Friday
May222009
Standing On The Shoulders Of Giants
Friday, May 22, 2009 at 2:06AM | Mr Lady
I've been trying to write this goddamn book for years.
Really, years.
The first time I started it, I was maybe 14. I gave it another whack when I was 19. At 25, once I knew everything there ever was to know in life, I sincerely had an honest go at it. For the four years I've had this blog, I've tried every year to use NaNoWriMo as my motivation. I even had a team of fellow wanna-be writers to dream work with for a while, but we always ended up wine-drunk and no good ever comes from wine-drunk. Unless you're the guy who's getting the tip at the end of the night.
It's always been the same story, it just keeps getting longer and more convoluted the longer I wait. Now that I'm comfortably wedged somewhere between menstruation and death, and I have all new motivation to get this thing going (see: greying hairs, kids hitting puberty, bunions), still I just can't. I blame this on the fact that I've read too many good books already. Maybe I'm just lazy. Bygones.
When I go through my "serious" phase on my blog, like I seem to be in now, and sorry about that*, I can't read other people's blogs because I can't sort out my own thoughts from all of yours. When I go through my "oh my god I'm so close to 40 I could pick its nose" phase, I can't read other people's books because it makes me cringe that I still can't do that after all these years. Reading The Bloggess just makes me want to go work at McDonald's. I'm not the only one, either.
That said, when I got into it with one of the eleventy-hundred people at the mall trying to push their credit card down my throat, when I explained that I think credit cards are the downfall of modern society, but thanks, and the guy went from sneering at me to really asking me why I thought that and we got to talking, not just pitching, he asked me what I did for a living. I didn't hesitate for a second when "writer" fell out of my mouth and landed on his tie.
Apparently, I think I'm a writer. Which explains why I can't read anything right now. I can't even listen to anything more that the first Live album and The Kings of Leon at the moment. Both of which are great, but not that great.
I got through Marshall Karp's book with flying colors, mainly because he's kind of hot and more mainly because Beth asked me to and mostly mainly because they gave me three bags of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups afterwards. Also because it kicked ass. Also also because his book isn't the type of book I'm trying to write.
The main problem I have is that I want to write the kinds of books I like to read, and I've read them all. A million times over. I am a repeat reader, and I am happy that way. I read authors, not books. I love authors, and so I love what they write, even what the thing they write goes on for fucking ever and makes me wonder if it isn't time for him to retire. I'll still read it because I love that man and I can glean what I love about him through his ether-induced ramblings.
So, naturally, I'm a little concerned about how long it's going to take me to get to, and then through, Chuck Palahniuk's new book that's sitting on my desk right now, all autographed and shit. AUTOGRAPHED.
Zoeyjane and I drug all of my kids and all of her kid down to a bookstore where he spoke for 90 minutes and then autographed copies of his new book. My boys loved him. They talked to him after and he talked back and now they want to read all of his books, which of course I said no to, until they're ten, which makes me the worst mother ever but do you know how awesome it is when your kids appreciate the stuff you're into? Best. Feeling. Ever.
Ever.
So I've got this new book sitting there on my desk, and I've got his older book Choke which I still haven't read for some crazy reason, and i've got World War Z as well because it was screaming at me from the endcap in the store, and I just can't bring myself to open any of them right now. Because if I do, I'm perching myself up on the shoulders of these authors who have done what I dream of doing, I'm seeing how far down the fall is, and I realize that I'm left just cold.
And so, for now, I'm going to light my own fire and hunker down and let the world wait while I find a way to tell this story. While I find MY way to tell it. But I better do it soon, because god damn do I want to read about the zombie wars.
*Really, I almost got weepy all over my final American Idol recap of the year. Weepy, I tell you.
Really, years.
The first time I started it, I was maybe 14. I gave it another whack when I was 19. At 25, once I knew everything there ever was to know in life, I sincerely had an honest go at it. For the four years I've had this blog, I've tried every year to use NaNoWriMo as my motivation. I even had a team of fellow wanna-be writers to dream work with for a while, but we always ended up wine-drunk and no good ever comes from wine-drunk. Unless you're the guy who's getting the tip at the end of the night.
It's always been the same story, it just keeps getting longer and more convoluted the longer I wait. Now that I'm comfortably wedged somewhere between menstruation and death, and I have all new motivation to get this thing going (see: greying hairs, kids hitting puberty, bunions), still I just can't. I blame this on the fact that I've read too many good books already. Maybe I'm just lazy. Bygones.
