;)
Friday
Jun052009
So I'm Sayin' You Have A Chance
Friday, June 5, 2009 at 4:02AM
My husband hates tattoos.
Correction: My husband loathes tattoos.
So naturally, one day I left what was at the time our 1of1 with his godmother and scampered off to the tattoo parlor up the street from me, and walked out an hour later with a couple o' fish in the middle of my back. Because I'm a thoughtful and considerate wife.
And it only goes to say that a few years later, when we were officially done having kids because two was plenty for anyone, I'd leave a little early on my way to go see my kids in their Christmas play, at church, and stop at the other tattoo shop up the street and get a big ass arm band with my whole family tree on it. Because it's not like God's going to forgive me at this point anyway.
And just for the record, when you do shit like that, God smites thee and he smites thee hard. By fucking up your whole family tree tattoo with a shiny little new branch two weeks later. Which, ironically enough, turned out to be pretty fucking awesome, so suck on that, God.
But I still can't find anyone who'll add her or her godfather to it. Bygones.
And then, having been glared at and mumbled about under my husband's breath for a few years, I wised up and took the kids out to "run errands" one day and that is when they got the distinct pleasure of passing out when they saw the needle the lady pulled out to stick a hoop through my nose. But at least it wasn't a tattoo.
Turns out, he hates nose-rings even more than tattoos. Who'da thunk it?
A few weeks ago he gave me an extended sigh and a demonstrative eye roll when he asked, "You're getting another fucking tattoo in Chicago, aren't you?" And I told him I wasn't. And I'm not getting a tattoo at BlogHer; I'm getting three. So if you were ever thinking of asking me out, I'd wager that by the first week of August he'll have kicked me to the curb, and your window may just open.
Or he'll still love me just the way I am, and we'll live happily, and doodily, ever after.
Either way, since a whole mess of us have been talking about getting tattoos in Chicago, I made a few phone calls and I sent a few emails and I managed to pull together a little sumpin' sumpin' for those of us who like to tempt fate and there's a little something for the rest of you who would nevereverever or who aren't going to make it to BlogHer in July.
And due to the contract that comes with my ads, you've got to follow this link to my dumb review blog for the juicy details, which involve cheap booze and a whole mess of free stuff....
Correction: My husband loathes tattoos.
So naturally, one day I left what was at the time our 1of1 with his godmother and scampered off to the tattoo parlor up the street from me, and walked out an hour later with a couple o' fish in the middle of my back. Because I'm a thoughtful and considerate wife.
And it only goes to say that a few years later, when we were officially done having kids because two was plenty for anyone, I'd leave a little early on my way to go see my kids in their Christmas play, at church, and stop at the other tattoo shop up the street and get a big ass arm band with my whole family tree on it. Because it's not like God's going to forgive me at this point anyway.
And just for the record, when you do shit like that, God smites thee and he smites thee hard. By fucking up your whole family tree tattoo with a shiny little new branch two weeks later. Which, ironically enough, turned out to be pretty fucking awesome, so suck on that, God.
But I still can't find anyone who'll add her or her godfather to it. Bygones.
And then, having been glared at and mumbled about under my husband's breath for a few years, I wised up and took the kids out to "run errands" one day and that is when they got the distinct pleasure of passing out when they saw the needle the lady pulled out to stick a hoop through my nose. But at least it wasn't a tattoo.
Turns out, he hates nose-rings even more than tattoos. Who'da thunk it?
A few weeks ago he gave me an extended sigh and a demonstrative eye roll when he asked, "You're getting another fucking tattoo in Chicago, aren't you?" And I told him I wasn't. And I'm not getting a tattoo at BlogHer; I'm getting three. So if you were ever thinking of asking me out, I'd wager that by the first week of August he'll have kicked me to the curb, and your window may just open.
Or he'll still love me just the way I am, and we'll live happily, and doodily, ever after.
Either way, since a whole mess of us have been talking about getting tattoos in Chicago, I made a few phone calls and I sent a few emails and I managed to pull together a little sumpin' sumpin' for those of us who like to tempt fate and there's a little something for the rest of you who would nevereverever or who aren't going to make it to BlogHer in July.
And due to the contract that comes with my ads, you've got to follow this link to my dumb review blog for the juicy details, which involve cheap booze and a whole mess of free stuff....
Reader Comments (99)
Why do I have deja vu? If I can afford it, you know I'm in.
I don't care much for them neither. Dating you would be definitely out. Don’t worry about it; I ‘m sure you’ll find somebody to love you? Probably some body with tattoos - eww. :)
I have a full body tattoo that looks just like my skin. It's uncanny.
Hey - to each their own. If your husband loves you - it's with tattoos and all. :) They're part of you. I'm happy with my one, but have been toying with the idea of a stud in my nose for months now. Just a tiny little diamond one. That's all. Maybe. LOL
Thanks for the laugh this morning. Hey I was fresh out of a tattoo apprenticeship when I met my husband, and needless to say, happily covering every inch of skin I could reach. Once we were married, he asked that I not get any more, because he didn't want to be married to a biker bitch.
Luckily for him, I had already done all I could do to myself. Any other tattoo I may want (Really really want, but can't afford) will have to be done by someone else. BOO
I'd sell my toes to get an appointment with Dawn Grace. Gonna work on that.
I don't like tattoos either. Please let me know if your husband is looking for a second wife. No dowry.
Wait -- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Marinka doesn't come with a dowry?? Marinka I will kindly remind you that I didn't sign SHIT.
