;)
Wednesday
Jan272010
Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Little Sisters
Wednesday, January 27, 2010 at 12:19AM
I am the second child in my family; the first was a boy. Of course, that means I think all families should lead off with a boy, then follow up with the girl. It's the natural order of things, as I've seen it.
It's nice having a girl second instead of first because the house is full of legos, so they're instantly the cool toy, which means I'm stepping on plastic flesh-shredding landmines for 10 extra years. When I take her to get a video game, I offer Backyardigans and she picks Phineas and Ferb, which is great because I don't have to listen to yetti-yetti-YETTI! all day long, but Phineas and Ferb is targeted at 8 year old boys, who can read, so instead of her playing Nintendo dress up with penguins and mounties and shit while I nap work, I'm making Ferb dig through nasty old trash piles to find nails to fix a fence that has nothing behind it. Seriously, rip-off. And instead of having a bazillion naked, decapitated Barbies in her bed, I tuck the kid in every night with Crystal King, because he's her baby, and then have to use tweezers try pry most of his body parts out of her flesh in the morning.
I'm beginning to think I may have done this backwards.
But she gets two big brothers, and that makes it worth it. They love her and protect her. They guide her. They help her. They teach her how to do important things like throw and catch a ball, text message, pee standing up, swear in context and have peanut envy.
When it was just me and the boys, the issue of genitalia really never came up because duh, everyone has the same junk. I was diligent about never letting them see me naked, so they only had their father to reference. If dad has it and they have it, everyone has it, right? Now, with the girl, she knows there's a division of goods here. And that child wants a peanut. She wants to be like her brothers. She has a peanut in her coochie, dammit. I've long since given up arguing this with her. Fine, have your peanut. We'll deal with this later.
Later has come.
She was a chipmunk the other day, because she's always something, and she walked right up to me and said, "Momma, I a chipmunk!" and I said super! She said, "Yeah, but I don't wick nuts" and dumbshit me assumed she meant walnuts or chestnuts but she clarified went she bent her little self over in half and said, "See? I can't wick my nuts."
I have absolutely no response to that.
I picked her up from school today and said, "Whuudup, yo?" as she got in the car. Her 12th grade buddy said, "Oh, that's where she gets it." It being what, exactly? "Oh you know, the way she talks. She's always 'awesome this' and 'wicked that'. It's pretty grown up talk for a preschooler." Yeah, just you wait. She has two big brothers. You ain't see nothing yet.
It's nice having a girl second instead of first because the house is full of legos, so they're instantly the cool toy, which means I'm stepping on plastic flesh-shredding landmines for 10 extra years. When I take her to get a video game, I offer Backyardigans and she picks Phineas and Ferb, which is great because I don't have to listen to yetti-yetti-YETTI! all day long, but Phineas and Ferb is targeted at 8 year old boys, who can read, so instead of her playing Nintendo dress up with penguins and mounties and shit while I nap work, I'm making Ferb dig through nasty old trash piles to find nails to fix a fence that has nothing behind it. Seriously, rip-off. And instead of having a bazillion naked, decapitated Barbies in her bed, I tuck the kid in every night with Crystal King, because he's her baby, and then have to use tweezers try pry most of his body parts out of her flesh in the morning.
I'm beginning to think I may have done this backwards.
But she gets two big brothers, and that makes it worth it. They love her and protect her. They guide her. They help her. They teach her how to do important things like throw and catch a ball, text message, pee standing up, swear in context and have peanut envy.
When it was just me and the boys, the issue of genitalia really never came up because duh, everyone has the same junk. I was diligent about never letting them see me naked, so they only had their father to reference. If dad has it and they have it, everyone has it, right? Now, with the girl, she knows there's a division of goods here. And that child wants a peanut. She wants to be like her brothers. She has a peanut in her coochie, dammit. I've long since given up arguing this with her. Fine, have your peanut. We'll deal with this later.
Later has come.
She was a chipmunk the other day, because she's always something, and she walked right up to me and said, "Momma, I a chipmunk!" and I said super! She said, "Yeah, but I don't wick nuts" and dumbshit me assumed she meant walnuts or chestnuts but she clarified went she bent her little self over in half and said, "See? I can't wick my nuts."
I have absolutely no response to that.
I picked her up from school today and said, "Whuudup, yo?" as she got in the car. Her 12th grade buddy said, "Oh, that's where she gets it." It being what, exactly? "Oh you know, the way she talks. She's always 'awesome this' and 'wicked that'. It's pretty grown up talk for a preschooler." Yeah, just you wait. She has two big brothers. You ain't see nothing yet.
Reader Comments (40)
*speechless with laughter
LOL! I still have peanut envy, and my brothers are both younger than me. ;)
She is wicked and awesome. Anyone who coins the phrase "uncool gin" can't be anything but.
: Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Little Sisters http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/2010/01/27/nuts/
That is funny is kind of a disturbing way. I would have been speechless too. I am so glad I have 2 little girls and my tubes tied!
Does your daughter realize that most boys can't wick their own nuts either and that's 93% of their problem?
If us dudes could wick our own nuts...we'd never leave the damn house!
My daughter always says "Me and mommy have a nunu. What do you have daddy?"
My response "...Go ask your mother."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing so hard I'm speechless.
I totally wanted to be able to pee standing up when I was little. My brother is younger than me, and when I found out he could do that I was PISSED, no pun intended.
I grew up with an older brother (and 4 younger sisters, but that is irrelevant to this comment), and when I was about 3-4 years old, I would tell anyone that asked that when I grew up, I was going to be a boy. After all, that is what happened to my brother when he grew up, so why shouldn't it happen to me? My mother finally gave up trying to convince me that I couldn't be a boy. Your daughter is too cute :)
While I still have only boys and only Peanuts...(I've been asked what my coochie is called - I just say "NOT a penis" - it's working for now)...my 4 yr old and 2 yr old say things like "Yo" and "What the French Toast" and "That was totally wicked!" I think it's good for them.
