Weekly Last Place All Star Team Winners

Last weekend, summer came to Vancouver. I mean that quite literally; summer lasted all of 3 days, and then took a jump straight into fall. I will seriously freak out if I talk about that anymore, so let's move on, shall we?

Last weekend, we had 30 degree C temps (double it, add 30 Americans) and my 2nd born had his All Star Championship games. We sat in the roasting sun for 3 days straight, with the highest UV index Vancouver has seen in a long time, we burned through 50 SPF sunscreen, we melted like we'd just high-jacked the Lost Ark, and my kid lost. Miserably.

Wanna know why I love this kid so much, and his whole team for that matter? They could not have cared less. They had a freaking blast. They were the underdogs, by a lot, and they improved every stinking game they played. They never got down, they always were smiling, and they just played ball. It was a beautiful thing to behold.

And here's the pictorial evidence:

He swung and swung and swung, with no luck, until...

Day two. Base hit. And they just kept coming after that.

Yeah, he's so cute I could die.

Um, the sun was in his face? He was tired? Or maybe he's just a goofball.

The rest of us had loads of fun, too. We ate the most hideous barbecue ever awesome ballpark fare, drank delicious, sugar free, low calorie healthy drinks,

Hung out on the playground,

I stared at my insanely hot husband...

And we were even graced with the presence of a local hostage-taking terrorist and her delicious children. We escaped to their house for lunch one day, where The Princess and 3of3 refined their Mad Heathers Skilz.

If I showed you The Princess's face, I'd have to kill you. Just sayin'.

And when the whole thing was over, we returned to the park for Closing Ceremonies.

After that, we stayed for the final championship game, to decide 1st and 2nd place, and I have to tell you; if you've never sat through an 8-9 year old championship baseball game, you're missing out. Professional Baseball ain't got nothin' on these kids. I think I held my breath for 99.63% of the game, and I don't much like baseball.

And then we hit the beach, right on the Canadian border, which is very pretty, if not the slightest bit full of sawdust. Don't ask; I couldn't explain it if I wanted to.

We chose beautiful rocks,

And then lobbed them at the ocean like it had just said Jehovah or something.

We found some freaking stoner (pun soooo intended), who had apparently spent all day stacking rocks on top of each other. And thanks to him, I know have a house full of rocks and two boys with an amazingly inexpensive new hobby.

We smell worse than we look.

And then we headed home, drowned ourselves in aloe, and slept like the evil undead.

And you can visit all of Lotus' other Weekly Winners here. But I'd start here. Because she can take a picture of Cheeze-It's that it so beautiful, it almost makes me believe in god again.

My Triumphant Return to Thursday Thirteen (or something like that)

My husband accidentally took a week long vacation last week.

He had just pulled a marathon of sorts; 14 days straight, no break. His days are not your typical work days; he works a minimum of 10 hours a day, averages 12, once a week pulls a 14-hour-er. He gets 6 days off a month. We NEVER see him.

Since he worked a months' worth of hours in two weeks, he took a few days off. And then we celebrated Canada Day. The day before Canada Day, he only had to go in for 5 hours. Voila! One whole week off.

I can't remember the last time he had a whole week off. I was, honestly, afraid I might be forced to ram the heel of a green glitter plastic Princess high heel into his temple by the end of the week. We just never spend that much one-on-one time, you know?

I am happy to report, all the dress-up shoes are intact, and aside from a few muscles being sore due to overuse (you go right ahead and run with that one) no one is worse for the wear. In fact, I find myself wishing he had a normal-ish schedule. He left for work yesterday, and I missed him. Weird, I know.

There is a point, I promise. We did a lot of stuff over that week. I took a butt-load of pictures, and I have no clue where to start in showing them all to you. I am way behind in the internet loop, I haven't had to cook dinner once for 7 days straight, and I feel the pressing need to keep the laundry up to date all of a sudden. Pictures, for once in my life, are a the bottom of my priority list.

(I am pretty sure I was stolen and replaced with an exact replica. A pretty decently laid replica. Just sayin'.)

Anyhoo, I think I'll ease into some highlights of the past few weeks with these lovely shots of my pretend celebrity girlfriend, who I got to spend a ragin' day with a few weeks ago. Remember how the Dragonboat races came to Vancouver a few weeks back? Yeah, we spent the whole day downtown, crutches be damned.

Dragonboat Races
I'm cute. I'm almost a teen. I'm obnoxious.

We wandered around, ate some corn on the cob, watched a few races, had our picture taken with pop culture icons.

Almost creepy.
No, it's not lost and no, we can't keep it.

We got facepaints, because facepaints are the coolest.

TattoosYeah, that\'s them in a nutshell.
If that isn't the definitive picture of my sons, I don't know what is.

And right there next to the facepaint tent, lo and behold, one of the Dragonboat teams. But not just any old team.

LA Dragons
They were the only American team to make the top 8.

Recognize anyone? Look closely. Oh, it also helps if you occasionally read this guy's blog. Right there, 2nd row, 3rd in from the right, that would be Auntie Mei. As in, Fury's Auntie Mei, of BusyDad fame. Who is awesome. We stalked her up propa, shook hands, nibbled on my adorable baby, and then let her get back to racing.

Then we let the 2 little ones play on the playground, while 1of3 refined his mad Emo Teenager skilz.

