;)
Friday
Apr092010
Ruby Ruby Ruby Soho
Friday, April 9, 2010 at 12:23PM
One of the things no one bothered to tell me when I became a mother is that I wouldn’t be able to drive anymore.
I don’t mean drive, I mean really drive. Before I had children, my goal was to see the whole of America from the windshield of a car. When I first got my license, I’d go to the grocery store at night and dream of getting on I-95 and just going; going deep into the belly of black unknown West and not stopping until the earth below my tires did.
I dreamed of running, of never looking back, of having nothing more in my head than wind and sunshine. I dreamed of going to the places people didn't go and taking pictures of the things people tried to forget. But once you have kids, you don’t get to run anymore. You don't get to find what's been forgotten. Or, more accurately, you stop wanting to.
But before I had kids, even though I never did anything before I had kids....I never had a career and never went to a tropical island and never had a honeymoon and hardly managed to ever have a boyfriend, I got to drive. And that I did. I drove for stupid reasons; because I wanted a cheesesteak real bad, because I thought I could salvage a “relationship” that so belongs in quotation marks, I can’t even tell you, because my friend asked me to drop her off at her dorm in the middle of Nowhere, Idaho, because I wanted to hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing over the thump-thump-thump of The Offspring, because I’d never been to Graceland, because I had to go crabbing in the Chesapeake one last time.
That's everywhere I've been by car. View If By Sedan in a larger map
I quit jobs to drive. I ended relationships to drive. I broke entire cars to drive. I violated so many laws to drive, I...well, I plead the 5th.
And then I had three kids and quit mostly everything for that.
Well, I did attempt a Denver to Durango trip with the boys when they were 2 and 4, and let’s just say that the 5 1/2 hour drive turned into 9 hours, and I turned into a shrew. Shrew would be a very generous word.
Four years ago, I packed an 8 year old, a 6 year old and a one year old into my 1997 Subaru Wagon and we drove the 23 hours from Denver to Vancouver to visit baby daddy for Father’s Day. We are back together now partly because he’s hot but mostly because there was no way in hell I was ever getting back in that car again. I still have nightmares.
And then, a few weeks ago, Chevy invited me and mine to borrow a car and drive to Dallas to visit Great Wolf Lodge. We haven’t seen any of Texas beyond Taco Bell (do you know how hard it is to find a Taco Bell in Canada?) (Do you know how much we’re making up for that fact now?) so we took them up on their offer and went.
Dude. The Road. That sweet call. It’s back.
Maybe it’s back because cars have changed in the past thirteen years and your kids can pretty much forget you exist in the back of one now, or maybe it’s just back because, as these things go, I’m starting to remember who I was before I had kids. Maybe I'm ready to start running into my life, not from it, wherever it is that's going to take me. I think I'm starting to become less Their Mom and more My Own Person again.
This is equally as exciting as it is depressing as all shit.
The whole recap of the GM trip to Great Wolf Lodge is on my Blog De' Revue.
I don’t mean drive, I mean really drive. Before I had children, my goal was to see the whole of America from the windshield of a car. When I first got my license, I’d go to the grocery store at night and dream of getting on I-95 and just going; going deep into the belly of black unknown West and not stopping until the earth below my tires did.
I dreamed of running, of never looking back, of having nothing more in my head than wind and sunshine. I dreamed of going to the places people didn't go and taking pictures of the things people tried to forget. But once you have kids, you don’t get to run anymore. You don't get to find what's been forgotten. Or, more accurately, you stop wanting to.
But before I had kids, even though I never did anything before I had kids....I never had a career and never went to a tropical island and never had a honeymoon and hardly managed to ever have a boyfriend, I got to drive. And that I did. I drove for stupid reasons; because I wanted a cheesesteak real bad, because I thought I could salvage a “relationship” that so belongs in quotation marks, I can’t even tell you, because my friend asked me to drop her off at her dorm in the middle of Nowhere, Idaho, because I wanted to hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing over the thump-thump-thump of The Offspring, because I’d never been to Graceland, because I had to go crabbing in the Chesapeake one last time.
That's everywhere I've been by car. View If By Sedan in a larger map
I quit jobs to drive. I ended relationships to drive. I broke entire cars to drive. I violated so many laws to drive, I...well, I plead the 5th.
And then I had three kids and quit mostly everything for that.
Well, I did attempt a Denver to Durango trip with the boys when they were 2 and 4, and let’s just say that the 5 1/2 hour drive turned into 9 hours, and I turned into a shrew. Shrew would be a very generous word.