Hearing Yeti Yeti Yeti makes me want to gouge out my eardrums with a hot poker. That and Great Ceasar's Ghost. Why is it that the one show my daughter really isn't into gets into my head the most? I guess its better than This is sewious!
As for wicking her nuts - that is totally wicked awesome!
Can't..stop..laughing.
Man, if I could wick my nuts, I'd never leave the house. And the older brother thing? Pffft. If she has two uncles that think it's funny as shit to teach her phrases from Adam Sandler's "Tollbooth Willie", THEN you'll have a problem.
My kid says wicked too. Also, whatever, just so you know and shush it. There's nothing like tiny kids using old slang to warm your heart.
I have a mix of boys and girls (3 of each) and I always wanted older boys to look after my daughters.. Instead my daughter is the oldest, then a son, then two more girls- followed by the last two boys.. Ohh well, didn't work for me.. The girls do not care that they dont have 'peanuts'.. The 3yr old is very concerned about it though.. He is confident that they must have broke theirs off- which works quite well for me. Whenever he wont keeps his hands off his, I just tell him that if he doesn't be careful it'll fall off & he'll be a girl. The look of horror is amusing enough for me to pay for therapy later :)
Brilliant.
Monkey says "totally" and "awesome" :-)
Those two could take over the world.
can.
not.
breathe.
from.
the.
laughing.
I have 6 children.
In 2 sets of 3.
Not triplets.
Girl, Girl, Boy.... set 1
Boy, Girl, Boy... set 2
Set 2 is like triplets- they are all 17 months apart, in 6th,7th,8th grades.
They *say* they hate each other. They fight like there is no tomorrow.
The boys look after their sister, even though she starts the fights and then steps back and lets boy hormones take over.
I look forward to the day the boys scare off any and all suitors... she will NEVER be able to go on a date!
I tell her to leave her brothers alone... Ahhhh, can't wait to say "I told you so!"
ROFL Yeah me neither, I can’t wick my nuts. I am convinced if God made a man’s neck any longer, there really wouldn’t be many babies in this world.
Awesome that she was able to include a visual demonstration . . . amazing.
x
Paula
www.adhocmom.com
Oh no she didn't.
Still laughing.
Good luck with that one. :)
Wow, she sounds like my kind of girl! My 13-year-old looked at me the other day and said matter-of-factly, "My balls itch." Thanks, hon.
That's hysterical!
i can't stop laughing! however, i've heard my husband say the same thing....
When my daughter first saw her brother's peanut, she said, "Look Mom! He has a tail!."
OH DUDE!! THIS is the 5 PM laughter fix I needed!! I love that girl of yours!!
But my third is a boy after two girls....I'm trying to figure out how that is gonna all play out...hmmm......
Momma's, don't let your babies grow up to be little sisters: http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/2010/01/27/nuts/
Who needs a big laugh right now? Then read. RT @mrlady: Momma's, don't let your babies grow up to be little sisters: http://bit.ly/8ZY3R6
LMAO!!!! I have 2 much older brothers & a 2 1/2 year old peanut of my own. I totally get where she is coming from! I have been surrounded by boys my entire life!!!
As for the "awesome & wicked", be happy, my better 1/2 is a redneck farm boy, so our son is already learning sophisticated words such as SOB, etc. In fact just the other day, the boys walked in & he told me "I'm the law bitches!". (Nice, realllll nice!)(but sooo hard to refrain from laughing). :):)
She can't lick her nuts. This has to be the single best humorous post on parenting moments EVER. And you've written some good ones. Thank you, Thursday has just been made.
@Momma Chaos, My hubby told our son that too..."that's why your sister doesn't have one, because she didn't keep her hands out of her pants and it broke off." I remember laughing but inside groaning and thinking when this would come up on the school playground that that's why the girls in class don't have one.
I hate it when I can't wick my nuts.
I love Phineas and Ferb. Unconditionally.
oh laws. she is too, too, too funny! mine asked, at the age of 5, why i wasn't giving her a baby brother. so i told her about the birds and the bees. she has asked that i refrain from saying, "sex" in her hearing. *sigh*
Pretty grown up talk, my ass. (I got that kind of a comment, too. 'Cept it was about Zoë saying 'oh, my heck', which I don't even say, so I have no idea where it came from.)
Am new here--but am sufficiently entertained by this post so will leave a comment...yo.
There are more peanuts in this house than I know what to do with. It almost gives ME peanut envy. Almost. Not quite. Nope.
As for the adultish language, it's hilarious. And it's real life. And it's totally a symptom of the third child. And because she's the third you don't even have to give a hoot what anyone else is saying or thinking about it...who has room in their brain for that?
Cheers!
Okay, so my kids bathe together and have both seen me naked (how else would I shower them at the gym after the pool?). They know perfectly well what the basic difference is. It makes absolutely no difference, however, to how often they refer the Daughter's "peenus" (which is how they pronounce it). They will quite clearly tell you that girls don't have one. And then they will talk about hers. It makes no sense whatsoever. I don't even try to correct it now.
Now that's funny. I can't wick my nuts. I'm gonna be laughing about that one all day.
I have 3 boys. At around 2.5 the two older ones each went through a phase of total confusion - If Mama ain't got what they got, then how does Mom pee? Their answer? "Mom just poops." Nice.
My son asked, "How do you pee without a penis?"
aahhh hahahahaha she is clearly AWESOME like her mom. Comedic genius and I'll-have-the-last word strategist, clearly.