;)
Friday
Nov192010
Of Eggs and PR People
Friday, November 19, 2010 at 12:04PM
In the eight weeks from when I first found out I was going to have all of this surgery, I did what I'd say was a remarkable job of avoiding Dr Google. I considered my situation a need to know basis, and I didn't. I needed to show up. I'm great at showing up.What I'm not great as is understanding basic human anatomy, so when they doctor told me I was having a Total Hysterectomy, but keeping my ovaries, I was a little confused.
I had my marching orders in hand from the doctor and the admissions people at the hospital and they all said Total Hysterectomy with blah blah blah other procedures and I was confused because I assumed that meant Uterus and Ovaries because who gives a shit about the Cervix and that is why I have tree unplanned children. As it turns out, your ovaries aren't actually attached to your uterus and don't count as part of it. Your cervix totally does. And some people get to keep their cervix. I am not some people.
Anyway, it's been three weeks since my surgery and four weeks since my last period and that means that I, right now, am having my first un-period. I actually prepared for this. By searching Google. Because I'm an idiot. I just couldn't fathom what my ovaries would do if there wasn't a uterus dangling near-by them and everyone in Googleville told me that I probably wouldn't have much in the way of PMS anymore since my eggs had no place to go but it turns out that my eggs don't dig the whole "unrequited" thing and have gone on the offense.
That is to say that, for the first time since my first period on October 8th, 1988, I have raging, evil, inexplicable PMS. How do I know this? Exhibit A:
Exhibit B: My Sent Email box.
I've been blogging for five years and 10 months. I get my fair share of email pitches, and most of them are bad, but I've never really care too much about them even though it's like the new rite of passage in blogging to publicly commiserate with your peers about the audacity of your PR pitches. This has always screamed to me of bragging, like, OhMyGod, Becky, I really need you to know you will never believe how many people didn't realize I was too good for them today harumph. Until I got some PMS. And now I get it. No my head is exploding every time I open my email.
PR people are seriously emailing bloggers and saying 'Hi, I work for this random obscure company you've never heard of. Please send all of your analytic information from the past six months to random at email address dot com'. REALLY. And that's it.
They want to 'suggest' articles for us to write or 'guest post' for us on our blog so that they can get uncompensated advertising on our blogs? Really? Ask the Wall Street Journal to link to you for free, I double dog dare you. No, I don't think my blog is the Wall Street Journal but if you think I write 'articles' and am in the habit of ''publishing' press releases, you clearly think I am.
Someone asked me to post pictures of their clothing in exchange for a VIP link to their website. Like, is there a line to get it? Do I have to get a boob job and extensions to order your clothes? Do I get an double pour of Hennessey in my snifter if I enter your site through the VIP link?
A PR person for a brand new mommy blogging toy review company thing who has zero experience in PR and less in grammar asked me what I charged for my email list. I will not only not sell you my email list, because A) I value my readers and B) it's fucking ILLEGAL, I will flag your name and the name of the site you're working for and the second I get a commerical message from you, I'll know you bought someone's list and I'll report your ass to canspam because guess what? I do email marketing for a living.
And the thing is, since my ovaries have no where left to funnel their rage anymore, I need a new outlet - which has come down to gorging on cheeseburger or replying to these people. I've chosen the latter, with my ad rates. Or advice. Which, oddly enough, really effectively shuts people up because I think a good many of these PR people have gotten the Public and the Media parts down, but they seem to have forgotten that Public Relations contains the world Relations. Social Media contains the word Social.
But not all of them.
Companies like Chevy get that we're people and we like to be treated like people. The fact that I can meet the regional PR rep for lunch and just have lunch speaks volumes about the character of the company. The fact that I've asked them for way more than they've asked me for, that they took the time to read the words on my blog before they emailed me tells me that they're in this for the relations and it makes me want to work with them.
Companies like Kenmore rebrand and rebuild themselves based on the the input of normal old people. They asked people to describe their company in a word, turned those into word clouds, and based their new product line on the results...from the font up.
I found it fascinating and refreshing to see how, at every level, this major corporation was hearing people, rather than trying to make them listen. They're tapping into local media with their Kenmore Live Studios and Social Media with the funniest PR person the world has ever known and treating bloggers like people and professionals and actually paying them for insane things like their TIME and OPINIONS and all the while delivering a solid product that my kids could use to play hide and seek.
That's, like, the perfect storm of marketing and I suddenly wish my house wasn't top to bottom Whirlpool because I totally want to put my money behind the company that is putting their money behind customer relations.
Companies like XBox seem to understand that if I'm on Twitter asking my friends if Santa should bring an XBox 360 or a PS3 and one of your paid spammers replies to me with a link that looks legit but really isn't, I'm going to hate you. But if you reply to me even though I wasn't talking to you and you say actual human things and are actually humanly helpful over the course of 30 minutes, I'm going to buy your product simply because you as a company are willing to invest in your relationships with consumers.