And another thing: you said you were gonna be attached to my hip all weekend. What if part of your tattoo accidentally gets inked onto me? That would look super weird when we were separated. (Just making sure you've thought this through.)
I love the fact that you did it anyway....and you told God to "suck it." lol.
I've got two tattoo's. One of which I regret only because it was a four leaf clover on my stomach and then of course I got pregnant shortly after (God spite thee) and now it's an oak tree.
I have a stupid one I HATE that I got at 20. What a moron I am. Worse? Me and my bff got matching ones. How lame. Thankfully, it's on my belly and I don't parade that around much anymore and is WELL hidden. I've pondered many times about getting it covered up. My bff did. But she had to. She had a tuck and it got all distorted and looked retarded. Mine just looks fat. And I don't mean phat. (For the record? I HATE my friend's new tatt even more than our old crap one - shh don't tell her). Needless to say, I guess I'm keeping my lousy tatt and won't show anyone ever again. The end.
But I want to see pics of *your* new ones!
I am, sadly, not going to BlogHer. But I do live in Chicago and have piercer and tattoo artist recommendations, should you need them.
And amusingly? You're going to the place I would have recommended, with my favorite piercer, Hank. He's AWESOME.
I'd take you in. Of course my wife might have something to say about that. She doen't have any tattoos though, so maybe that might work out. She wants to be Canadian anyway. Actually we both do... And how would we deal with the kid situation? Whose kids would stay with which parents? Damn... I guess this just wasn't meant to be.
I'm about to get my third, which I'll talk about a little closer to when it happens. With pictures.
#BlogHerTat info, right this way: http://bit.ly/JvpX3
Sounds tempting.. so very tempting..
I've been itching for my 2nd tattoo and I just might jump in with the masses and get INKED at Blogher. The gift certificate would make it that much more of an easier decision!
Thanks.
I'm making plans to go with my daughter for a new tat this summer. I will go hand hold any tat virgins at BlogHer though.
Um, I'm going to BlogHer and I need another tattoo.
roflmao... my husband feels pretty much the same way about tattoos and piercings... but he's military- so he goes away for WEEKS at a time... WEEKS I tell ya!! bwahahahhahaha... first time he went away was for 8 weeks...
He came home to a shiny nose bauble... second time, he was only gone for four and I have a beautiful piece of artwork on my right shoulderblade.... heehee.... I hate when he goes away- but I know, no matter how "artistic" I decide to get with my body- he will still love me... :D
My mom LOATHES tattoos. So naturally my dad has 6, the first of which he got after they had been married for four years, and had two kids. Because that's how he rolls. Sound familiar?
I think I'm in.
My husband hates them too, but them I'm very ficke so I have zero piercings and zero tattoos. I'm sure I'd never like them after two years, nevermind forty.
A good friend of mine is getting her first, and wants a Tinkerbell in American colours on her lower back. Any advice for her?
I hear Ohmommy is getting a tattoo while we are there. A stiletto or something. And she is hiding it from Mr.Ohmommy and he has to 'find it'.
I am also spectacular at starting rumors.
@Audubon Ron, That came in a bit past your bedtime, Ron. Tsk tsk... ;-)
@Avitable, After the screen shot you sent me yesterday, I don't think you have ANY room to tease me for getting tattoos, goober.
Chicago Tattoo and Piercing is where I get my tats done. Not my tits, mind you, my TATS. And they're wonderful.
@Kathy, Oh, Kath. I double dog dare you. TRIPLE DOG DARE.
@Maria, I think I died when I got one. Like, dead died.
@Marinka, He'd consider a straight trade, I think.
@Maggie, dammit, You think we'll be separated? Pshaw. I'm bring extra strength super glue AND a staple gun.
@Futureblackmail, Funny how that works. (gigglegiggle)
@Karen, That is the suckage, dude. And that is also the reason all of mine can be nicely hidden, just in case. :)
@bkwyrm, I'll tell @Zoeyjane. I think she's getting pierced. Thanks, dude!
@Kim, You know you want to.
@MrsFinn, You are my kind of girl, yo.
@Miss Grace, Your dad is the shit, and I think you SHOULD be in.
@Mwa, I am actually shocked that I love mine MORE than when I got them. As for Tinkerbell, I have no idea, dude. Just that red is a hard color to keep in, so I'd go minimal with that.
@TRACI, Jesus Christ on a cracker, I love you.
@Becky, (Snotrocket)
@Mr Lady, Okay! Gee it wasn't very hard to talk me into that one. Heh.
Wish I were coming too and if so I would sooooo get a tattoo with you.
I demand pictures of the finished products since I won't get to see them in person. But I demand nicely. Pretty please.
@Mr Lady, Good use of the reply link :)
I think tattoos are cool. But I also think they are unattractive. I have large scars, which I also think are unattractive.
I am oddly tempted...
@Mr Lady, ooh, look at the fancy comment replies!
And if you want to go get a tat that will droop and stretch when you become an even older lady, I fully support your decision. And stand by my ability to make fun of you!
@Angella, Do you have any? Sorry, I read both of yall and I think it'd be awesome if Angella got one!
@St, No...I don't have one. Yet.
I just adore you, your blog and your attitude!
I just got my nose pierced and I LOVE it! I used some gift money from my MIL to pay for the piercing and let Mr.Man explain how we spent it.
Yeah, I'm really sweet that way.
@Mr Lady, Love the comment thingie doode. I am sat-tees-fied.