Wednesday
Jun162010
Conundrum
Wednesday, June 16, 2010 at 11:47AM | Mr Lady
The whole to be continued thing is going to have to wait, because there are more pressing issues at hand right now, issues like Father's Day, which is right around the corner.
My husband has wanted an iPad since it was nothing more than a twinkle in Steve Job's eye. I honestly don't get why he wants one so badly; for as much of an Apple Completionist* as I am, the iPads just don't do it for me. They're, um, too big? I think that's my problem. They're so big, and don't get me wrong, I really like things that are big but there are just times in life when you don't need it to hit bottom, just bang the shit out of the sides.
And so, I don't really care too much about the iPads. My husband, however, does. A lot. And for as much as I morally and financially object to paying that sum of money for a more vibrant Tap Defense experience, the man doesn't really ask for much and what he does ask for, he just buys himself. And him walking in the door with a brand new iPad would just completely torque me, but I know he will eventually, especially since his beloved Nook just cracked and now he doesn't know how he'll ever read anything ever again.
Someone should really invent a place that houses numerous books on several different subject matters and lets you borrow them on occasion. But I suppose that would just be the gateway to socialism or something.
My point is that I know the iPad is going to show up here eventually, and so it makes sense that I save myself the whole 'flaming angerball' thing, which isn't a good look on anyone, and buy him one for Father's Day. Except he's since informed me that he wants to hold out for the next edition of it, because everyone knows that the first version of anything is far inferior to the subsequent releases.
Which totally explains Passover. Bygones.
So now I have three days to come up with something else to get him for Father's Day, which I already find slightly annoying because aren't every one of our children birthdays Father's and Mother's Days? But I cave every year and get him something because the guy really does work his freaking tail off to keep us in food and clothes and the History Channel and his work schedule is such that he doesn't actually get to be Father a whole hell of a lot, which totally sucks for him, yet he presses on anyway. Because he's a good guy. And he deserves at least a token Hallmark holiday gift for his efforts.
But he has every gadget known to man, and I swear with god as my witness, if one more golf club crosses my doorstep, it's going to end up lodged in someone's hind quarters. I could get him a nice bottle of wine, or a case of his favorite beer, but then I'll have to listen to Cat Stevens on repeat for as long as it takes him to sober up.
I could, in theory, give him the free present that I'm currently sitting on, but that seems a little redundant, and slightly short-sighted. Commemorating something by re-enacting how you got into that mess in the first place? Has some serious back-fire potential. I mean, really. Nothing says, "Congratulations on the anniversary of your college graduation!" like a super awesome thesis writing party and what better way to say, "I'm so happy you were born 37 year ago today!" than covering him in slime and pushing him through tunnels at Chuck E Cheese.
And so I'm probably going to buy him the iPad, which will be super awesome and he'll love it until the next iPad comes out, and then he'll buy that and I'll be stuck for the rest of eternity trying to pry my children apart from each other as they battle to the pain over who gets dad's hand me downs while it ends up being a chew toy for the puppy.
Which would be a vast improvement over her current chew toy, which I am, at present, sitting on. Which, ohmygodsomuchouch.
*Schadenfreudett, that Bud is so totally for you.
My husband has wanted an iPad since it was nothing more than a twinkle in Steve Job's eye. I honestly don't get why he wants one so badly; for as much of an Apple Completionist* as I am, the iPads just don't do it for me. They're, um, too big? I think that's my problem. They're so big, and don't get me wrong, I really like things that are big but there are just times in life when you don't need it to hit bottom, just bang the shit out of the sides.
And so, I don't really care too much about the iPads. My husband, however, does. A lot. And for as much as I morally and financially object to paying that sum of money for a more vibrant Tap Defense experience, the man doesn't really ask for much and what he does ask for, he just buys himself. And him walking in the door with a brand new iPad would just completely torque me, but I know he will eventually, especially since his beloved Nook just cracked and now he doesn't know how he'll ever read anything ever again.
Someone should really invent a place that houses numerous books on several different subject matters and lets you borrow them on occasion. But I suppose that would just be the gateway to socialism or something.
My point is that I know the iPad is going to show up here eventually, and so it makes sense that I save myself the whole 'flaming angerball' thing, which isn't a good look on anyone, and buy him one for Father's Day. Except he's since informed me that he wants to hold out for the next edition of it, because everyone knows that the first version of anything is far inferior to the subsequent releases.
Which totally explains Passover. Bygones.