Four years ago, I packed an 8 year old, a 6 year old and a one year old into my 1997 Subaru Wagon and we drove the 23 hours from Denver to Vancouver to visit baby daddy for Father’s Day. We are back together now partly because he’s hot but mostly because there was no way in hell I was ever getting back in that car again. I still have nightmares.
And then, a few weeks ago, Chevy invited me and mine to borrow a car and drive to Dallas to visit Great Wolf Lodge. We haven’t seen any of Texas beyond Taco Bell (do you know how hard it is to find a Taco Bell in Canada?) (Do you know how much we’re making up for that fact now?) so we took them up on their offer and went.
Dude. The Road. That sweet call. It’s back.
Maybe it’s back because cars have changed in the past thirteen years and your kids can pretty much forget you exist in the back of one now, or maybe it’s just back because, as these things go, I’m starting to remember who I was before I had kids. Maybe I'm ready to start running into my life, not from it, wherever it is that's going to take me. I think I'm starting to become less Their Mom and more My Own Person again.
This is equally as exciting as it is depressing as all shit.
The whole recap of the GM trip to Great Wolf Lodge is on my Blog De' Revue.
Reader Comments (26)
Sometimes life BK (before kids) seems so, so far away, but mine is only 7. You miss driving, I miss dancing. Staying on the floor for song after song and not thinking of anything but the beat and the bass. Sigh.
I started singing Life is a Highway from the Cars soundtrack. No, having kids has not influenced my life in any way, why do you ask?
This is exactly why my father never let me get my license - he knew I'd drive to buy a steak sandwich. I'd wager that if we had a car, and I had a license, now that I can sign for myself, assuming I had a car to take a road test on...I'd never stay in one spot and Zoë'd log a lot of hours on a portable DVD player. Go figure. Something in common.
However, you've done it a bit. Now that you're
getting oldcoming back into your own, why not indulge the crap out of it?I so want to take a road trip.
Mine was being able to jump in the car at 1am and get Taco Bell whenever the heck I wanted it. Sure I could do it now, but that would mean waking the kids up, dealing with their sorry butts on the way to Taco Bell, trying to get them back to bed and then dealing with their sorry butts again. And somehow Taco Bell at 1am fades into a distant memory :)
Gosh, I don't know how you survived without a Taco Bell just down the street. Are you in love with Sonic (not the hedgehog)yet?
When I was younger, I would get behind the wheel of my '87 Thunderbird and just go. No plan. No direction. My biggest hope was that I would get lost and find some lonely road no one had seen before. (Found my way onto a shotgun toting farmer's land that way, but that's another story.) I named my car The Nude. Just so I could go everywhere in The Nude. I carted my friends around in The Nude. I even went to church in The Nude.
Sadly, I totaled The Nude on December 30th, 1996 and bought a dreaded sedan. Hated it. Hated it. Hated it.
Um... This may have to become a blog post all its own. Wow! Thanks for the inspiration.
This could very well be my post :o) I'm a gypsy at heart, not quite content to stay in one place for long. Luckily my kids love to travel also, it's a win-win situation.
As a teen I had big dreams of traveling for business meetings & staying in the grandest hotels. Then I met a man in uniform, he stole my heart, & put my ovaries into overdrive. 12 years & 4 kids later, we're traveling - where ever the Army sends us. Though it wasn't quite what I had in mind, it's all been worthwhile. I'm enjoying my journey to find myself again, she's just under the surface :o)
Let's rent a Winnebago and GOOOOOOOO.
Ah yes. I miss the days when a Vegas to LC day trip was 3-4 hours each way. It's now been nicknamed the "Trail of Tears" to the Magic Kingdom. I think I need to pitch it as a ride to the Disney folks. SCrew the Tower of Terror. THIS ride will make the bravest scream for their very lives.
We did a Grand Canyon road trip with Dex two years ago, but I get it - one vs. three.
Taco Bell is enough reason to take to the road. Kids, or not. Chili Cheese Burrito FTW!
Dear @momofali, I put a blog post up. Two, in fact. SO THERE. http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/2010/04/09/ruby-ruby-ruby-soho/
I was the same way. I loved driving but then life stepped in, kicked my ass & gave me panic disorder & now I only drive in a limited area. But I still blast the radio when the sun is shining, windows rolled down & drive where I am comfortable! (((HUGS)))
Oh how I miss driving! It's one of the finer things in life my Hubs introduced to me. Sadly, great driving these days means I get to pick the tunes.
