Friday
Apr242009
Boudoir Is French For Weigh-Station
Friday, April 24, 2009 at 12:33AM | Mr Lady
So, I'm making the bed in my room tonight at 8:15 and I'm mumbling to myself about how I shouldn't have to make it since I'm never the last one out of it. I'm honestly just feeling guilty because it's the first time in years days that I've made the damn thing, and feeling kind of moronic to be making it three hours before I'm going to get back in it, and kind of annoyed with myself because who really, actually makes their bed anyway?
And then I realize that all the grown-ups make their beds and I just suck.
So I keep making it and I start thinking about Extreme Home Makeover and how they always make the master bedroom into an oasis or a sanctuary or a refuge or some shit. There's always a reading area and a big-screen tv and gorgeous drapes and lush rugs and I wonder, do people really spend that much time in their bedrooms that they need all that? Because if you do, sure, you probably want to make your bed once in a while. My bedroom is on the 4th floor of my house and the only time I'm in there, I'm unconscious. I have three children; it's not like I have time to just go lounge around in my room all day long. And it's not as if anyone except my three year old ever walks past my door and peeks in, and if you do find yourself in the doorway to my bedroom there's a 99% chance you're up there to kill me and I really don't care if you have to trip over some laundry and rustle with the sheets in order to chop me into tiny bits with an old, rusty axe.
And before you say, "What about the ol' winkwink, nudgenudge?" I'll just say this: In my life, I have these two columns that I like to call Things I Will Do and Things I Won't Do and I'll give you three chances to guess which column "It; with the lights on" goes into. If he's taking the time to stop, grab the night-vision goggles and check the state of the linens, he's doing it all wrong.
Now I do like my kids' beds to be made but the girl only has these two baby blankets so making hers is nothing and the boys have these ginorous loft beds and there are a few activities as equally futile as making ginormous loft beds that I occasional like to engage in, but every time I sit on the floor to converse with the toilet I notice that someone's dribbled peepee all down the sides of it and then I have to clean it, so I try to stay away from those sorts of things if at all possible.
I wish I were the sort of person who makes her bed everyday, but that would mean I'd have to be the sort of person who walks into her bedroom every day, and that's just not me. I also wish I were the sort of person who folds the laundry right after she dries it, or the sort of person that washes the pan right after she cooks in it, and it occurs to me that if I were that sort of person my husband might suddenly become the sort of person who drags his wife into her bedroom randomly throughout the day.
But then the damn bed would never be made.
And then I realize that all the grown-ups make their beds and I just suck.
So I keep making it and I start thinking about Extreme Home Makeover and how they always make the master bedroom into an oasis or a sanctuary or a refuge or some shit. There's always a reading area and a big-screen tv and gorgeous drapes and lush rugs and I wonder, do people really spend that much time in their bedrooms that they need all that? Because if you do, sure, you probably want to make your bed once in a while. My bedroom is on the 4th floor of my house and the only time I'm in there, I'm unconscious. I have three children; it's not like I have time to just go lounge around in my room all day long. And it's not as if anyone except my three year old ever walks past my door and peeks in, and if you do find yourself in the doorway to my bedroom there's a 99% chance you're up there to kill me and I really don't care if you have to trip over some laundry and rustle with the sheets in order to chop me into tiny bits with an old, rusty axe.
And before you say, "What about the ol' winkwink, nudgenudge?" I'll just say this: In my life, I have these two columns that I like to call Things I Will Do and Things I Won't Do and I'll give you three chances to guess which column "It; with the lights on" goes into. If he's taking the time to stop, grab the night-vision goggles and check the state of the linens, he's doing it all wrong.
Now I do like my kids' beds to be made but the girl only has these two baby blankets so making hers is nothing and the boys have these ginorous loft beds and there are a few activities as equally futile as making ginormous loft beds that I occasional like to engage in, but every time I sit on the floor to converse with the toilet I notice that someone's dribbled peepee all down the sides of it and then I have to clean it, so I try to stay away from those sorts of things if at all possible.