So now I have three days to come up with something else to get him for Father's Day, which I already find slightly annoying because aren't every one of our children birthdays Father's and Mother's Days? But I cave every year and get him something because the guy really does work his freaking tail off to keep us in food and clothes and the History Channel and his work schedule is such that he doesn't actually get to be Father a whole hell of a lot, which totally sucks for him, yet he presses on anyway. Because he's a good guy. And he deserves at least a token Hallmark holiday gift for his efforts.
But he has every gadget known to man, and I swear with god as my witness, if one more golf club crosses my doorstep, it's going to end up lodged in someone's hind quarters. I could get him a nice bottle of wine, or a case of his favorite beer, but then I'll have to listen to Cat Stevens on repeat for as long as it takes him to sober up.
I could, in theory, give him the free present that I'm currently sitting on, but that seems a little redundant, and slightly short-sighted. Commemorating something by re-enacting how you got into that mess in the first place? Has some serious back-fire potential. I mean, really. Nothing says, "Congratulations on the anniversary of your college graduation!" like a super awesome thesis writing party and what better way to say, "I'm so happy you were born 37 year ago today!" than covering him in slime and pushing him through tunnels at Chuck E Cheese.
And so I'm probably going to buy him the iPad, which will be super awesome and he'll love it until the next iPad comes out, and then he'll buy that and I'll be stuck for the rest of eternity trying to pry my children apart from each other as they battle to the pain over who gets dad's hand me downs while it ends up being a chew toy for the puppy.
Which would be a vast improvement over her current chew toy, which I am, at present, sitting on. Which, ohmygodsomuchouch.
*Schadenfreudett, that Bud is so totally for you.
Reader Comments (45)
DO it. He'll love it. Trust me on this one. Plus? For the next two years when he questions anything expensive you want, you can just point at the iPad and tell him to think before he finishes his thought.
I may be addicted to mine though...so take my advice with a grain of salt.
Are you suggesting, Mr. Lady, that the Tube Sock of Love isn't the best Father's Day Ride ever invented?
I mean, of course you aren't, but - OH GOD OKAY FINE I WILL BUY MY HUSBAND AN IPAD FOR FATHER'S DAY JESUS CHRISTS, TELL STEVE JOBS YOU'RE THE BEST DAMN APPLE-POSTLE EVER YOU WIN.
Sigh.
p.s. Beaut of a post, babe. Please say you'll be nyc-ish in a few weeks. ? I wants to snog you.
I won't be. *ducks* I'm going camping, which is only slightly less dangerous than going to a blogging convention in New York. :)
While I'm sure he will in fact buy that next model, at least you get major wife props for getting him his little toy. I can't help but think about the Modern Family episode where Phil wants the ipad on it's release date and Claire totally flucks it up. love that show.
I have never seen it. I am so ashamed.
I'll remember that next time you fail math. *wink*
I forgot to do my stretches before reading this and I think I pulled my brain doing all those mental leaps. It's a good pain, though.
am sad.
"Just bang the shit out of the sides" is possibly my favorite thing you have written lately.
I have my husband covered for Father's Day, it is my own dad that has me baffled. And an iPad is not the answer there. Sigh.
Guitars. That's our golf club.
In fact, there was one 'incident' that I've sworn to never rehash again, but it involves one specific guitar that Maxim is never, ever allowed to sell or give away (and, truth be known, if he kicks the bucket before me I'm totally using it as his grave marker).
I have ONE guitar and ONE bass. Why does he need so many?
Hmmm. I'm getting my husband the same thing he got me for Mother's day. A lot of nothing. He didn't even buy a card from the kids. He helped our oldest make a cake, that was it. Of course I like cake as much as the next person, but sheesh, go to the dollar store and buy a 50 cent card at least.
The kids have made him cards, so I hope he enjoys them. He really is a great father, but I'm tired of giving all of the time. Hope he likes construction paper & glue.
Wussy.
am also
Disowning your dad ftw!
Mail some to me, please.
I never get anything, but I also, every single year, say, "Oh, I don't want anything! You guys are all I need" and then I don't get perfume or new shoes or anything. Bastards, listening to me and stuff.
Hashish?
Tell him you're pregnant? Wait, that's April Fools.
Um, what about the obvious - a new Nook, to tide him over until the new iPad comes out?
If any of these aren't good enough, the answer is always: Ugly Mug.
The iPad will effectively replaced the Nook, which is great because I want to give my oldest the cracked Nook anyway.
I'm really thinking Ugly Mug is the way to go. It brings me SO MUCH JOY.
i'm holding out for an iphone 4.
wait. i'm not a dad. but it COULD make up for the mother's day present i didn't get.
and no i'm not bitter.
You certainly ran double-duty enough that you should qualify for BOTH. Just my vote.