When I go through my "serious" phase on my blog, like I seem to be in now, and sorry about that*, I can't read other people's blogs because I can't sort out my own thoughts from all of yours. When I go through my "oh my god I'm so close to 40 I could pick its nose" phase, I can't read other people's books because it makes me cringe that I still can't do that after all these years. Reading The Bloggess just makes me want to go work at McDonald's. I'm not the only one, either.
That said, when I got into it with one of the eleventy-hundred people at the mall trying to push their credit card down my throat, when I explained that I think credit cards are the downfall of modern society, but thanks, and the guy went from sneering at me to really asking me why I thought that and we got to talking, not just pitching, he asked me what I did for a living. I didn't hesitate for a second when "writer" fell out of my mouth and landed on his tie.
Apparently, I think I'm a writer. Which explains why I can't read anything right now. I can't even listen to anything more that the first Live album and The Kings of Leon at the moment. Both of which are great, but not that great.
I got through Marshall Karp's book with flying colors, mainly because he's kind of hot and more mainly because Beth asked me to and mostly mainly because they gave me three bags of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups afterwards. Also because it kicked ass. Also also because his book isn't the type of book I'm trying to write.
The main problem I have is that I want to write the kinds of books I like to read, and I've read them all. A million times over. I am a repeat reader, and I am happy that way. I read authors, not books. I love authors, and so I love what they write, even what the thing they write goes on for fucking ever and makes me wonder if it isn't time for him to retire. I'll still read it because I love that man and I can glean what I love about him through his ether-induced ramblings.
So, naturally, I'm a little concerned about how long it's going to take me to get to, and then through, Chuck Palahniuk's new book that's sitting on my desk right now, all autographed and shit. AUTOGRAPHED.
Zoeyjane and I drug all of my kids and all of her kid down to a bookstore where he spoke for 90 minutes and then autographed copies of his new book. My boys loved him. They talked to him after and he talked back and now they want to read all of his books, which of course I said no to, until they're ten, which makes me the worst mother ever but do you know how awesome it is when your kids appreciate the stuff you're into? Best. Feeling. Ever.
Ever.
So I've got this new book sitting there on my desk, and I've got his older book Choke which I still haven't read for some crazy reason, and i've got World War Z as well because it was screaming at me from the endcap in the store, and I just can't bring myself to open any of them right now. Because if I do, I'm perching myself up on the shoulders of these authors who have done what I dream of doing, I'm seeing how far down the fall is, and I realize that I'm left just cold.
And so, for now, I'm going to light my own fire and hunker down and let the world wait while I find a way to tell this story. While I find MY way to tell it. But I better do it soon, because god damn do I want to read about the zombie wars.
*Really, I almost got weepy all over my final American Idol recap of the year. Weepy, I tell you.
Reader Comments (45)
I totally get where your coming from. I started trying to wrote a book when I was in 3rd grade. I've been jumping from idea to idea ever since, never writing a draft of more than a dozen pages. My brother is almost done with his book (an I mean almost done as in on the fourth or fifth full scale draft). I've so many ideas and I really feel like I can do of but j need time to dedicate to it, which is impossible to justify at the moment--so, once again, I'm telling myself, 'next year I can take the time to start writing the novel'. Lame.
Having just finished the audiobook of Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell, I'm moving into World War Z. I'm sure my recent zobie fixation didn't go unnoticed :)
Damn iPhone spell check. It makes all my text go winky ;(
The fact that you like Chuck Palahniuk, even if you can't read him right now, makes me love you even more than I already did.
When I'm on my writing kick, I actually like to read more, especially books by my favorite authors, because it gives me ideas and inspires me to write more.
Do you need a muse? I can be your large hairy naked muse. Anytime. :)
Hey Mr. Lady! If you write it...............I will read it. Peace, Mike.
I wish I could write...well, maybe not, but I wish I reallly knew what I wanted to do...I am so jealous that not only do you know, but you have known for a long time.
Well, I've already picked the nose of 40, and I'm not too far from scratching the ass of 50, and I still haven't written the book I wanted to have written by the time I was 25. I have a new motivation now, though. My 13 year old wants to be a writer, so I want to finish the book. Just to show her it can be done.
Writers don't necessarily write novels or books. Writers write lots of things, like articles, short stories, adult film scripts...
and you should totally call it 'bygones'
cause that word is you. Well not technically. You know what I mean.
Hell, I don't even know.
Ignore this comment. It never happened.
I've never aspired to write a book, hell, I don't think anyone gives a damn what I write on my blog (although I seem to get people reading it according to Lijit...) I admire you for having the courage to do it, regardless of how long it takes.
And I'll buy it...but I want a kick-ass autograph.
So funny you should mention writing a book. I just posted the first chapter to my first actual book yesterday. I find that reading inspires me to write. I get a feel for how I should be speaking as an author.
