;)
Sunday
Mar142010
X
Sunday, March 14, 2010 at 11:30PM
Shrouded in the bleak grayness of winter's final desperate push, under sterile florescent lights flickering in time with my breaths, you entered this world. Like a Hollywood movie showcasing the juxtaposition of the fight for humanity against the backdrop of war, you emerged chaotically, bloodied and bruised, weakened yet victorious. We welcomed you onto the battleground of your life; the floors soaked in my blood, the air thickened with dreadful anticipation, while the perfection of your face, your body, your heart and soul sucked the air out of the room and enveloped us all in a vacuum of pure wonder.
For the years' worth of seconds that passed from the moment you exited my body and entered my heart, the world stopped spinning to welcome you. Deafening silence washed over all the whole of creation; the only sound left to be heard was the raging beat of your fierce heart. We spoke not a word to each other, and your cries were notably absent as we lost ourselves in the watery seas of your gaze, as you studied studied our features, as we all came to know each other on the most beautiful gray day in the history of mankind.
Two minutes later, you opened your mouth...and you haven't closed it since. Bygones.
A decade has passed since the first day of our acquaintance, ten long years we have written the story of our lives together. I watch over you carefully as you become, I wash what it scratched and I mend what is broken the best ways I know how, and I hope that it is enough. I watch as you struggle for definition in an undefinable existence, and I try to remind you that the best way to find your way through darkness is by taking the hand of someone who's already walked it. I see the same battle waging inside of you as did me a million years ago, grasping for a hold on a role you cannot comprehend, but recognize the need for.
What I will tell you today, now that you have entered the decade of your life that will see you become more than my son, more than my anything, is this: Your role is the most cherished one to me, your charge the most pressing in my life. You are the gravity that keeps my feet to the earth, the cement that keeps my walls standing around me, the air that begs me to breath in. You are the song that we all sing, the poem of our life. Even when you don't make any sense at all.
Refrigerator.
You are the anthem of this family, the lost chords and the unsung verses forgotten in the dance from this responsibility to that appointment. You are the skip of our collective heart-beat, the pause that reminds us to live. You are the distraction from our distractions, the key to the doors of pure joy that we keep misplacing. You remind me that everything dreadful can be written down, folded up into a paper frog and jumped across the table. You teach me that there is nothing so solemn that a really good fart can't make better. You point out to me that math is great and language is an art but there is power, pure, unadulterated magic, in a #2 doodle.
You remind me to put my hands on the walls of the boxes I've built to shelter myself and shove. You remind me that there is so much more that I don't see because I forget it is there, between the lines, in that tiny gray area I try so hard not to touch. You remind me that even in the cold, dark, dreary days of life, there is unimaginable beauty, just waiting to be found, I just have to be willing to try. And I do try. I try to be better every day for you, I try to help you be unafraid of the person that you are, the mirror image of me. All the while, you keep showing me that I, that we...we are not something to be afraid of. We are divine grace, beautiful works of art, and that greatness lies before our very eyes so long as we are willing acknowledge that which we are, that which we can do.
Funny, it turns out that all I had to do was push.
For the years' worth of seconds that passed from the moment you exited my body and entered my heart, the world stopped spinning to welcome you. Deafening silence washed over all the whole of creation; the only sound left to be heard was the raging beat of your fierce heart. We spoke not a word to each other, and your cries were notably absent as we lost ourselves in the watery seas of your gaze, as you studied studied our features, as we all came to know each other on the most beautiful gray day in the history of mankind.
Two minutes later, you opened your mouth...and you haven't closed it since. Bygones.
A decade has passed since the first day of our acquaintance, ten long years we have written the story of our lives together. I watch over you carefully as you become, I wash what it scratched and I mend what is broken the best ways I know how, and I hope that it is enough. I watch as you struggle for definition in an undefinable existence, and I try to remind you that the best way to find your way through darkness is by taking the hand of someone who's already walked it. I see the same battle waging inside of you as did me a million years ago, grasping for a hold on a role you cannot comprehend, but recognize the need for.
What I will tell you today, now that you have entered the decade of your life that will see you become more than my son, more than my anything, is this: Your role is the most cherished one to me, your charge the most pressing in my life. You are the gravity that keeps my feet to the earth, the cement that keeps my walls standing around me, the air that begs me to breath in. You are the song that we all sing, the poem of our life. Even when you don't make any sense at all.
Refrigerator.
You are the anthem of this family, the lost chords and the unsung verses forgotten in the dance from this responsibility to that appointment. You are the skip of our collective heart-beat, the pause that reminds us to live. You are the distraction from our distractions, the key to the doors of pure joy that we keep misplacing. You remind me that everything dreadful can be written down, folded up into a paper frog and jumped across the table. You teach me that there is nothing so solemn that a really good fart can't make better. You point out to me that math is great and language is an art but there is power, pure, unadulterated magic, in a #2 doodle.
You remind me to put my hands on the walls of the boxes I've built to shelter myself and shove. You remind me that there is so much more that I don't see because I forget it is there, between the lines, in that tiny gray area I try so hard not to touch. You remind me that even in the cold, dark, dreary days of life, there is unimaginable beauty, just waiting to be found, I just have to be willing to try. And I do try. I try to be better every day for you, I try to help you be unafraid of the person that you are, the mirror image of me. All the while, you keep showing me that I, that we...we are not something to be afraid of. We are divine grace, beautiful works of art, and that greatness lies before our very eyes so long as we are willing acknowledge that which we are, that which we can do.