DUDE. Apple gift card for the sum total of what an iPad would cost. That way, if he goes ahead and gets it now, HIS FAULT. And, if he waits, good on him. Either way, you are the hero who facilitated the purchase of the iPad, but cannot be held responsible for the consequences of said purchase.
OK, so now what should I get my husband? HELP.
NOT A GIFT CARD. :)
Whuuudup, blog post? http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/2010/06/16/conundrum/
Lynn told us that he wants nothing more than a cake/card. Reasoning is that he buys everything that he wants for himself and rarely needs anything. Harley was upset, he wants to go shopping anyway as his Dad never forgets Mom. Mine wants Ipad too. I agreed, but asked that he wait for the 2nd or 3rd version.
I have to decide whether I respect his wishes or not.
Ipads pretty much rock. Im commenting from one now, in fact...
My husband got an iPad for work. Allegedly. It's actually pretty great.
And I'm planning to use your Passover explanation on the next person who asks me to explain all my Jewish stuff. I think that will win me a lot of new friends!
I am trying to make that very same decision. :)
And that was the most grammatically weird comment you've ever left. You totally just made my point for me. :)
Please, do. And record the results.
Yeah, I vote do it. You know he probably wants this version too but is trying to be practical. Your gifting it to him means he doesn't have to be practical. Win-win.
My hubby is getting jeans because he keeps ruining his at work. He's easy this year. I have the same problem as a commenter above and am stumped on my dad. He's not a techy so no IPad for him either.
I should give my hubby the same thing he gave me for Mother's Day which was a filthy house it took me all day to clean.
I say go with the IPad and then hand it down the line. That's what I do here.
I think I want one! I would have to play with it first. He'll love it, first edition or not!
Um?
Blow job?
I could probably buy an iPad or a Nook with the fines I owe to the socialist institution full of books.
And yeah, your Hubs is one cool ass mofo that deserves an iPad or at least the knock-off version known as the iTit. It comes with both a touch-screen and two radial dials (sort of like an etch-a-sketch). Best of all, he'll still qualify as a "completionist."
I bought my wife a Mac last year, and then she wanted an i-phone. But last weekend she settled for a Droid. Now, she loves the Droid, so I am over the i-phone thing.
But since mothers day (and why, she ISNT my mother, not even my kids mother, do men have to get all involved in mothers day since my mom is pushing daisies, but thats another rant) she got a pendant, and for our wedding anniversary, this Saturday, BEFORE dads day, she will get a nice diamond ring, I maybe might get a USED GPS unit. I think she is buying herself a newer one, and she will give me her oldie.
Is that fair?
Hell yes. I pick my battles very carefully, and I make sure I win them. So if I dont pick but one a year, then I will be A OK.
Right?
LOL
I get your dilemma. How about a vat of baconnaise? Amazon ready to ship and is not actually made with bacon. Who does't need baconnaise? Nobody-it is the pefect gift. My work is done.
My husband was all about waiting for the next incarnation as well, until he got a few extra bucks in his pocket, then all bets were off. I also get the benefit of pointing out his folly when he squeaks about me spending money.
I'm going to get The Cuban a framed picture of us. It's the only picture we've taken together that I have from a wedding we attended last month. He isn't an Apple fanatic like some of us and he's also not the father of *my* children, but he is a dad and I wanted to be nice. If you want, I'll give you one, too. It's not the iPad or anything and it's weird that I offered, but seriously, Walgreen's made two copies of the picture and I'm all "Whaaa...? Dangit. Now I have two!" and also I may have had some red wine tonight to offer you something that lame.
Buy him the iPad, and a promissory note for the next version. I'm picking up on your Passover reference here. If Moses can have two tablets, why can't the man who puts matzoh on your table.
We bought him two pairs of shorts and I'm baking him a cake later. He needed new shorts, so he shouldn't complain and I spent like nothing.
"as they battle to the pain" To the pain? Clear Princess Bride reference.. which stuck out to me and now I have forgotten the rest of the post.. It's like ooh something shiny!
Regardless, thanks for making me want to go cue up PB on netflix and also for reminding me that Doy, I've gotta come up with a present too.. ugh.
This is all I have to say: http://iamhilarious.com/i-wish/
I just don't get the ipad thing. It's not a full computer, it's not an iphone....yeah, I don't get it.
For the love of God, don't give it to the dog! I'll take his handmedowns happily. I'm with him, ipads are really cool.
Just when I thought Chuck E. Cheese couldn't get any more terrifying...
Thanks for coming through on that.
*shuddering uncontrollably*