole place up?
What I've learned: That's the blog section of my brain after two weeks with no computer. Do Not Overfill.
That reminds me: what do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
I do remember that I wanted to mention that yes, we have one computer. And it's a laptop. We also don't own our house, drive 12 and 10 year old cars and I have exactly 4 bras. No one will ever blame Economegeddon on me.
(Truth be told, we have three computers. One has been dead for five years and one has been dead for one. At least they're not on cinderblocks on front of it house. YET.)
My whole point was that there's a light over at the Frankenstein place. I should have a computer again by early next week, and then y'all are IN FOR IT. If I can remember anything. Which, probably not.
Orange mocha frappucino, anyone?
Also, full.
Reader Comments (62)
I'm totally watching Zoolander RIGHT THIS MINUTE.
Freakish.
You should try using your pointer fingers to type on that phone. I wrote a whole post once on a plane using my iPod touch. True story.
~~rubs your thumbs~~
It's so good to see you again!!! There was a vicious rumor going around that you had a weed whacker accident...not sure where that started...
btw...what do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
I've been missing you. I can't wait for your computer to get fixed.
Dang, you got an iPhone? I am jealous. Admittedly, I have not tried typing with it, so perhaps I have rose colored glasses on. Or at least pink cellophane over my face. That explains the choking and feelings of euphoria...
Do you know that you aren't allowed to fill your own gas tank in Oregon? It is illegal. What the hell is with that. You Canadians have so much freedom.
@Miss: YOU so crazy. I knew I liked you.
@Shelli: last line of the post. And worse, I had two teeth ripped out of my head. Which? Better than circumcising myself, if only marginally.
@Lorna: Me Too.
@RD: the Donor has an iPhone. He's home one day a week. I have a abacus and a mechanical pencil. Now let's talk about this naughty housewife turned asphiciation fetishist thing.
I wish I could decipher just half of what you are saying in this post.
@hubs Its all in the tags, pumpkin. Oh, maybe take a codiene, too. Should help.
I want what they gave YOU.
You're back... sorta.
This is eerily reminiscent of that Buffy episode where she dies and then Willow goes all black eyes and has scarabs running around under her skin and brings her back, and Buffy's all weird and incoherent and like, "What the fuck? I was in HEAVEN bitches!" Except that I don't think "no computer world" is heaven for you. And you weren't dead. And your husband doesn't have scarabs running around under his skin.
(Oh please. All you fuckers who are all like, "Dude, you just spoiled Buffy!" can fuck off. 1) she dies A LOT in that fucking show and 2) the show ended like back in 2003 or something... before the dawn of time and everything.)
Come back soon.
(Also? Doesn't your local library have internet access that you could abuse? And - at least here, municipal offices have internet access computers because of online forms... could you try that?)
Okay, I thought I was going to spend the day with Pinky and the Brain running through my head. Then I got to the Rocky Horror reference. Much better song to live with.
I have to admit, I'm kinda with SciFi Dad on this one. Neglect is an ugly thing, Mr. Lady.
You left us with Tanis, for God sake. TANIS! That's like throwing us to the wolves and all. Did you know she rickrolled us and then laughed at us for it?! I might be scarred. (And why the hell can I never remember if it's 'scared' or 'scarred'? Dude, I write for a damn living!)
Ah, any post that makes me hum "late night double picture feature show ..... By RKO" is always a good post!
Glad you're back!! I've missed my daily dose of your wit!!
Nice to have you kinda back, even if it's at the expense of your thumbs. Thumbs are overrated anyway!
You typed all that on a iPhone? I'm empressed. I think I would get freaking bored cause it seems like it would take forEVER!
Oh, I own four bras as well, and I think I have the LEAST amount of clothes of any woman I know, and my desk top is about six years old. But I did myself a lap top. That NO ONE is allowed to touch. So if it breaks, it's only my fault and I won't have to yell at anyone. LOL
I too have written a few posts on my iPhone. Trust me, you get used to it. Get a mac too.
LOL.....full. Gross.
LOVE Economegeddon! I think we should get this on the Urban Dictionary in your name...
We only have one computer. No fancy phones - although I plan to get one soon! We do own our house, but it's a dump (because that's all our means allow!) And bras are so over rated! :) Screw over-credited bs! No Economegeddon for us!
Damn it! I was all "FULL! Full! YOU CALL HER FULL!"
And you went and told it anyway.
Dude! It's really you. I've missed you! and your overworked thumbs.
There are too many computers in my house and yet we end up just using the one. Meh.
OK, sorry, but SciFi Dad's comment totally distracted me from the post itself! I loved Buffy and totally get what he was saying.
Sad, but true.
Looking forward to the return of your computer.
Orange Mocha Frappucino!? What the?/? I never even KNEW those existed. Damn you! DAMN YOU, Mr. Lady! Another new addiction (as if this glowing box wasn't enough)!
(running...screaming...for the carkeys and the nearest Starbucks.)
Are you drunk?
Love the way you got that punchline in, babe. I have a migraine and no drugs; will you share?
I think Velvet Darkness is one of the phrases they use to describe ladybits in romance novels.
