From One Flake to Another: My Birthday Present to Mr. Lady
Friday, March 20, 2009 at 11:57AM | Mr Lady Scientists say no two snowflakes are alike.
But can the same be said for two women blogging flakes? This question was put to the test last July in San Francisco when I was suddenly confronted by a rabid, slightly intoxicated blonde who claimed to be my doppelganger.
It took me a second to understand what the hell she was saying because I may have been a.) slightly inebriated myself and b.) mesmerized by this woman’s boobs which were hanging out for everyone to ogle. Clearly, doppelganger or not, this woman and I were meant to be friends.
That boozy booby woman turned out to be Shannon. The infamous Mr. Lady, and now an awesome friend if only because she routinely likes to call and breathe heavy in my ear.
While on the surface Shannon and I may seem similar I assure you, we are as different as a cloudy night to a starry night. I’m here to prove this and at long last clarify just how startlingly similar er, different the two of us really are.
Sure to the casual observer her and I may seem the same. I mean we both have pierced noses and blondehair. We both have tattoos.
Mr. Lady's family tree in gibberish
But unlike Mr. Lady, my tattoos are classy. I'm no garden variety Redneck, yo. I'm the klassee kind.
See? Klassee. Want some boxed wine with that, y'all?
It's not just our tattoos and number of body piercings that set us apart physically. Have you ever met Shannon? The woman resembles a vertically challenged leprechaun while I can almost touch the stars with my bare hands. It's tough talking to a woman who is just tall enough to bury her head in my bosom. I'm always worried she is looking up my nose and counting my boogers.
Then there is the way we dress. I routinely walk around topless with cowboy boots and Mr. Lady has been known to be seen in pink spandex biker shorts with a lime green tube top. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't insist on wearing grannie panties up to her chin.
To each their own. Who am I to judge? She swears it keeps the beaver fever at bay. I'll take her word for it.
Some may confuse the two of us because we have posted pictures of our naked selves online. To those people, I say "OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES!"
Cute.
Cuter. (Or so my husband tells me.)
While clearly neither of us have any shame, only one of us is infatuated with Crocs. Ugg.
Moving on. Sorry Google pervs. That's as much nudity as this post contains. Come back next week. I hear Shannon just got a new pair of shoes.
Our lack of shame and love of nudity brought with it children. Mr. Lady and I both have daughters. But if our daughters are reflections on who we are, then it is OBVIOUS we are very different people.
Mr. Lady's sweet and adorable daughter.
The fruit of my looms. She is charming. I swear.
There are other more subtle differences between Mr. Lady and myself. She is an American living on Canadian soil, while I am 100 percent, born and bred pure Canuck. I know what it means when someone offers me poutine, a beaver tail, and a shot of screech along with a serviette. Shannon has to bust out the ole Yank to Canadian dictionary or call me.
Of course, I routinely wear a toque so that explains a lot.
Since I'm outing all of our differences, I feel it is only fair to out a little known fact about Shannon. Did you all know she is obsessed with a certain body part? It's no secret to those who know me that I too have a fondness for a specific region of the human body, but let's just say Shannon and I see beauty in the human body in an entirely different way.
Ya. Shannon has a foot fetish. Specifically toes. To each their own.
I myself, prefer a firm er..cutlet.
Of course there are other differences. We both may have married hot blonde men but our husbands couldn't be any more different. The Donor is a walking advertisement for GQ magazine. My husband? He's a walking advertisement for um, John Deere tractor.
Mr. Lady lives in the suburbs and spends her evenings with a cup of tea in one hand and a pair of binoculars in the other. You can often find her at her bedroom window trying to peer into her neighbours homes.
I live out in the middle of the wilderness, with nothing but a few moose and the odd bear to keep me company. You'll find me tossing back a brewsky and cleaning mah rifle at night. The rifle helps keep them pesky coyotes away.
There is one more difference between Shannon and myself that I think you should all know about.
Shannon is older than me. And aging fast. Sure she spends half of her family's income on miracle anti-aging creams, but she can't escape her genetics. We all know what she is going to look like when she hits old age.
Black leather. Brings out her inner beauty.
Don't feel bad my friend. Not everyone is destined to look like I will when I finally catch up to you in age.
It's the Canadian beer. It keeps a body young.
So Shannon, while we may appear to be one another's doppelganger, I hope this post taught you something. (Besides the fact you should be more careful about who you let have access to your blog.)
It is true. Every flake is different.
Happy Birthday today, my sweet, aging pretend Canadian friend. I'm so glad I found you.
Not just because you make me look good either.
Wink.
Reader Comments (87)
Great post, Tanis. Happy birthday, Mr. Lady!
Holy nakedness. I'm thinking from the pics Mr. Lady could use a pedicure for her birthday and Redneck Mommy could use some basting sauce and a grill.
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday Mr. Lady!!!
My eyes will never be the same!!!
Seriously. You two *almost* make me want to move to Canada.
Happy Birthday Mr Lady! And remember: "Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional."
Happy Birthday Mr. Lady - I hope to see you again at Blogher this year. I will be a day late so I may not be hungover after the first night of parties.
Well, you've done pretty well for yourselves, flakes. And I am so glad there were no pictures of the pink spandex shorts ;-)
Happy Birthday Mr. Shannon Lady! Also don't feel bad about your body's future, at least you'll be the dominant one! ;-)
Happy Birthday Mr Lady, and Tanis, thanks for the Helen Mirren bikini shot, that's some quality granny fanny.