Getting older totally sucks.
Off to read your review. We live about 15 minutes down the road from the one you went to, and we've never been.
P.S. have you tried Taco Cabana yet? Eggs Mexicana - the best.
Nice to hear from you. It's been a while. I'm currently laughing my ass off because about 12 years ago, we uprooted our tiny family and moved to the west coast. An area you may be familiar with, lets' call it The Lower Mainland. Being people of gourmet taste we immediately tried to find a Taco Bell (they are on every corner in Alberta). We continued to try for about FIVE YEARS. Until one day when I happened to be in 'the slum' (AKA Surrey Mall) when I saw it. A Taco Bell. I proceeded to spend about 50 bucks on the stuff (as our family had doubled in size by that time) and rushed home fast as I could. It was like a feast. We didn't venture across the river very often but when we moved back to Alberta, the first place we ate? uh, huh. You know it.
Oh the memories this brings back. No kids to keep me from getting in the car and going. Just that whole being a so called "grown up". When I was in college, in a small town far away from everything, it was nothing to load up in my POS (piece o'shit) truck at midnight, with nothing but my suit-case of cassette tapes by my side, and drive to the big city to see my boyfriend. WITHOUT A CELL PHONE! FEARLESS! And maybe a little dumb. Now I can't drive to the Taco Bell without the cell phone. I need to just get out there and drive fearlessly again. Just because I can.
I was just thinking the other day about how I don't drive anymore. I never went anywhere interesting, but I sure went and that was enough. Now, I have to save gas and keep the kids occupied and blerg. Maybe when my kids are a little older.
This is exactly the opposite of my life with kids. Because I was a poor young mother the car was my out. My only way to explore. Road trips long or short were common when my children were small. We had a ford explorer and before seat belt laws, we would put the back seat down and make a pseudo makeshift playpen of sorts the kids would play until they fell asleep and we would see some beautiful sites together.
Stopping momentarily for treats and gas or to stretch our legs on a trail.
Cherished moments
I really know what you are saying about the open road and how freeing it can feel. I love to drive
When I was a kid, going for a Sunday drive in the family Pontiac was big doings. Now, Saturdays are mine and that's what I do... I get out of the house for hours and mostly drive, stopping here and there to take a couple photos, but just driving. If only I still had my Mustang, or a five-speed, or convertible...
I love this idea of running into your life. I read someone else describe it as leaning in to the sharp points. Whether you're talking about the same thing or not doesn't really matter. I'm drawn to the phrasing so there must be something dancing behind those words that keeps my kind of rhythm.
and I love road trips. Right before we went and accidentally got knocked up, my husband and I spent about 4 months or so driving down the entire west coast with no agenda. I look back on that time with such fondness. Like you said, it's good to remember who we were before we had kids. Thanks for the impetus to pull out some old photo albums and journals.
Delurking to say that once upon a time I loved to drive- I was terribly unhappy and I loved the possibility of other places...The thought of just leaving it all behind... I'd get 100 miles away and turn around reluctantly. Damn my sense of obligation!
I'm in a better place now but I have to admit the urge to just GO places is still pretty strong. I'm married to a man who is in love with Idaho. We'll never leave and I don't want to leave without him which is a good thing:)
oh that urge to run, that one that is festering in my brain right now.
Not a days goes by that I don't think about this.
And as hideously (shrewishly?) envious as I am that Chevy came aknockin' at your house with a car and Great Wolf Lodge bennies, in my mind's eye I'm driving all alone.
First off, I need to say that I love, love, love that Rancid song, and am so very happy that it is now lodged in my skull. That's guaranteed to put me in a better mood all day.
Secondly, I totally get the lure of the road, although for me it was never a question of escape as much as a fascination with the unknown -- the idea that there is so much sky and landscape and oddity and wonder just... out there, somewhere, waiting to be discovered, and that all you have to do is get in the car and drive and really: who knows what you'll find, and who you'll become after finding it?
I think half the reason I agreed to move to CA waybackwhen with my then-girlfriend/now-wife was because it provided me with an excuse to finally drive from one side of the country to the other, and to see some of the everything in between.
Anyhow. So glad you're back posting. Sorry I'm late in figuring that out.
Driving with kids is just not the same. I can't imagine the road trip my husband and I took when we moved across the country replicated with kids in tow. Though I do wonder what my eldest would make of carhenge.
I never even got my license until AFTER I had kids. I think I missed out.