Friday
Apr032009
9 + 10 + 11 = Happy 30th Birthday...And Shots For Me.
Friday, April 3, 2009 at 3:44AM | Mr Lady
At the end of the school day today, approximately thirteen boys ranging in age from eight to twelve will descend upon Chez Mr Lady for something in the neighborhood of 20 hours for a 9th, a 10th and an 11th birthday party all rolled into one.
There is not enough Febreeze in the world to make this okay.
My sons have birthdays one month to the day apart from each other, and since they still have more-or-less the same social circle, we save ourselves and everyone we know a whole lotta headache by just throwing them one big party together. My neighbor's son's birthday falls right in the middle of my boys, so we lump him in with the group, too. It's like a bandaid; the quicker it's over, the sooner we can start pouring the drinks.
It's not just because we get away with the 2-fer that we do this, though. You know how Christmas day, your kids tear through a stack of presents and then totally sugar crash, just without the cavities? And your Jewish friends have these blissful children who've had eight days of one gift at a time, and they're all calm and serene and grateful and you start wondering if you could really give up bacon and how you'd look in a yarmulke? Yeah, it's the same thing here with the birthdays. We get to buy each boy ONE gift on his birthday, and then they each get ONE more at their party. It's spaced out,and it saves us from over-doing it. (Correction: it saves me from over-doing it. My husband isn't overcompensating for his crappy anything with our kids.)
So my neighbor and I have been "planning" this "party" and by "party" I mean we're throwing all the boys in my basement with the big tv that I just got done dragging out of my living room down to the basement, a bag of Doritos, some pillows, a Wii, a GameCube and all the National Treasure movies. And 18 air fresheners. By "planning" I mean we've sat on the phone and said, "Um....?" a lot.
It's interesting, planning a birthday party with another parent. My neighbor and I both share the view that once they hit a certain age, the pomp and circumstance can take a flying leap and be replaced with reality. She didn't bat an eye when I suggested that each kid invite only 3 friends. She agreed that the idea of just having a sleepover sounded like party enough. She asked what she should get for the goodie bags and when I told her I didn't do goodie bags, she said thank god and what would we get for a bunch of 10 year olds anyway?
I didn't have birthday parties as a kid, and I didn't go to any either, so I really have just winged the crap out of this whole thing for the past decade plus. It seems to me like the whole idea of what IS a birthday party has a lot to do with what everyone around you thinks makes a birthday party. If everyone in the class invites everyone in the class to every party, maybe you feel the pressure to do the same when your kid's birthday rolls around. If everyone does Something Grand, maybe you feel like you have to do Something Grand, too. Ever try to take 30 kids for laser tag? And then make your mortgage that month? Yeah. If every time your kid goes to a party, he comes home with a bag full of plastic toys that end up in the dog's food 2 days later, maybe you feel like you'd better have some at the ready as well. If you have to stay and make awkward conversation with a bunch of parents you don't know for 3 hours while your kids throw water balloons at each other, maybe you find yourself pricing a keg the next time you throw a birthday party at your house.
I can't keep up with my inbox, let alone The Jones'.
Do my kids need some huge party every year on their birthdays? Hell no they don't. They get the big, bright, thematically correct (and totally made from scratch; I'm so cheap) parties when they're little, when it's all still magic, and then once they hit 1st grade, we go to a movie. Or we have a sleepover. Or we have a cupcake decorating and subsequent eating extravaganza. Because when they're 9 years old? 11 years old? They don't need all that other stuff, do they?
I don't think they do. I think they want to have one day or one night when they can feel a little grown. When they don't have a bedtime, and they do have Nintendo, when vitamins don't show their ugly faces and soda pours like rain from the heavens. When their parents leave them alone and they can watch their movies and listen to their music and be dorky kids together. When they can just be and do what they want to be and do and not be scheduled or managed, just supervised.
That's what I remember wanting when I was 11, at least. So that's what I give them. I give them a lot of laughter and a little freedom and a bit of a break from the rules and the time to be themselves.
