T Minus 5 and Counting

In 5 short posts, including this one, I will hit one thousand. Posts. No wonder my back hurts all the time. Now, I'd love to say, "Hey, this blog always kicked ass and you should read it all!" but really, I tried to read my archives once, and I've never had such a fulfilling nap in my whole life. Seriously, ZZZZZZzzzzzzz.

But I didn't suck all the time. There are gems. So guess what I'm doing for my last 5 posts of this thousand? I'm actually reading my pathetic archives and pulling the good ones out for you. Because I'm bored I hate laundry I want a divorce I care about you and want to make your life easier. Each day I'm going to sift through 200 posts and pick out my favorites. And now, without further ado, the highlights of posts 0-200.

Yes, these are the WHOLE posts. I didn't get all chatty until, like, year three.

M is for Mommy
My 4 year old is having trouble identifying lower case letters, so we have been drilling at home. We got down to the letter m. After 2 days of “What does moon start with?” or “what does mouse start with?”, he finally got it. He can recognize M. Here’s how it played out….

“2of3, what does mouse start with?”

“M! Mom, what does angry mob start with?”

If I could be a llama rider…I’d get spit on. A lot. (This one's a little long for the ol' cut & paste. That's the gist, though.)

Just Checking
Do you know where your towel is?

Really, go check. You need to know.

Dear Mr Michael Jackson
You can now go back on everyone's overnight babysitter list.

No hard feelings, but I've taken you off mine.

No one doubts that you are probably the best, most musically gifted gifted person alive today, but let me lend you some advice. Remember J.D. Salinger, Bobby Fischer, and Hunter S. Thompson? They, like you, are unsurpassed in their fields. They are gods among us. And they did us all the small favour of removing themselves quietly and without much ado from our society, knowing they just couldn't fit in anymore. They spared us their crazy antics, and left us to remember only their sheer brilliance.

Please follow their example and do the same.

Competitive much?
My 1of3, so wise, after only 7 years…

“1st place is the hardest to win. Every other place is the easiest; you just have to fail.”

Some Things Money Just Can't Buy
bottle of Robitussin…$7.99
roll of duct tape…$1.99
really loud Megadeath CD…$2.99 (used)

Never having to hear “Are we there yet”…Priceless.

Day one

Just 6 days ago, I celebrated my third Blogoversary. I really meant to mention it, but I was a bit busy getting, oh, 1/3 of my house back. I guess I'm supposed to type a 100 things about me post, but really? 100? I tried that once and by the time I got to 33, I was talking about the direction my chin hair grows in. I'm just going to do you a favor and spare you all that.

I did, however, go back and read my very first post. Let me tell you, it's profound. Earth shattering. It's amazing that I didn't get picked up by some company looking for the World's Best Blogger right then and there. Wanna read it? Brace yourselves....

Well, this is my first official post.
Not much to say right now.
So hi, and see you soon!

Please, hold your applause. I'll be signing autographs at the end of the show.

Sometimes, when I find a blog that I particularly like, I go snooping. I don't read all the archives; I have been trying to read my OWN archives for a year straight now and haven't done it. Maybe I just bore myself. Bygones. I like to read the first posts people have written, however many years ago. Because I have nothing BETTER to do, that's why.

Anyway, in honor of my Happy 3rd, I thought I'd share some of my favorite first posts I had stumbled on. Some that are one bazillion times better than I could have ever pulled off.
  • Suburban Kamikaze. I do not talk about her enough over here. She is, hands down, the funniest mom blogger I have EVER read. Here's her very first post. It's the perfect demonstration of her, her writing, her family.
  • David. Zombyboy. My one true love. This shit makes my heart sing. I am fully aware that this is probably NOT David's first post, but it is the first one I could find aside from this page that I can't get a good link to, and it was exactly everything I'd hoped it would be.)
  • I was trying to pick a little quip out of Anne Nahm's first post for you to read, but my little quip turned into a rather large paragraph and so I flipped a coin. A heavily weighted coin. I "randomly" chose this:
    Fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuckit. And poop-damn-fart. There. The gentle vibration you feel in your seat is my grandfather rolling in his grave.
    Anne, dude, don't you EVER change.
  • The last one I'm going to link you to is actually the catalyst for this whole post. Sometimes people start blogging with introductions, like I did. Sometimes, people swear. Sometimes, people just start talking. Kelly just started talking. Like we were all standing around the water cooler. The day I read this post was the day I got hooked into her blog. She could draw scribbles in Microsoft Paint every day if she wanted on her blog, and I would keep coming back, looking for another one of these:
    I never go anywhere without my cell phone. At work, the gym, the shower, the
    phone is always at my side. I'm waiting on a call. Not just any call. The call
    that will change everything. The call from our birthmother telling us that a son
    has been born.
    How's that for a first line? The whole post just gets better and better. I encourage you to go read it. It's beautiful.

If you all really have to have the 100 things posts, you are more than welcome to write 100 things about me and I will smack it straight in the sidebar. Just sayin'. ;)

Oh, I'm still looking for a Valentine, in case you're interested......