My kids and I were up by 5. No, that's not entirely true. B, my little insomniac, was up by 3:45 and L and I were up by 5. T wandered his tired little butt up by 6. I lovelovelove the sight of my kids early in the morning. Not that I get to see it much. You see, we are sleepers. All of us. We don't so much sleep at night, but what we miss out on we more than make up for between the hours of 4-7. You could plop 15 Morris Chestnut
s on my lap with a bottle of whiskey in each of their hands and I'd keep right on dreaming of pineapples. You know those people who are up and showered and kids fed and out the door by 7? Yeah, we're not those people. 8:45 is still a really early school-start time for us.
So, my kids and I all wandered upstairs well before there was sun today. And the sight of them, all chinkie-eyed, was just too much to bear. Oh, shit, that was supposed to be in a thought bubble. Do you have any of those grossly inappropriate things that just fly out of your mouths sometimes? Cause I sure do. Chinkie-eyed is most certainly one of them. I just can't find a better word for the squinty little hazed look they have in their jammies in the morning. I guess I don't really have any others. Well, I say fuck a lot, but so do you. Admit it, you do. I grew up way too only-white-girl-in-a-gun-toting-ghetto to ever, ever think that the N-word is funny, even as a joke, even off-the-cuff, ever. Nobody best be saying that shit near me. I'll whack ya. But the chinkie-eyed thing, well, I just can't quit it.
Anyway, we were up, watching the snow fall. Another wet, thick, heavy cold snow has plopped down on our fair city today. It is sweet snowman snow. Too bad we'll all be way too busy slaving away at our school's Halloween Carnival to make any.
Have I ever told you that I have never once made a snowman in my whole life? Nope, never once. It's on my list of things to do before someone kills me.
I also can't do a cartwheel. Bygones.
Halloween Carnival. We have this mom at our school who is really good at signing up for events and then totally in every way failing to fulfill her commitments. She has somehow managed, year after year, to find, at the very last minute, a handful of people to pick up her slack quietly and behind the scenes so she can take all the credit for everything she failed so miserably to do.
People keep putting her in charge of shit.
She is in charge of food tonight. 3 weeks ago, when she still hadn't done thing ONE, I started in on it. Cause, after all, the shit's gotsa get done and if she's not gonna do it, I damn well will. She knew I was doing it and has thusfar been all with the "could you also"'s and "would you mind doing"'s. Well, last night, like 20 hours before the doors open for this shin-dig, I call her to find out what the hell she is doing tomorrow so we can be on the same page. And I'll be a greased Jesus if she didn't seriously yell at me for doing her thing. She yelled at me for organizing stuff for her. How dare I take care of ordering the food so it will all be there and on time? How dare I try to make some new signage so people will now how many tickets a candy apple costs? Can you imagine the gall I must have to try to help out with a PTA fundraiser? It's not like I've ever done anything for the PTA before. It's not like I don't have 7,364 other things I could be doing.
I know. I am a horrible, awful, no good person.
Well, honestly, I kind of am.
I stopped what I was doing right then and there, let her state her peace, hung up the phone, hit delete on my little "food file" and am going to giggle like a school girl in love as she fucks this whole thing up tonight. Because why, you ask? Because I am a mean, nasty, passive-aggressive scanky bitch-whore, that's why. I have a LOT of frustration just a'waiting to be vented on someone, and she stepped right up to the plate. Dumbass.
Oh, I didn't mention that I am also the volunteer coordinator for the event tonight, and after a phone call from the haunted house committee this morning very nicely asking if they could steal some of my volunteers, I pull half of hers from the food booths to help them out. I like nice people.
Doesn't make me one of them, though.