Oh Jesus, please say it ain't so about dead hamsters driving you into debt. I know this is not a post about hamsters, who on earth would bore the internet with a blog post about hamsters, even if they are being hunted by a perhaps-mythical dog? (please don't click on the link to my blog).
Sorry about your computer woes. I sort of want to want an iphone, but I don't think I can be trusted with one. I am suspicious of touch screens, I prefer clicky buttons. They seem more safe and predictable.
Everyone is so on it in these comments today and I am not but I just HAD to comment now that your voice is back for a moment. I really thought you might say eff the blog after living without it for a couple o' weeks. But what do I know. I guess I'm just wishing my computer would break down. But I do need it to work so I guess I shouldn't wish that.
So yes, on iPhone - screw your thumbs. Not literally. Just use your pointer fingers or one of them while carefully cradling the iPhone's delicate sleek body. That's what I do. It seems to work better for some reason.
And yes, go Mac. In all of the years of using a Mac, they have never ever broken down. Not sure why. But never. Wow - I guess I should knock on wood right about now...
Why does everything I write to you sound sexual? That is so strange.
Good luck with your soon-to-be resurrection. Why don't you plan it for around Easter and you can compete with Jesus Christ. Could be a blog world event or something...
Or maybe not - seems like a long time to wait.
What a ramble. I know you can take it. :-)
Oh thank you for coming back..even to just tease us..I was getting withdrawal symptoms.
wow.. so much said... blogland happy tho.
have no idea what u call a hooker with a runny nose (but i'm sure you'll tell us, lol)
yeaa, you're almost back. you were missed and the fill-ins did a great job holding down the fort for you. we were nice to them. v. polite. well-mannered. we said thank you. our mothers would have been proud.
Okay, wut do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
Ans: Full (what do I win?)
A Rocky Horror AND a Zoolander reference?!!! All in one post?! It's stuff like this that makes me keep coming back.
THE LADY LIVES! Hurrah.
Dood. You can be this entertaining even from an iPhone?! Pffft.
Can I just say? Mac. Mac. Mac. Buy the cheapest one you can find, it'll last you much longer than a PC. Obviously. You know that already.
Anyways. We've missed you, and will continue to do so until your triumphant return.
Oh yes, it'll be triumphant. Knowing YOU.
yeah...you are coming back! :) Write it down dude! then at least you can remember some of what you want to write! :D Hurry back we miss you!
You should totally hit up the library to do your posts. Do they still have those? heh
Oh my god, I just snorted red wine all over the keyboard. Glad you're back. In whatever drug addled form it is!
Please come home soon, I miss you.
And I don't own the house we live in, but I do own a rental (how fucking retarded is that?). And I only have three bras.
I suck.
@hockeyman..."get a Mac"?! are you kidding, just because MrLady has an iPhone does not mean she needs to dumb down her entire computing existance all she needs is this...http://www.appletell.com/apple/comment/a-bluetooth-keyboard-for-the-iphone/ a keyboard that plugs right into the underside of your phone and holds your phone up for you so you can see what you're doing. Plus it is TOTALLY cheaper then buying a POS mac that will have to be totally replaced in a year anyway. Stick with the PC's darlin' that way when you need to upgrade a SINGLE part, you only have to upgrade a SINGLE part, and if your webcam goes out you just lose your webcam instead of your whole comp while its getting fixed. GAH "Get a Mac"...as you can tell I am a strict PC user and build them and low cost of parts and beer.
PS. I don't know what everyone is talking about that post made perfect sense to me. I don't know exactly what that says about me though...hmmmmm
I have four bras, too. I hate all of them. I could never post from my iPhone. I don't think my thumbs are small enough to zip through writing 600 words very quickly. It would be next year before I could actually hit "publish". I blame myself. And my thumbs.
I got it all except the Zoolander ref. Does that mean it's like my brain is on drugs all of the time? Oh good!
Miss you and hope to have you back in full Whiskeyness soon
Oh noes... Someone is smack talkin my husband about not buying a Mac.
Just gonna say, Macs rule, PCs drool.
And iPhones will rule the world with Mr Lady's thumbs.
@scifidad: god, I love you.
@amo: you know you like it.
@Charlie: congrats. You just made me have a BIGGER crush on you. Didn't think that was possible.
@Robina: I'll show you mine if you show me yours. If I ever do my laundry, that is.
Hope your computer comes back good as new. And when it really kicks the bucket, could you sell all three a spring for a Mac - and then probably have to cut out Starbucks runs for the next few years, but it might be worth the sacrifice.
@Jen: oh dear god, PLEASE let us know what happens when you try to order one. I'm giggling already. Oh, and then go watch zoolander. But AFTER.
reminds me of one time I was at the vet and a girl was there with her pet RAT
I so love the iPhone. What app is that that you're using to post? Is there actually a Wordpress app??
Miss you, miss you, miss you!
xoxo
miss you lots.
can you go to the library and 'net so you don't go crazy?
(speaking of which, I just checked, my son owes $34 in library fines - because of me of course- ick)
Love that you were able to reference Pinky and the Brain, and yeah Zoolander in one post. I suck at texting, iphone is like beyond my technologicail capacity...poopy computers