But of course I screwed myself because I decided to buy the damn Xbox right when Burger Kind decided to have their "we're giving away an Xbox every 15 minutes" thing and my kids will.not.shut.up.about.it so I took them to try and win one, which cost me $30 and an hour of my life I will never get back. Also, their dreams are crushed. Thankfully, Christmas morning should see that mended and see my without another pedicure for two years. Such is the price we pay for childhood whimsy.
But to say thank you to Xbox for the good service and Burger King for the burgers with mayo, I'm giving away 20 $10 gift cards to Burger King so you can try to win your kids and XBox Kinect, too. The whole giveaway they're doing ends on the 28th, so we have to do this fast. I'll draw 20 winners on Sunday so we can mail the gift cards out on Monday. If we don't get them there in time, go here. You can get 6 free codes online to enter, but you don't get a Whopper with that.
And really, I just want the Whopper. With extra mayo and tomatoes. More than I've ever wanted anything in my whole life. Is this really what PMS is going to be like for the next 30 years?
I had my marching orders in hand from the doctor and the admissions people at the hospital and they all said Total Hysterectomy with blah blah blah other procedures and I was confused because I assumed that meant Uterus and Ovaries because who gives a shit about the Cervix and that is why I have tree unplanned children. As it turns out, your ovaries aren't actually attached to your uterus and don't count as part of it. Your cervix totally does. And some people get to keep their cervix. I am not some people.
Anyway, it's been three weeks since my surgery and four weeks since my last period and that means that I, right now, am having my first un-period. I actually prepared for this. By searching Google. Because I'm an idiot. I just couldn't fathom what my ovaries would do if there wasn't a uterus dangling near-by them and everyone in Googleville told me that I probably wouldn't have much in the way of PMS anymore since my eggs had no place to go but it turns out that my eggs don't dig the whole "unrequited" thing and have gone on the offense.
That is to say that, for the first time since my first period on October 8th, 1988, I have raging, evil, inexplicable PMS. How do I know this? Exhibit A:
Exhibit B: My Sent Email box.
I've been blogging for five years and 10 months. I get my fair share of email pitches, and most of them are bad, but I've never really care too much about them even though it's like the new rite of passage in blogging to publicly commiserate with your peers about the audacity of your PR pitches. This has always screamed to me of bragging, like, OhMyGod, Becky, I really need you to know you will never believe how many people didn't realize I was too good for them today harumph. Until I got some PMS. And now I get it. No my head is exploding every time I open my email.
PR people are seriously emailing bloggers and saying 'Hi, I work for this random obscure company you've never heard of. Please send all of your analytic information from the past six months to random at email address dot com'. REALLY. And that's it.
They want to 'suggest' articles for us to write or 'guest post' for us on our blog so that they can get uncompensated advertising on our blogs? Really? Ask the Wall Street Journal to link to you for free, I double dog dare you. No, I don't think my blog is the Wall Street Journal but if you think I write 'articles' and am in the habit of ''publishing' press releases, you clearly think I am.
Someone asked me to post pictures of their clothing in exchange for a VIP link to their website. Like, is there a line to get it? Do I have to get a boob job and extensions to order your clothes? Do I get an double pour of Hennessey in my snifter if I enter your site through the VIP link?
A PR person for a brand new mommy blogging toy review company thing who has zero experience in PR and less in grammar asked me what I charged for my email list. I will not only not sell you my email list, because A) I value my readers and B) it's fucking ILLEGAL, I will flag your name and the name of the site you're working for and the second I get a commerical message from you, I'll know you bought someone's list and I'll report your ass to canspam because guess what? I do email marketing for a living.
And the thing is, since my ovaries have no where left to funnel their rage anymore, I need a new outlet - which has come down to gorging on cheeseburger or replying to these people. I've chosen the latter, with my ad rates. Or advice. Which, oddly enough, really effectively shuts people up because I think a good many of these PR people have gotten the Public and the Media parts down, but they seem to have forgotten that Public Relations contains the world Relations. Social Media contains the word Social.
But not all of them.
Companies like Chevy get that we're people and we like to be treated like people. The fact that I can meet the regional PR rep for lunch and just have lunch speaks volumes about the character of the company. The fact that I've asked them for way more than they've asked me for, that they took the time to read the words on my blog before they emailed me tells me that they're in this for the relations and it makes me want to work with them.
Companies like Kenmore rebrand and rebuild themselves based on the the input of normal old people. They asked people to describe their company in a word, turned those into word clouds, and based their new product line on the results...from the font up.