And lots of air fresheners.
There is not enough Febreeze in the world to make this okay.
My sons have birthdays one month to the day apart from each other, and since they still have more-or-less the same social circle, we save ourselves and everyone we know a whole lotta headache by just throwing them one big party together. My neighbor's son's birthday falls right in the middle of my boys, so we lump him in with the group, too. It's like a bandaid; the quicker it's over, the sooner we can start pouring the drinks.
It's not just because we get away with the 2-fer that we do this, though. You know how Christmas day, your kids tear through a stack of presents and then totally sugar crash, just without the cavities? And your Jewish friends have these blissful children who've had eight days of one gift at a time, and they're all calm and serene and grateful and you start wondering if you could really give up bacon and how you'd look in a yarmulke? Yeah, it's the same thing here with the birthdays. We get to buy each boy ONE gift on his birthday, and then they each get ONE more at their party. It's spaced out,and it saves us from over-doing it. (Correction: it saves me from over-doing it. My husband isn't overcompensating for his crappy anything with our kids.)
So my neighbor and I have been "planning" this "party" and by "party" I mean we're throwing all the boys in my basement with the big tv that I just got done dragging out of my living room down to the basement, a bag of Doritos, some pillows, a Wii, a GameCube and all the National Treasure movies. And 18 air fresheners. By "planning" I mean we've sat on the phone and said, "Um....?" a lot.
It's interesting, planning a birthday party with another parent. My neighbor and I both share the view that once they hit a certain age, the pomp and circumstance can take a flying leap and be replaced with reality. She didn't bat an eye when I suggested that each kid invite only 3 friends. She agreed that the idea of just having a sleepover sounded like party enough. She asked what she should get for the goodie bags and when I told her I didn't do goodie bags, she said thank god and what would we get for a bunch of 10 year olds anyway?
I didn't have birthday parties as a kid, and I didn't go to any either, so I really have just winged the crap out of this whole thing for the past decade plus. It seems to me like the whole idea of what IS a birthday party has a lot to do with what everyone around you thinks makes a birthday party. If everyone in the class invites everyone in the class to every party, maybe you feel the pressure to do the same when your kid's birthday rolls around. If everyone does Something Grand, maybe you feel like you have to do Something Grand, too. Ever try to take 30 kids for laser tag? And then make your mortgage that month? Yeah. If every time your kid goes to a party, he comes home with a bag full of plastic toys that end up in the dog's food 2 days later, maybe you feel like you'd better have some at the ready as well. If you have to stay and make awkward conversation with a bunch of parents you don't know for 3 hours while your kids throw water balloons at each other, maybe you find yourself pricing a keg the next time you throw a birthday party at your house.
I can't keep up with my inbox, let alone The Jones'.
Do my kids need some huge party every year on their birthdays? Hell no they don't. They get the big, bright, thematically correct (and totally made from scratch; I'm so cheap) parties when they're little, when it's all still magic, and then once they hit 1st grade, we go to a movie. Or we have a sleepover. Or we have a cupcake decorating and subsequent eating extravaganza. Because when they're 9 years old? 11 years old? They don't need all that other stuff, do they?
I don't think they do. I think they want to have one day or one night when they can feel a little grown. When they don't have a bedtime, and they do have Nintendo, when vitamins don't show their ugly faces and soda pours like rain from the heavens. When their parents leave them alone and they can watch their movies and listen to their music and be dorky kids together. When they can just be and do what they want to be and do and not be scheduled or managed, just supervised.
That's what I remember wanting when I was 11, at least. So that's what I give them. I give them a lot of laughter and a little freedom and a bit of a break from the rules and the time to be themselves.
And lots of air fresheners.
Reader Comments (62)
Pomp and circumstance can so take a flying leap. The really important things are eating lots of junky food and talking until your whole jaw is tired.