I wish I were the sort of person who makes her bed everyday, but that would mean I'd have to be the sort of person who walks into her bedroom every day, and that's just not me. I also wish I were the sort of person who folds the laundry right after she dries it, or the sort of person that washes the pan right after she cooks in it, and it occurs to me that if I were that sort of person my husband might suddenly become the sort of person who drags his wife into her bedroom randomly throughout the day.
But then the damn bed would never be made.
Reader Comments (80)
LMAO! I guess I'm not a grown-up yet -- I only make the bed *right before* I get into it. And I wouldn't do it then, except the hubby always manages to get the sheets and blankets so messed up that if I don't remake the bed, I'll grumble all night about how HE has all the sheets and I have to feel the rough wool blanket on my ankles and the whole damned thing is crooked and how the hell does he get it so messed up in the first place?
Also, I throw my clothes on the floor before I go to bed.
My kids are so dead when it comes to learning by example.
Dood. Just get a fitted sheet and a duvet. The bed makes itself. Also, I am that person. All of those people. Do you see anyone dragging me into my bedroom all day long? (Don't answer, it was rhetorical.)
Bed making is so silly. I have known people who do it religiously. Silly silly. I am like Zoeyjane and just have a fitted sheet and duvet. Does that make me make it? Hells naw.
I actually sleep cocooned in my queen sized duvet and leave it in a lump on half the bed. Then I crawl back into it, flail it into place and resume.
Bed making happens once every six weeks. I don't even think that I'm exaggerating. I make the bed when I realize I'm sleeping on what feels like a litter box and might be just as dirty, courtesy of the laminate wood flooring in my apartment that allows the dirt from my shoes to scatter and attach to my bare feet and then get tracked into bed.
Sexy, right?
I'm a fitted sheet and duvet girl.[We call them doona's down here...crazy Aussies].You have to mess it up good and proper with your legs, till it's bunched all around you. Now thats awesome.
Hi! Raising my hand down here in Denver. Not a bed maker unless it is Sunday night. Why Sunday? I wash my sheets every Sunday night and make the bed just so I can prove to myself how nice it looks. Then I take a shower and sleep on fresh clean 600 thread count sheets in a spotlessly clean room.
It's how I like to start my week.
But Monday-Saturday? Unmade bed scenario.
Myroom..and my house...is normally pretty clean and spotless.
I can't cook worth a damn tho, if that helps?
:-)
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I only make my bed when company is coming.
And then only on the first day.
I haven't made a bed in 15 years. I don't plan on starting now. Unless I get paid an allowance or something.
Just about the best blogpost evah!
The duvet is the answer to all of America's problems. If we had a duvet tradition in this country, we would all be happy and drinking wine with lunch and not thinking about anything but how thin and cultured we are. As it is, we are a blanket nation and thus have no universal health care.
My bedroom is my dressing room that happens to have a bed in it. I don't really think of it as a "sleeping area" so much as a clothing area. The bed definitely never gets made.
This post is like married man porn... we've given up on the sex, and all we hope for is a clean house.
Heard it. No one goes in our bedroom, except Hubs and me. Therefore I don't bother to clean it. I think it's silly to add that extra step of "hanging up your clothes" to my laundry detail. They're still as wearable sitting on the floor as they are hanging in my closet, plus I don't have to walk the 10 steps to the closet to get them.
Some say "lazy," I saw "efficient"
To my mother's dismay I have never been a bed-maker. And I am most definitely not a laundry-folder (until at least a couple of days post-dryer). You aren't alone. Slacker housewives unite!
I'm with you on all that. I think the only time our beds are really made is if there's any chance of people being over and needing to use the bathroom on the second floor, because what if they're nosy bastards and open the bedroom doors?
I made the mistake this morning of actually LOOKING at the toilet as I made sure DramaBoy wiped after peeing (cuz just being a boy and peeing standing up does NOT relieve them of this responsibility IMO--I am far more fastidious about bodily hygiene than I am about house cleanliness). I think I might have to give in and actually scrub the damn thing. I'm outnumbered by males, regardless of which house I'm in, and for whatever reason they seem incapable of actually keeping all their pee INSIDE the bowl and off the rim.
There are compensations for having to sit to pee, methinks.
I never make our bed, unless we're all hanging out up there and someone brings crackers into the room. No crumbs in the bed. That gives me nervous tics. I twitch.