I first started my new book in the first person, as it happened. It was so very difficult to use the words "say" as opposed to "said" that I went back and made everything past tense. Now I have my flow.
I read Janet Evanovich's number series. When I finished last years book, I was certain it was time to start the long awaited "book". This years book comes out in 9 days, and I have just finished my first chapter. I am with you... a big procrastinator.
Hey if you want to take a look at some elf writing, as opposed to giants, you can read mine.
http://routledge.wordpress.com/
I don't have aspirations to write a novel but I really, really want to finish a long short story I wrote last year. And it makes me crazy that it's almost done, has edits on it, and I can't work up the time and motivation to dig in there and finish it up.
I sympathize with your fears and frustrations.
I also TRULY believe you can accomplish what you want.
I'm just going to comment on the Idol recap...I have decided to boycott Idol for next year. I mean I like Kris; however I think Danny (RDJ lookalike hottie) was more deserving to be in the finals then to just have Adam not win - WTF AMERICA!
I "accidentally" wrote a book about a year and a half ago. My wife kept telling me to write, but I had no desire to do so. Then my daughter went to kindergarten and I was feeling all sad, so I started to write and before I knew it (in about three months time) I had a 600 page manuscript and a difficult time arguing I wasn't a writer. Now I do it full time, and alas, haven't had the time to go back and edit my book. Frustrating indeed. My time will come. So will yours. You are an excellent writer already.
Want me to come over and smack you around till you start writing? I'll use the same phrase I use for my boys:
Put your pencil on that paper NOW! Just write SOMEthing! ANYTHING.
:)
That said, I don't delude myself into thinking I have the patience to write a BOOK. Posts and articles are about as much attention span as I have...
Good luck. And go WRITE SOMETHING. ANYTHING.
It's there. You have it...you just need to find it.
I would read your goddamn grocery list. I bet it's witty.
I've never had the desire to write a book. I know I wouldn't be good at it, and any subject I'd want to write about would have been 1,000 times over.
As for reading, I stick with forensic, serial killer stuff. I don't learn anything but love the suspense and the characters, and my mind can get lost and I don't have to really THINK while I'm reading.
And a book that's 800 pages long that can make your forearms sore (according to Amazon) does not sound like fun to me! LOL
not to be a bitch or anything, but did you mean world war z? awesome book. effin' rad. a little confusing, b/c it follows a bunch of people, but it's GOOD. also good in the apocaliptic subject is cormac mcarthy's the road. uplifting, in an end of the world as we know it way.
oh, and you can totally come over and read my blog because it's a blob right now. i have no writing in me. none. so it plops on the screen and that's it. like that sentence. what?
whiskers. hahaaha. should be whiskers in my sippy cup.
did i just make a funny?
who's laughing? i haz a bald spot the size of a silver dollah on me head.
maybe i should just write my blog posts in your comments.
or i should write my blog posts like i'm writing to you.
dear mr. lady.
.....
nope. don't work.
oh... and i've read at least FIVE books that had spelling errors and poorly formed sentences. you can totally hit that shit, yo.
READ BIRD BY BIRD, by Anne Lamont. OMG, i will SEND it to you. best book about the innards of a writer's head EVAR. seriously, it doesn't even read like a "book about how to write". it's like a conversation with a woman who writes books. just write. even if it's garbage.
i can't send it to you, i don't have your address.
I'm never going to write a book, because I can't write anything longer than four paragraphs, and I've heard that's problematic.
I'm glad Chuck inspired you. I've met him before, and he's quite full of The Awesome.
Dude. It's all perspective. YOU make me want to go work at McDonald's. Okay? Thank God I know I'm not a writer. It's a lot easier that way.
:-)
The point is there are all kinds of people who need and crave all kinds of different voices. And your voice is one that a certain amount of us crave. So write damn it. Stop thinking and comparing yourself to these friggin' giants.
Just start writing your story....
I love that first Live album.
I keep hearing about World War Z. I don't usually go for zombie stuff, but I might have to pick that one up.
Strangely enough, I've never met a writer who actually *liked* writing. Or who wanted to do it most of the time. Or thought it was easy. I've heard they exist, but I think they may be lying.
I just finished writing a novel for my senior thesis. Good luck! It's actually worth it once you hit the end. It's just the beginning that sucks.
I am so glad to hear you are writing a book! You are to writing like Adam Lambert is to music.....and I can't wait for both of your debuts.
Do it Lady. You've got this. You can totally do it. And let me know if you need a Beta reader or anything...I'm totally up for the job if you need anything ;)
You are a writer.
Identity crisis over.
