Be warned...

Now that it's all over, and I actually pulled it off, I feel like it's safe to tell you that I signed up for this craziness in November:This is actually my 46th post in December, and I bet my drunk ass will have one more coming tonight. My drunk head. If I manage to get my ass drunk, I think I'll have a bit of soul-searching to do.

And now that I have gone since October 28th with at least one post a day (it's quantity, not so much quality, they're going for) I can also tell you that I signed up for even more fabulous fun.As much as I'd love to say all 365 glorious, witty, and mildly questionable posts will show up here, I imagine that at some point in the near future I will get a job have a torrid love affair join a playgroup take up drinking get a freaking life already. My hope is to post one picture every day of my sweet, lovely, clean, pleasant children* on My Own Private Idaho.

I hope that explains why you have been forced to listen to such an astonishing amount of pure dribble from me, or at least warns you to delete me from your readers before tomorrow, when I'm going to hit it. Hard.

*If you're buying that, I have some beach-front property in Denver I'm looking to unload, too.

Craigslist - Crazy goodness

After calling every kid in the neighborhood over the age of 12 to babysit, and getting shot down repeatedly, I did the thing I never thought I'd do....I went hunting for teenaged girls on the internet. My husband was flat out afraid of the whole situation. He wanted to interview someone and have her over for dinner first and get a list of references and perhaps know her blood type first.

I reminded him that if I can manage to not drown these kids, anyone can do it.

I got a lot of replies to my ad. Some were definite no's. Anyone who uses texting type in an email automatically gets bumped. Anyone who types in ALL CAPS gets bumped, too. If you are 52 years old, I'm just not going to hire you to babysit. Nanny, maybe. Babysit on the fly, no way. I've seen the Cat in the Hat. I know about these things.

For someone who was desperate, I sure do have a lot of conditions.

Anyway, it just so happened to work out that a 13 year old responded to the ad, who just so happens to live on the same street as me, who just so happens to have a little sister who goes to school with my kids.


She rocked, and wasn't nervous, and was CPR and sitter certified, which makes her more qualified to be alone with these kids than I am, and the kids were great to her, and I left her out some cream puffs, and she is now my Regular Sitter.


We went out with a lady that works for Josh and her husband and their 4 friends. Of course, we went to the restaurant they work at for dinner, which was crazy fancy fun for me and another night at work for him. Still, they make excellent martinis, so it all worked out fine and I may have ever-so-subtly propositioned the man sitting next to me at the table. Vodka is my baby-making drink. Bygones.

And hey! Thanks to you all for offering to sit for me. I have saved, tagged and starred every one of those comments and you can rest assured that I WILL call on you someday. Get those passports ready. I am SICK of these kids.

Rate the Hate Version Last Minute

See, I skip one little week and I totally forget the one structured thing on this blog. Bad, naughty, evil blogger.

So, yes, Santa loves me and brought me every stinking thing on my list. I wrote a long list because I usually write short lists (cheap) and Santa is left to his own powers of deduction to figure out gifts for me, which usually end up being too-small sweaters. Santa thinks I am much hotter than I actually am. This year, I figured I would help Santa out by giving him lots of options. Some of them were quite expensive options. I really crossed my fingers and hoped for one of those items to show up under my tree with all my new titty-shirts. They all did. Except the vacuum. Santa has issues with giving vacuums, and I really can't blame him.

I'm going somewhere with this, really. One of those items was this, the Cuisinart Grill thingy they came out with not too long ago. I saw it on t.v. and had to spend a few minutes "alone". Seriously, sha-wing. It is my new boyfriend and we totally messed around the other night.Those are ham and cheese paninis. Leftover Christmas ham may just be the greatest food in the universe. Ham and cheese paninis are in no way remarkable, but here's where it gets good.

2of3 hates ham. I may disown him over this, but it is true. I hate bacon, so I can't judge too harshly. Ham and cheese paninis do not work for him, so I came up with a fast alternative. The paninis are just ham, sharp white cheddar, deli mustard and mayo on ciabatta. The sandwich next to that, though, is all the same minus the ham and plus a sliced apple.

That's right; a Braeburn apple.

Seriously? This sandwich is so good I could DIE. So, ciabatta bread, good mustard, mayo, white cheddar (not the sliced crap, get the good deli stuff), sliced crisp apples; throw it all on a panini press. If you don't have one, well, if you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up. They rock so bad it hurts.

Sorry, Ron

I am screwing with the blog again. This time, however, I brought in the big guns. I hired a professional. A hot professional. More on that, and her, later.

In the meantime, I have to figure out how I want this thing to feel. I most definitely want to add a FAQ section, in the interest of cleaning up some clutter. The problem is that, aside from some incomprehensible Tron conversations and a rather embarrassing round of emails that included fetishes, handcuffs and vertically challenged Americans, no one has really ever asked me a question. Like, ever.

This is where you come in, dear readers. I want an FAQ, I need and FAQ. So here's the deal. You get to ask me any questions you want. Any. I don't really have personal boundaries, per se, so ask away. I will do my best to dance around a straightforward answer as humanly possible. The most inappropriate frequently asked ones will get slapped in my fancy new Frequently Asked Vaguely Answered Questions section.

Sounds totally awesome, doesn't it? Get crackin', kids.