Anyway, I'll be 30 this year and I very rarely make anyone's bed, least of all ours.
I sooooo don't make the bed (unless company is coming or I've just changed the sheets.) What's the point, it's only going to get messed up again in a matter of hours anyway :-)
Mr Lady, you'd be right at home in my bedroom.
(said in a most non-sexual way)
After stepping over baskets of clean-but-unfolded laundry, we could sit on the unmade bed since there's no sitting area and stare at the TV-less walls.
Then we could leave to go to the more "liveable" areas of the house.
Night vision goggles, sounds sorta kinky... I think there's a marital aid market there that the Spygear company never even thought of.
And thanks for making me feel less of a lame-ass now that I know I'm not the only one who hardly ever makes the bed...I know it makes my neatfreak husband all hot when I DO make it, but since my back's out anyway, what's the point ;)?
My little kids beds are always made...probably because they insist on sleeping with ME every night. In my daybed. Which is a twin size bed. I wonder if that's why my back always hurts?
I never make my bed... unless I am changing the sheets. And my bed is really easy to make. Just throw the comforter over top. But I don't do it, and I don't care. My hubby is a total slob. He is impressed that I change the sheets once a week, so he doesn't care. My kids don't make their beds either. They can't get to them for all the toys on the floor.
Well. TODAY I can comment. Nice...
Making a bed is for what purpose, exactly? I never make beds. OCCASIONALLY my own bed will get "made" but my bedding consists of 4 pillows and a quilt. No sheets. No extra blankets. Toss pillows into position, fluff blanket, done. 15 seconds or less.
15 seconds and it STILL only gets done OCCASIONALLY.
I only make my bed on the weekends and even then it's a total hit or miss. I'm definitely NOT one of those adults you speak of that ALWAYS makes her bed. Maybe I'm just rebelling since my parents made me make it all the time when I was young and didn't know any better.
Have a great weekend!
Make the bed and then sleep on top of the covers with a blanket. Then you can just toss the blanket out of site and do a quick yank on the comforter/bedspread and voila! it's made. That's what I did in college. Now I don't make the bed very often, but when I do it always seems the bed seems "fresh" when I get in it.
I make my bed but it has nothing to do with being a grown-up (trust me)... I'm just *that* anal. I think I inherited my mom's OCD.
I have a seriously high tolerance for clutter and unmade beds. We do the duvet thing, although I need a sheet between me and the duvet. But the bed is almost never ever ever made. There are dirty things in the sink all the time. My bathrooms get cleaned when there is going to be company. You come in my house, you leave with three pounds of dog hair on you. If you were looking for someone to make you feel okay about your lack of grown up housekeeping skilz, I am here for you. And oasis or not, there is no TV in my bedroom. It is for sleeping and sex, both with the lights out thank you very much. Oh yeah, I know how to keep it HOT!
Haa! Love this. I don't think I'll ever be one of those people, either, and I'm glad for that. Methinks there are better things to do in life. However, I will admit that I do make the bed....WHILE I'M STILL IN IT. It's something I started doing before I met my now-husband; the first time I spent the night as his apartment, he caught me making his bed while I was still in it (I should do a video tutorial, maybe?) and I'm convinced it was this action that made him begin falling in love with me.
Thanks for making the rest of us feel normal with everything you write. I'm not yet a mom, but when I am, I take comfort in knowing there are wonderful mothers out there like you who don't sweat the small stuff and still get it all done JUST FINE, DAMMIT.
I'm not a bedmaker either. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!
I got a new bed recently and dolled it up in nice linens and stuff and tried to make my bed in the mornings. That lasted all of a week.
I wish I were that person too. But then, if I were, what would I be missing by spending all my time cleaning, etc., and lounging in the bed and not going out?
I only make the bed cauze we have THREE freakin dogs... and if I don't MAKE the beds then they get their dirty little paws all over the sheets.
AND what about the fur... (theirs NOT mine)... becauze they like to lay on the pillows...
and in the middle of the night you wake up with a mouth-full of 'short & curlies'... but NOT the ones you would like them to be...
All I can say is, if I were a better writer, this could be me.
I have to sleep under the kitchen table.