Happy Birthday Mr. Lady! Nothing like a little nudity, gross toes, and a vision of the older self to say happy birthday to a friend!
Happy Birthday, Mr. Lady!
(Might want to consider changing those passwords now, hmmm...)
You guys are so adorable. This made me really happy.
So, let's see, if Mr. Lady is older than Tanis that would make her at least 41.
Right?
You know you like older women, you little mynx, you.
Happy Birthday Mr Lady you have a mighty great friend there to put up such a beautiful post for you.
Oh man...I wish so many things for you on your birthday...some goofy, some serious, all sincere.
I'll sum it up by saying that you're one of the best souls on the planet. And I'm humbled and lucky to not only know you, but to have met you.
Respect & love,
Kath xoxo
You two crack me up still. I won't lie, I was one of those newbie readers who was almost willing to swear that you two were one in the same. Then I finally concluded perhaps you were sisters. Or at least joined at the hip since childhood. Oh well, so much for my intuition.
Yes, happy birthday. It's funny how after 21, the actual age is rather fuzzy these days...am I 35, 36 or 37? Who the heck knows?
Ha ha. I think the first comment I left on this blog was, "Wait, do you write Redneck Mommy too?" Mr. Lady denied it, but I kept reading, thinking, "That lying bitch!!! It's the same fucking person!!"
Happy Birthday!
Ahh. With friends like Tanis...
Too funny.
Happy Birthday!!
@Tiny...
Oh, yeah. I'm hotter than you and younger than you and I can show my thighs to the internet and blah blah blah. Woot.
(Tanis, I kid)
@Maggie...
I TOLD YOU!
The toes? I'm still gagging.
Happy birthday, Shannon! Hope it rocks!
The most awesomest birthday tribute ever.
Happy birthday Shannon! Is the sun shinning for you in Canada today?
very sweet- except for the therapy I will need from that foot picture- ick!
You're both fun to make out with.
And?
The photo of those feet made me vomit. (Which is ok, as I do that a lot anyway)
FABULOUS BIRTHDAY POST from and about two of my favoritest Canada bloggity friends.
xoxoxoxo
Those feet! My eyes! My eyes!
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday, Shannon!
I already owe you one cocktail, so in honour of your birthday I'll bump the tally up to two (or five) bevvies.
Have a good one, hot stuff. xoxo
Well I'll be a monkeys uncle. My new motivation for Blogher is to find and dupe some fellow blogger to write an awesome bday tribute.
I might settle for having a stiletto contest with Ohmommy.
Happy Birthday!! Awesome post, love the striking similarities and yet the vast differences :-)
Happy Birthday!
That was the funniest thing I have ever read. Thanks for the laugh!
Happy Birthday to you already?
Happy Birthday
Ron
Happy Birthday!!
Very funny, but I could have done without the gross toe shots.
Happy Birthday Shannon.
Oh, and I hacked @mrlady's blog. And posted nude photos of her tush. http://bit.ly/TkyJV
Happy Birthday Shannon!
happy birthday hottie,
those pictures are great.
don't want to get flagged here so i'll just say they made my FINGERS so STIFF i could barely type this.
celebrate with a bottle of screech!
(third times a charm)
Happy Happy, sweet Lady!
ok. i am already in love with MrLady - she may be your doppelganger, but she's my stunt double. But you, I've never met, let alone talked to or read. And now, I might have an internet crush on you, just a little bit. Grumble. Another one.
now, you, me, ZoeyJane and Mr Lady make up a damn SQUARE yo! We were onc a triangle, the three of us, and that was fun, quirky and an interesting shape to try and put into pre-designated spots. A Square! Damn dude. We're cool and all, but we better find a fifth to make us, well, bigger, better and boozier, ya know?
Happy Birthday Mr. Lady!
The miracle cream is clearly working. You look fabulous, right down to just above where your feet begin. Happy Birthday.
SK
You're both hotties!! Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday Gorgeous. Make sure you go ooot and have a good time *snigger*
MWAH
(Hey Tanis, you said 'crocs' and then 'ugg' right next to each other and my eyes exploded. Apparently that is not good for my health woman. And where is my damn birthday post? You are a week late lady and my foot is tiring of the tapping)
"I know what it means when someone offers me poutine, a beaver tail, and a shot of screech along with a serviette."
This is hilarious!
Anybody who writes that in a blog deserves a thousand kudos, in my opinion. GREAT post!!
ugh, kindly pls put a graphic content disclaimer on posts to allow for some of us with sensitive eyes to avert sickness. and yes, i am serious. aagh.
and i am not referring to the girlie pictures, those are nice.
Happy birthday (roast) Shannon!
WOW. Guess I would've known it was your birthday if I'd gotten my ass over to yer blog on time, huh? I'm a dick (as we've already discussed this evening.) You, on the other hand? SO THE OPPOSITE OF A DICK.
I am still grinning ear to ear. Love you huge. XO
That was great. Happy Birthday!
...PS and Mr. Lady, you bring something to this world it didn't know it needed to have.
So, I tried to say "Happy Birthday Shannon" because that's all I could think of since I've already downed half a bottle of wine and it's not even 8:00 where I am, but the damn spambot wouldn't let me. Are you happy now spambot? You have now forced me to write a more original comment. Hmph!
Happy Birthday Shannon! I had no idea that it was your birthday today. I suck.