I found it fascinating and refreshing to see how, at every level, this major corporation was hearing people, rather than trying to make them listen. They're tapping into local media with their Kenmore Live Studios and Social Media with the funniest PR person the world has ever known and treating bloggers like people and professionals and actually paying them for insane things like their TIME and OPINIONS and all the while delivering a solid product that my kids could use to play hide and seek.
That's, like, the perfect storm of marketing and I suddenly wish my house wasn't top to bottom Whirlpool because I totally want to put my money behind the company that is putting their money behind customer relations.
Companies like XBox seem to understand that if I'm on Twitter asking my friends if Santa should bring an XBox 360 or a PS3 and one of your paid spammers replies to me with a link that looks legit but really isn't, I'm going to hate you. But if you reply to me even though I wasn't talking to you and you say actual human things and are actually humanly helpful over the course of 30 minutes, I'm going to buy your product simply because you as a company are willing to invest in your relationships with consumers.
But of course I screwed myself because I decided to buy the damn Xbox right when Burger Kind decided to have their "we're giving away an Xbox every 15 minutes" thing and my kids will.not.shut.up.about.it so I took them to try and win one, which cost me $30 and an hour of my life I will never get back. Also, their dreams are crushed. Thankfully, Christmas morning should see that mended and see my without another pedicure for two years. Such is the price we pay for childhood whimsy.
But to say thank you to Xbox for the good service and Burger King for the burgers with mayo, I'm giving away 20 $10 gift cards to Burger King so you can try to win your kids and XBox Kinect, too. The whole giveaway they're doing ends on the 28th, so we have to do this fast. I'll draw 20 winners on Sunday so we can mail the gift cards out on Monday. If we don't get them there in time, go here. You can get 6 free codes online to enter, but you don't get a Whopper with that.
And really, I just want the Whopper. With extra mayo and tomatoes. More than I've ever wanted anything in my whole life. Is this really what PMS is going to be like for the next 30 years?
Reader Comments (37)
Would love to win this for my nephews!
Hon, I had my total hysterectomy almost three-and-a-half years ago, and I STILL get raging PMS with breakouts and vats of ice cream and the urge to hurt my fellow man. Enjoy!
Had my hysterectomy years ago and don't get the rages. That doesn't mean I don't get the cheese and ice cream though right???
Oh baby. Oh baby, baby. I went 4 months without a period due to pre-menopause...then two weeks ago, it came back with a vengeance. VENGEANCE, I tell you!!! Complete with chocolate covered raisins and vodka. And vanilla ice cream with butterscotch schnapps poured over it.
Then the NEXT week, I went and got pneumonia and couldn't eat anything at all.
So, now I'm just laying fetal position in my bed - because y'know, I'm afraid of what else is out there ready to get me!
I had my hysterectomy years ago and don't get the rages. That doesn't mean I don't get the cheese and ice cream right???
I had a total hysterectomy 4 years ago on December 6th...not that I'm counting. Mine WAS total because I only had 1 ovary already (I'd had an ooferectomy due to a 5 pound cyst 7 yrs prior). So for me, no more PMS, no more periods...and I'm SO happy. I stopped taking my estrogen so I have hot flashes and the occasional mood swing (according to the hubs)...but I have never been happier. I hope that soon your non-periods are a bit more tolerable for you!!!
Mmm...Whoppers.
I started getting seriously bad PMS after my hysterectomy too (and they even removed one ovary so I thought maybe I'd be spared half the hormones but no, if anything it was twice as bad as ever before)...like bad enough that I had to talk to my shrink and up the happy pills (okay, double them).
I would eat the shit out of some Whoppers with one of those gift cards...
I seriously bust out laughing at the picture of the snacks. I skip the ice cream and use Triskets (SALT!) instead of water crackers, but I know that devil.
So, then, what's my problem? My ovaries funnel their rage right out the regular way. I still have plenty left over.
Enough to eat $10 worth of BK.
I had my TH last year, you know I didn't realize that I was still having pms, just thought it was normal to want to kill people once a month, huh.
You need to get better crackers. Put it on a Ritz! Yummy!
Apparently, I get raging PMS 30 days a month if it's based upon that diet and idiocy-related angst. You just keep teaching me.
I think you need a license to legally weave hysterectomies, the Wall St. Journal and burgers with mayo into one post. But if you give me a gift card, I won't tell.
Best. Product. Filled. Post. EVER.
I have no idea if this is coherent, but there's a giveaway at the bottom. Which is embarrasingly far away from the top. http://bit.ly/bF1Tbf
Find a gym with a boxing class. Hitting stuff is really fun when you're all rage-y.
Hubby would love the x-box. Thanks for doing a giveaway!
PMS? What's that? (dry sarcasm at it's best) There is me and FIVE daughters along with my husband who live in this house. My epitaph should read, "I may look calm, but in my head, I've killed you three times." (My husband merely calls before he comes home from work so he can find out if he'll need the kevlar or not...)