#1) Live and Kings of Leon? I always thought we were friends :)
#2) My four year old niece the other day said her two favorite music comes from John Mellencamp (my all time fav) and Modoc (my husband's band). Yes! I totally know what you mean when you say it's the best feeling ever and she isn't even my daughter! Shameless promotion: www.myspace.com/modoc
I would read your book... for sures. AND, I would ask you to autograph it.
And then I would think I should just work at McDonalds. Well, that, I already do.
I would travel across state lines to get an autographed copy of your first book, because I know there will be a first, meaning there will have to be more after than one.
#1) Live AND Kings of Leon? I always thought we were friends :)
#2) My four year old niece the other day said her two favorite music comes from John Mellencamp (my all time fav) and Modoc (my husband's band). Yes! I totally know what you mean when you say it's the best feeling ever and she isn't even my daughter!
You are a writer. A good one. Writers write. And you write and what you write is hilarious and insiring and real and keeps many, many people coming back for more. So yeah, writer you are.
Also, some famous writer (I don't remember who, because I have the memory span of a carrot) said that it really isn't that he (or possibly she?) wanted to write books, but rather that the books wanted to be written. If s/he had an idea for a story, s/he wouldn't write it and would see if it would just go away. Sometimes it would. And sometimes it wouldn't and it would stick around and demand to be written. If you've had the same idea for a story, even if it's evolved over the years, since you were 14, I would say that you have a book that's demanding you write it. And you know a lot of people want to read it!
And finally, gree that Palahniuk is all kinds of awesome. I met him a couple years ago when he and Douglas Coupland were reading from their then-new books at UBC. So. Freaking. Awesome.
Blogging consistently did a number on my ability to read as much as I used to. The reverse is true also in that when I'm reading, I'm not blogging. Right now I post about once a week. I was supposed to be contributing more to The Women's Colony and I've fallen off the wagon there as well. There's no book in me, but going to other people's blogs--of late--just makes me feel inadequate. Sorry I haven't been around.
Based on what I've read from you over the past couple of years, I would guess that you could be a fabulous writer. Don't try to force creativity. It'll come when it's ready.
I know how you feel about trying to write! I've been trying to write a story for years, but I can't ever get it to come out the way I imagined it!
I wish I had something more intelligent to say but all I've got is: Word and a fist pound.
But of course you're a writer. An amazing one.
That is all.
1. I adore you.
2. I've been trying to write a book for ten years and I feel like an utter failure.
3. I want to read your book. Desperately. Write it.
i know the feeling. i've been trying to write a book for a couple of years now. and i also TOTALLY get the serious, have so much on my mind that i can't read OR write!!
and as for 40...
i've already picked my nose.
sigh.
You can be however old you want to be and still write amazing stuff :) I hope you find the inspiration to write and finish your book. Good luck and we all look forward to seeing your name in the shelves someday :)
Jenny makes me want to hit mcminnesota.com and fill out my application, too. The fact that she left a comment on your blog only makes me want to consider Target employment, as well.
It will come to you when it's ready. I've been saying for years I was going to write a book, and I've never done it. There's a reason my blog has been dead lately. It's because the book is starting to gel. In my head. On paper. In notes in my BlackBerry. I wake up dreaming solutions to the plot problems I've created. It's bleeding out of me, and while I'm no Milton, I understand why he was such an asshat to the people he had transcribing Paradise Lost. Because when you think you have it, you have it, and SOMEONE HAD BETTER GET IT ON PAPER, BY GOD!
I hope you write it soon. I'm coming to see you read it in person, and I'll expect an autograph.
I feel EXACTLY the same way...and it's way easier for me to tell you that you ARE a writer, and you CAN do it, and you SHOULD do it than it is for me to get out of my own way and take my own advice. Do it. Do it.
Read the last quotation on page 30. It's really all we need to read. http://tinyurl.com/oyjajr
Comment Moderation sucks. If you didn't get my spam link, you can replicate it by doing a google book search for The Cambridge Introduction to James Joyce, and then finding page 30, and then reading the last quotation. It's all you need to read about writing. The rest you, much more than many of us, know how to do.
obviously you have a lot of people rooting for you to do it, myself included.
I´m the same kind of reader. I like what I already know I love.
For the record, I ended up buying Pride and Prejudice and Zombies for the same reason you picked up World War Z. And currently, along with a stack of other books that seduced me over the last few months, it's sitting there doing not much. At least, not much except making me giggle whenever I see the cover.
Now, write. Write like the wind.
I don't consider myself a writer yet I've spent most of my life doing it through journals and to make a living. I'm new to your blog and already your voice is so strong and so interesting. So, WRITE! It's who you are. And, now you have to since everyone is excited to read the book even before it's published. I'll be back for more.