The twins are 11 and Francois Phillippe is 13. And despite the fact that their birthdays are in May and November, respectively, they have to celebrate together anyway. Right on, Mr. Lady.
Thanks. I am hyperventilating now. I have a 16th, 18th and 11th to plan this year.
Should I combine the parties and just buy a keg? I am asking you cause you seem to know what you are talking about...
Air fresheners indeed. Nothing worse than a roomful of kidfarts and smelly feet.
And I'm with you on the party thing. Keep it as simple and uncomplicated as possible.
OK, I get that blogging is all about pushing limits, testing boundaries and the like, but you've gone too far now. You're no longer making sense, not just to the lone sane person who reads you (moi), but also to the myriad of crazy people everywhere.
The idea you suggest - if it can even be called an idea and not just the insane quasi-coherent ramblings of a mad woman - is so outrageous, so offensive, so mind-blowing horrible that I'm struggling to find the words to type this.
I mean, sure, sometimes thoughts come into our heads that we know are wrong and should never see the light of day. We dismiss them quickly and pretend they never happened. But to actually say them out loud, to write them on your blog? That's just making it too real.
I really don't know what else to say. I'm not even sure I can read this blog anymore after today. You crossed a line, today, and I'm not sure I can help you back.
I mean, GIVING UP BACON?!?!?
Hahahahaha at Kelley!
You do know what you are talking about. Sounds perfect to me. I am SO over birthday parties. We have a weekend full of parties to attend that are HUGE over the top events. Why was everyone born in April(ish).
You should go out and celebrate and leave all the husbands to handle this...seeing as though you did birth them!
I agree wholeheartedly with you. If we can't eat for a week because I had to take a bunch of kids bowling/arcading/running around bitching because they ran out of money than I'm out!
I so agree. My older two kids get a party every other year or so - and by party, I mean a sleepover, some pizza and a trip to the disc golf course (free!). AND NO GOODIE BAGS!
Is Finchy coming?
You? Are SO RIGHT. I am tired unto death of the escalation going on with the goodie bags. I do NOT want a truckload of crapola to bring home because my daughter LOVES EVERY LITTLE PIECE OF IT and insists on loving and cherishing every damn sticker, mini bubble soap, teeny-weeny plastic gewgaw and sharp pointy thingummybobber that will wind up embedded in the sole of my foot. A roomful of kids, too much sugar and TV, and no bedtime sounds like just the ticket to me.
i love birthdays! i love cake.
so i'd rather separate. unfortunately, four of mine are in bitter cold winter. i hate that.
one is in september. i wish there was a may or july birthday in somewhere. i know, i can do it in july, but i'm just not feeling it. feels fake, ha.
I feel the same way...birthdays are about the one who's birthday it is..not what other moms think or do...I have NEVER done that...and I'm sure I've been talked about. I did what my kids thought was fun...and usually twice cause if one had it...then the other wanted it too...
We've done the laser tag (with just close friends) (and me of course) bounce houses, "guests"...This year my son turned 12...ugh...I booked him, his dad, and three of his friends to spend the night at a cool hotel with a super cool water park...he had a blast...and even though I wasn't there when he woke up a 12 year old...I was glad he enjoyed himself!!
Sounds like a great party to me. When my boys get older I'm going to have to resist the urge to over do it simply because I love to plan parties and have everything themed and matchy. And I'm guessing boys get over that kind of nonsense pretty early on in life.
And you wanna know something funny? My boys' birthdays are two weeks to the day apart. Also, all four of us have our birthdays on the same day of the week every year. Freaky, no?
My twins are still very young but we've been going to a lot of older kids (and by 'older' I mean 3-5 lol) parties this year and my husband and I have been blown away by the magnitude of these events and the amount of money parents spend. So it's either saving for their college tuition or giving them a 3 ring circus with dancing monkeys and 30 gift bags to 40 kids? Um, I'll take college thanks. Bring back simple birthdays!
I beg of you. Forget the air freshener and febreze. matter of fact I blogged about that very subject yesterday.