I totally agree with you that I love companies that focus on relations and am glad to hear that Kenmore is an upstanding company but trust me.....keep the whirlpool. My Kenmore dryer costs me $100 a year in standard maintenance. I've paid for the thing twice now.
Yum! Nothing tastes as good as a flame broiled burger. Thanks for the laughs!
Matt in Whopper must have.
They took my ovaries and left the rest. I am cranky and irritable any time that I am not eating or drinking.
IS THAT A MEAT DRAWER? No, really, because my BIGGEST gripe ever about home refrigerators is that the ready to eat produce is expected to be stored under the dripping raw meat, which would get your ass shut down if you were a restaurant, but is apparently totally kosher if you are at home.
Sorry about the eggs ruining your previous lack of PMS. And the whole mess that caused that, really.
I may not have had a lady procedure of the nth degree but I did change my headmeds. And you and I? Seem to have a common goal. What you call customer relations, I call common courtesy.
I work part time for 4 different community colleges. It has its advantages (flexibility to work around my kids) and its disadvantages (no benefits). Anyhoo, one of my college presidents sent an email out to All Mailboxes that basically thanked the faculty/staff for taking on extra loads and doing more so that the college didn't have to add to their regular staff when the previous fall was an increased enrollment of 21% and this fall was 17%. And because of that, the regents approved a stipend to be given to all regular employees. Now having been an adjunct for over 10 years now, I know dern well what that means..."regular" means "full time". And even though I know I'm not getting a stipend, what about some adjunct who is brand new and who got this email? How awful. How inconsiderate. How damn inconsiderate.
And so without giving much thought to the freakin economy and the fact that I should play the game instead of following my head, I shot off a reply telling him that wasn't very nice. Oh, I worded it with a splash of lightheartedness, but my fellow adjuncts are appalled that I would do such a thing.
Well, I'm sorry but common courtesy has flown out the window and apparently, me and my new headmeds have decided that is Our Cause.
High five!
I reply back to those "I represent company X, who is doing blahblahblah, I know you want to share that with your readers, please send me your coverage of this amazing news, I have HIGH RES IMAGES" emails with my rates for freelance writing. Once in a great while I get a bemused reply back that says something about how well, they don't have a budget to pay for writing, but they were sure I would want to tell my readers anyway. Hmmph.
The PMS is also weird with me right now. I lost ten pounds and I guess that reset my hormones, because the night before last, after three days of horrendous cramps, I suddenly screamed at my husband that I needed a cheeseburger, dammit, and if he loved me, he'd go get me one. My period started a few hours later.
And speaking of cheeseburgers - I don't know what it is about the Burger King Whopper Jr., something about the combination of the tomatoes and the ketchup and the mayo, but holy eight pound baby jeesus do I LOVE THEM. I'd love to win a gift card!
I totally followed Kenmore on twitter because of you and I have GE products I love. This is what you do to me.
Girl my mom had one almost 20 years ago and still has the rages.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Mr Lady, Mr Lady. Mr Lady said: I have no idea if this is coherent, but there's a giveaway at the bottom. Which is embarrasingly far away from the top. http://bit.ly/bF1Tbf [...]
We were JUST talking about the Kinect. I'd love one. Plus whoppers are my favorite fast food burger.
I'm drawing 20 names for $10 gc's to burger king's XBox Kinect giveaway in an hour. Now's a good time to enter. http://bit.ly/bF1Tbf
Hope your PMS-ing doesn't roll over into hornyness, I have a feeling that would be really uncomfortable.
so basically you're going to pms by giving away whoppers? i can totally live with that.
thanks for the contest ;-)
Sometimes the Whopper, with extra mayo and tomatoes is the only cure for raging PMS! That and vodka.
I think I'm too lazy to wait around in Burger King for something like that, but then again, my daughter's too young to ask for it. Thank goodness she's still young enough that the kitchen spoon gives her hours of delight.
The Whopper's pretty f*cking awesome, but you can't beat the fries at Mickey D's.
Thanks for another great post, and yeah, I want your fridge.
I really would like a whopper with cheese, no onions. Thank you.
I'm like, totes late to your contest, but I just want to say, my Mommy just went through a hysterectomy and she's still sweet. But I'm waiting for a few days to assess that :D
I just found you (even though I've heard of you for about 2 years but thought, "Oh, one of those TOP mommy bloggers," and shoved you over with Dooce and Pioneer Woman in the Untouchables Category)and read 2 posts. And I love you.
I'm moving you over into Must Read Category.
Back to the real point of this comment--if it had any...
I mess with the PR people by asking for something appropriate, like the product they want me to pimp. For some reason, this enrages them. How dare I ask for more payment than, umm, free?