Funny, it turns out that all I had to do was push.
Reader Comments (45)
Happy birthday to your son - I hope #10 was all the awesomeness that he deserved!
My kid has that refrigerator shirt too. LOVE it. Pure genius.
Happy B-day to him!
Damn girl, you can really write. I had to read it twice. Happy Bithday, may your child continue to encourage you to shove on those walls.....
Oh dude. Please. Tears are a' streaming with this tribute. Holy shit. This is the best of you sister. You are soooooo on your way to the dream.
:-)
xo
Lee
X : http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/2010/03/14/x/
RT @mrlady: X : http://bit.ly/9X9DDg That's seriously great writing.Will you write one for my kid when he turns ten?
RT @mrlady: X : http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/2010/03/14/x/
(Aw, damn. I got something in my eye. Lemmie get that out.)
HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Oh. Amazing. And the absolute truth, isn't it?
Sending a happy birthday wish!
This is beautiful! I wish I could write like this! Happy B-day to your son!
Happy birthday! What a nice tribute. Love the "X".
You suck. Tears at work. Not cool. My son just turned 10 at the end of January, how can I not write such beauty to him?
Hope he has a fabulous birthday, 2 of 3.
An absolutely beautiful post! I love the line:
"You remind me to put my hands on the walls of the boxes I’ve built to shelter myself and shove."
Your words inspire me to keep writing! Thanks for sharing your son's special day with all of us. You are one talented lady;)
Niice.
Good job on the post AND the kid. He's a keeper.
In fact, I am considering smuggling him back into Canada to call my own.
this is the kind of post i want to gather up and tuck in my pocket like a touchstone from the misty shores at the edge of motherhood, life, all that truly matters.
Holy Damn, this is a mighty fine post.
Happy day to your baby.
Can you just ghostwrite my birthday post to Fury? You are just too good at this stuff. Happy double digits, 2 of 3! You rock. There's no other way to put it (aka I'm not creative enough).
Love this post. Happy double digits to your son.
X: http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/2010/03/14/x/
damn mommybloggers, at it again with their crazy love & writing skills RT @mrlady
X: http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/2010/03/14/x/
I missed this yesterday, but the wishes for a happy birthday for txu from me and Z are still being sung loudly.
The post was beautiful. It made me realize there was something in my eye. I think it was a lash, or something.
Happy Birthday!!! Ten years old is an awesome age to be.
Aww this is so sweet! Happy birthday to your son!
this was the best EVER--humbled me, slowed me down, and thank you for being able to put in words, something that can only be felt!
I know I already tweeted this, but it's my kids birthday post. And I'm not above whoring it on Twitter. http://bit.ly/cFMhsF Bygones.
Honey, I'd guess you had one hell of a push. They'll thank you for it someday.
Well, no, they won't. But they might thank you for the cookies.
"You are the anthem of this family."
You are so good at this, I can hardly stand it.
Happy birthday to your son. Greatness indeed.
Hands down the best birthday post ever.
Your crown is in the mail.
Any boy would be proud to have you as his mama. Beautifully written, I'm in awe.
Today was my first visit to your blog... CRYING, CRYING, CRYING! So, so, so beautifully written. I can't wait to read all of your archives!
I stalk your blog for these birthday posts to the people you love. Every single one has made me Ugly Cry (cuz I'm THAT kinda Pisces), but these messages to your kids are so gorgeous and moving that they make my poor dusty childless womb literally ache...
Wow. First, happy birthday to your son. I'm sure that ten years has seemed a blink of the eye. Second, if you don't get a book deal, I have no faith in the publishing industry. Your writing is inspiring, impeccable, uplifting, deep, poignant, and honest. I'm truly in awe of your gift. Pass some on to me.
Oh.... My... Gosh!!!! You write the words and take the breaths I can only yearn to live...
These simple words took my breath and swallowed me whole...
"I watch over you carefully as you become, I wash what it scratched and I mend what is broken the best ways I know how, and I hope that it is enough."
Bless you sweet lady. Seriously.
Admiring from afar... wishing I had the courage to step forward as you so boldly have. I am a mother and every day it leaves me terrified...
*sniff* That was perfect. Happy birthday to both of you!
If you interviewed me the first thing that I would have done is wish him a happy birthday. ;)
I loved this line: I watch over you carefully as you become So much truth in that, just beautiful.
beautiful words to the beautiful boy
Wow.
happy birthday to him!
For a startling moment, I thought that it was really about your refridgerator, and then I was quite confused.
Came over from A Vapid Blonde and just added you to my feed. You're a beautiful writer!
Happy Birthday to your son!
Amazing, what they have to teach us. If only we choose to learn. Happy B-Day boy-o.
Beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful.
I'm late, but: a very, very happy birthday to your son.
really moving. wow.
An absolutely stunning expression of the love for a child. What a lucky one to have you for a mother. You have the gift of word and I wish you the best of luck in your writing (and otherwise) future!
Love this!
Truly inspiring post. You are an amazing writer, woman and mom! Happy Day to your son!