YES! YES! YES! 9 IS the magic year when you are actually allowed to send email invites instead of fancy, printed, thematic ones. You can buy a basic sheet cake and ply them with crappy food for a few hours. Their take away--BEST PARTY EVER!
I let my son take a few kids bowling and two hours later it was over. Sweet.
For my son's 12, we lit a fire in the backyard and gave them a case of pop and a crapload of hot dogs. The fire kept getting BIGGER and BIGGER as the night went on...they were all junior fire cadets so I should have assumed that would happen!
Oh...and it was September, so I made them sleep in a tent. And pee in the bushes.
Why do you wait until the party is over to start pouring the drinks?
Also, you're right. It seems that at my daughter's school there is a tendency to do the invite every kid every time thing you mentioned. The only way out of that is to avoid it all together....well said.
We're also doing a joint birthday party tonight. Two eight year olds. And it will be fun. And when it is over I will be drinking scotch. The expensive kind. And plenty of it.
I am a Jones-and keeping up with me is NO problem. In fact, were *I* the Jones that people used as a yardstick, the world would be a happier place. You are a strong, brave woman; gotta love a mom who doesn't DO goodie bags. I would tell you to have a good time but I really mean "earplugs are on sale a Rite Aid for 99 cents."
I didn't have a birthday party until I turned 10 (except for cake with my immediate family) and I really don't feel I've been deprived of anything. By the time I was 10, I REALLY wanted a party, which we did at a bowling alley. After that, my sister and I organized our OWN parties. Everyone wins!
Your planning sessions sound very similar to mine, except for mine usually involve lots of expletives. In the end, my plans are the academic equivalent of throwing a bunch of boys in a basement, but you know what? They usually work out just fine. Happy b-day to the boys.
You are SO WISE. The party sounds PERFECT on so many levels.
My 12 yr old son even told me to stop referring to them as BIRTHDAY parties. As in "Aidan is going to a BIRTHDAY party this Saturday night." which made him shudder and cringe in the carpool. Apparently, birthday or not, now that they're in Big Bad Middle School, it's JUST A PARTY.
Same son wanted to go to the middle school lock-in several months back. Claimed "everybody" was going. A few phone calls confirmed this was Not So. As a consolation prize, we let him invite about 10 friends over to spend the night. In the tree fort. 40 yards away from the house.
The only bathroom they were allowed was the pool bathroom, which I locked off from the house. I threw several boxes of pizza and soda bottles out the back door around dinnertime, about midnight I yanked the Very Long Extension cord which fueled their light and boom box. The next morning I shoved a large tray of cinnamon buns and several 8-packs of Sunny D out the back door.
Only 3 fraidy cats snuck into the house in the middle of the night to sleep on the living room floor, and one kid called his mom to come get him about 10, saying he had a stomach ache.
Other than that, I hardly had to see/hear them.
My son and daughter have their birthdays one month apart. It makes my brain hurt and she doesn't even HAVE friends to invite. It is mainly because she discusses her birthday 364 other days of the year.
I don't think he has realized yet that he WILL NOT be inviting his entire class.
I just wish we had a house with a basement big enough to chuck em all in.
I wish I was 11! Or 9! Seriously, a night w/out responsibility, eating whatever I want, letting the "soda pour like rain from the heavens." Sounds like a real party to me!
i like your birthday planning more than i like that backpackingdad's birthday planning. hopefully he gets his act together before any further postings that will freak me out. i'm totally going for your birthday planning when i grow up.
ohmygod. teenage boys STINK. the WORST is after a sleepover. i have my two teenage nephews every few weekends. and they sleep over. OHMYGOD. the STENCH. which is made worse by that AXE crap. who invented that???? not a MOTHER.
"There is not enough Febreeze in the world to make this okay."
Ha ha ha!
with emily's 8th birthday last month, we shifted from the big 30+ kid themed party into a whole new world of SMALL parties. it was a night of no sleep. but the entire party cost me three pizzas and a cake and emily had more fun than she's ever had at a party.