Is that what you are supposed to do with your bed when you get out of it? Make it? Just to get back in again? Seems riddiculous if you ask me.
My bedroom in luxurious. The floor is covered in linen, wool, cotton, and such. Of course, that's just do to the laundry. I make the bed when I wash the sheets. I wash the sheets when I notice that they smell. Maybe a little after because I generally notice when I'm crawling into bed and am not about to do anything about it at that point. Amazingly, by morning, I don't notice the sheet stench and forget to do anything about it. Lather, rinse, repeat. Eventually, I remember and then I wash them hot. Twice.
I have pretty clear memories of my aunt, who babysat me when I was young, making her bed every day. She would tell me that “if you don’t make your bed when you get up in the morning, your soul will stay in it all day.” While I stopped believing her awhile ago, I do still make my bed every day, just in case.
When my daughter went to private school, I was surrounded by people who had housekeepers. Not that those people are bad people, just that I don't have that kind of money or inclination to spend that money in that manner. Then one day, I had to hook up with another Girl Scout Mom for a project and I walked into her house and saw her laundry neatly stacked on her couch. Toys everywhere. Cracker crumbs on the floor. And I sighed and went "oh, you're a real person like me."
I don't get the making the bed thing either. Sure it looks nice, but it seems whenever I do it, my boys instintively know that something is amok in the house and it must be destroyed. Like mopped floors - boys just know that clean is evil.
I cannot find a single hole in your argument. The world is lucky you are not a lawyer. Or an infomercial spokesperson.
Never. That's how often my bed is made.
Amen, sister.
If I make my bed it means I am getting laid. I like to wash my sheets at least weekly, but it seems a lesson in futility to make the bed and all that. Bah.
My hubs likes to look and insists on having the light on.
I don't understand it but whatever floats his boat.
That's me, totally. Dishes get done hours after they were used, if not the next day. Our bed? Never ever ever made. Laundry stays in the dryer for days. If I need to do a new load, it gets transferred to a laundry basket where it then stays for... well, until it all gets worn, usually. Or rewashed because I can't remember what's clean and what's dirty.
I used to make my bed every day. But then we got a dog who sleeps UNDER the covers in our bed. She's not allowed in the bed at night. But as soon as we leave the house for the day, she dashes upstairs and tucks herself in. I'm not even exaggerating a little bit. She gets all snug and comfy, and of course by the time we go up at night, the covers are a mess again anyway -- so what is the point of making it? Obviously, there is no point. So I don't. It makes me feel slovenly. But not nearly as slovenly as many other abysmally low standards of cleanliness that characterize my house. So there is that comfort.
Thank GAWD someone else out there doesn't make their bed! Isn't it the biggest waste of time?!
I usually spend my day whiny and moaning about how "if we were REAL adults" we'd (1) make our bed, (2) not have clutter, (3) cook, (4) not eat every meal on the couch in front of the television...
I rarely make my bed. That makes me sound lazier than I am. Oh wait, I'm TOTALLY lazy.
But I need to know: how do you get that copyright thing INTO the posts on my reader. Because I think I need it now. Well, with MY info rather than yours. I love you but you don't write on my blog. Much.
Great post! I am so glad that you wrote this as I have always felt like an anomaly in that I dont have a spotless house. We only make our beds when we wash the sheets which is not near as often as we should.
thanks for the laugh
I make my bed when i'm at school, but only sometimes at home. At school since I live in a dorm and have a small bed the blankets don't move very much so I pretty much just have to fold the blanket down when I get out and put it back once i'm off the bed. At home it's kind of pointless for me to do because I have two dogs and one of them likes to go under the sheet/blanket and play in them.
I try to remember to make the bed everyday. Only beause it bothers the hubby when I don't. It's a pet peeve of his.
Horseshit- Adults DON'T make their beds. That is part of the right of passage in becoming an adult; you realize you don't HAVE to make your bed. Don't buy into those cultural "Norms" Mr Lady.
And as much as I hate both George Bushes, the older one had a great line when he said, I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.
We are adults. We get to NOT make the bed. And that's all I have to say about that.
Another thing. The bed is made if there is a potential for company to come over, and only if that company is new, and never had a sleepover before.