Could not agree more.
Bitrthday parties in a box are over rated, too much work for moms, no fun for the kids, expensive and for the foolhearty.
And I really really can relate to the air fresheners, could never tell if it was my son or his friends and it didnt really matter. They all smelled that way!
"...lots of air freshener" LOL, that's for sure!
My kids attended an indoor playground party, the kind that I did for the boy a couple of times, and the girlie once so far. It was a war zone (of the 30 plus kids kind, each kid cried at one point) and even my boy noticed...."Mom, it smells like sweat and bleach". Lovely.
I swore that last year's laser tag was the last time we would do volume, but this year I succumbed yet again. With max. 12 boys (including the biggest boy, ie. the Dad) it's what he wanted, so the sticky stuff and pizza, screaming and thump in your chest loud music will commence three weekends hence...can you tell I'm pumped?
He hits double digits next year, so max. number of attendees will go to single digits. Fair deal, I say.
Ah, hell; you've gone and done it now. Hanukkah Harry is going to skip your house for sure after that bacon comment. No socks for you.
LOL awesome.
I'm a recent convert- for the first 7 years- I was SUPERMOM!!! (cue cheesy hero music)
I threw the BEST birthday parties EVER!!! I did the sleepover pool parties at the hotel with kid-themed rooms. I did the local play palace extravaganza!!!
And I didn't just stop at birthdays either- I would turn my house into a spooky haunted house and do a halloween party with 15 or 20 kids... I did Christmas parties and easter parties and and and... I was the mom who ALWAYS got to hold the sleepovers. I was the mom who spent DAYS cleaning popcorn out of the couch, and digging gummy candies out of the rugs.... and scrubbing BLUE gatorade off the brand-new hardwood floors...
This year?? We took my daughter to a movie. Her grandparents and ONE of her cousins was there too. Nana and grumpy bought her a pop and popcorn... we watched the movie, had cake at grandparent's house, and went home.
I didn't have to clean a damn thing!!! I didn't spend more than $40!!! It was AMAZING!!!!! And my daughter LOVED it!! Hallelujah!!! I have seen the light!!! No more big parties for my little princess!! bwahaahhhahahahaha... am I an evil mom?? Because if I am- I don't care- it actually feels kinda good!!
My husband's birthday, my older son's, and mine are all in a two week spread right now. It's like a fiesta.
Ahhhh my future is going to be full of stinky boys.
Good luck with the party! My SIL does this, her son, her sisters two sons and my brothers son have birthdays days apart in June. So she has a party for 4 boys. Over in done in one rip of the bandage. And the adults relax afterwards with much alcohol!
Haha, sounds like a great plan to me! I hope they have a great time. Good luck ;)
You really want to slack off, declare birthday parties over after 10 years old. That's the way it works here. After that a max of two friends are allowed to sleep-over and they are not told it's a birthday so we don't get more presents we don't need. Greatest thing ever. With three kids, I'm down to one still having parties and those are generally pretty low key as well.
my kids have birthdays 4 days apart but because my 6yo is a boy and the 4yo is a girl, they don't want to share their celebrations. so, last year, my son had a father/son party for him and 5 friends and their dads at the aviation museum. and a week later, his sister had a mother/daughter party for her and 5 friends and their mums at the indoor mini-golf park. cost us a pretty penny.
not sure what we'll be doing this year... wish I could do what you did... that's awesome.
Please come talk to all of the parents where I live. I know they think I'm crazy because I rarely take my kid to these insane parties. I don't throw parties for my kids at bowling alleys, swimming pools, or gymnastics centers. I hate the goody bog crap but I do them because they are expected. I've only survived this long because my oldest kids birthday is during summer break. You know what we do? go camping or rent a cabin or go spend the night in the city and celebrate as a family. When they get a little older I think the big "independent" sleepover will be my choice as well. Well done. That's what I wanted when I was that age too.
Can you take over the world and write the rules on birthday celebrations? I like your concept of simple and something that the kids actually want to do. I am totally over million dollar birthday parties every other weekend and a house full of crap plastic goodie fun that has to be smuggled to the bin. Vote 1 Mr Lady - party coordinator extraordinaire.
Sounds like a great time for the kids. Hope it's not too crazy stressful for you.
That is how all my birthday parties (and those of my friends) were spent in my tweens.
I totally needed this. My boys are still young (3.5 and 1), but I have a 13-year-old stepdaughter. So much drama over a frickin' birthday!
Did we have the same parents? Grace, is that you?
I'm one of 6 kids, and our parents made sure we were special in the household on our birthdays. Wake up to presents, pick out what to have for dinner, cake (made with the help of my sisters). But no birthday parties. I'm certainly not bitter about it. I'm glad for what I had!
But I'm with you: who are we giving these parties for, anyway? Our kids or the neighbors and the other parents at school?
I gotta tell ya, though: The 1st birthday? Entirely for the parents. As in, invite people YOU like and after the kids go to bed, hang out all night and talk. No birth stories necessary. Really, because the guy is only 1 and would play in the recycling if you'd let him, no gifts necessary, either. Just make sure to bring a six-pack for the proud mom and dad.
I think you have the right Idea chica...my lil bro and I were 2 years apart and all our friends got along...we had combined parties once a year...no bed time, a ton of junk food, and our friends. Now all of us "friends"get together and have bonfires while our wee ones play. O' and there is always a keg! :)
Make sure you verify what movies are within reach. Just sayin'....
I love this idea, the Freedom Party! Rock on!
WOW you are one cool frood you know that. The whole just leaving them alone in the basement with thier friends is probably the best damn present they will ever get for any birthday. Hopefully if they are really lucky and they have wives their wives will just leave them alone on their birthdays and let them "play with the boys" as you are doing now.
I am so with you on this one. My middle son's 7th birthday party is today. We washed some army men (ok, I didn't REALLY wash them, but I am telling everyone I DID. Shhhh...), slapped them on a cake with green frosting and voila! An Army party. Complete with a few balloons left from parties past, an old birthday banner I bought 10 years ago (best $3 I ever spent) and a couple of games like Simon Says.
We invited the neighbor kids and 2 girls from his class. We had intended on inviting a few of the boys, but I am such a horrible mother that I didn't actually want to DRIVE to their homes to deliver the invites, and the window of opportunity passed. Oh Darn! 2 or 3 less presents.... Too bad!
The slumber party my eldest had this year was his favorite. Like you said: some sugar, some salt and ear plugs. Definitely a sense of humor, and he had a blast.
Hope you survive. Lock the basement door and get out the booze.
I agree, lock the basement door and hide with a bottle of whatever makes it a numb memory... and fast.
On the birthday party note, DS (2 on monday) is having Pizza... with myself, his father, uncle and godmother... how's that for a rocking party?
Im sure he'll have some surpressed traumatic memory of it later on in life... but hey, he got pizza didn't he?
Better than nothing in my books :D
Hope you survived.
I know you already have 49 comments and might not read this one -- but THIS is why I ADORE you. I have exactly the same birthday party philosophy. (Wait, so I adore you because you agree with me? Yikes. Narcissist much, MommyTime?) Anyway, I totally agree. For the past few years, we've been all fire station this, and Transformers that, and next weekend are embarking on Hello Kitty Extravaganza. (where extravaganza means I'm drawing Hello Kitty in icing on the top of her home made cake, and the other three year olds will get a sheet of Kitty stickers and some pink hair bows as prizes to take home). Daughter is over the moon excited. But it's really so much easier (and cheaper) than renting out the bouncy castle place or whatever other over-achiever parties are possible that I am actually looking forward to it. And once they get to first grade or so, we are totally going the sleep-over, or two friends for bowling, or some other activity birthday. You rock.
Buy lots of lavendar-scented air freshener. :)