Broken Feet can suck it.
I love this picture. Yes, I delight in my children's misery.

We hung out until that poor boy's foot couldn't take it anymore, and then headed home. Before we did, we thought it would be a good idea to take advantage of the amazing culinary delights from around the world that Vancouver is so infamous for offering.

A man of the WorldAt least I gave him milk.
Discriminating tastes, that's us.

And then we hoped on the SkyTrain and headed home, where my daughter who had been a perfect f'ing angel al day decided that right then was a fine time to exfoliate her sun-drentched skin with Blue Rasberry Bonnie Bell lipgloss. I didn't even know she was doing it until I noticed a woman a few seats down staring at her, gaging a little.

Like a spa treatment, only less awesome.
It was way more horrifying than it looks.

Then i was forced to take the obligatory self-portrait, since Mr Rude Cactus is always telling me I'm not narcissistic enough, so here is it, brother.

I smelled really bad right about then.
This really terrible Bud's for you.

Are you still here? Yeah, I barely am, too. Anyway, next day, downtown, coffeeshop, me and Auntie Mei and 3of3. We met, we wooed, we made exchange of cheesy camera phone pictures.

Future Auntie-In-Law-MeiGoofey, pho sho.Yeah, it\'s cute.  I\'ll admit it.

And that was it. We said goodbye, she hopped on a plane home, and I am happy to have made a new friend. We had a great time, for sure. Which was good, because right after this, Hell Week Little League Championship Week started.

But that's a whole other story....

See the other Thursday Thirteen's here.

God, I Hope This Leads to Some Bikini Mud Wrestling

Free stuff time, boys and girls. I know it's not as cool as Joeprah's Camera giveaway or anything, but school supplies are important, too. For a refresher; EZ School Supplies has given me a pack of supplies to give away, and is also offering 10% off school supplies for the upcoming school year ordered through this site.

I know I said I was going to have a popular vote for the winner, but I lied. There are 41 entries, and I am a lazy summbitch. So, I ran the numbers through a randomizer and voila! Out popped the number 18.
This one isn’t funny. I had a BIG fight with some stay-at-home mom’s I was jogging with (I was working part-time then, just as a reference point) and they were saying horrible things about the moms that worked and didn’t help volunteer.

(I was a meager volunteer myself, by their standards and probably was getting defensive, to be honest.)

But I was defending the working moms against these privileged PTA Nazis, saying that some people CAN’T ask off an afternoon for a party, or they’re single moms, too tired at night, or….then I said to one girl whose hubs is a big time lawyer here, “Hey, why doesn’t Mark take off an afternoon to volunteer?”

She says, without irony, “Oh, he couldn’t do that!”

My blood pressure was probably almost deadly after that…

Funny thing was, that was one of my favorites.  But, and of course there is a but, that was actually my second favorite entry. My first favorite was this:
I like the look of that bottle of prozac on the side of your blog. Will you send me that as well if I tell you about the P&C president who slept her way to the top?
No, it wasn’t me.

True story. In the end the school mothers discovered that she had slept with all of the school fathers and ran her out of town. I LOVE living in the boonies of Australia.

That one I actually told to my husband. And eerily enough, when I hit the Again! button on the randomizer (because you know I sat here for a full 20 minutes just refreshing and refreshing. Also, I am easily distracted by shiny things) the very second number it kicked out was #1. Which is the number of that comment.

And while we're at it, here's my third favorite:
OK. You ready. Sure?
Mothers Day stall. I was vice president of the PTA only because no one wanted the bitch with her head so far up the principals arse any where NEAR some sort of ‘position of authority’.

Some bint decides she is gunna make stuff for the stall. I tell her that some of her costs can be reimbursed but she has to call Bitch From Hell to find out. Bint doesn’t call BFH and hands me a BILL for a HUNDRED FREAKING DOLLARS! I take it to BFH going WTF? And she pays it.

Oh, OK then. THEN I get called to the principals office to explain why *I* have cost the school so much money. Um, huh? Turns out BFH told the school board that I was going around spending all the PTA money. Oh yes she fucking did! AUTHORITIES were called in. I had to explain while BFH stood smugly. Long story short, PTA was disbanded, blamed on me and now BFH does ALL the fund-raising etc on her own. Just like she wanted…

Apparently, I just need to move to Australia where all the cool shit happens.

As much as I am dying to have MomoFali's address, I'm going to cap this sucker at three. I am now, officially, leaving it up to you. Vote for your favorite, and 24 hours from now, the winner will be announced. All variations of lying, cheating, stealing and other assorted acts of incredulous behavior will be allowed, perhaps encouraged.


Today, June 20th, summer comes to the Western Hemisphere. Hallafreakinglujah. Mr Lady don't like her some winter, just sayin'. Vancouver even seems to have played along today (read: We turned the heat off for the third time this year and no one's wearing a hoodie. ON THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER)

To ring in the new season, a few bloggers, including Vancouver's one and only Colleen Coplick (from B5 Media and well, a lot of other places*) are participating in The Great Blog Off, a 24 hour blog-a-thon to raise money for charity. Colleen was exactly drunk enough when I told her I'd help her out to actually allow me to taint her blog with my Tales of Poop. And she was exactly mean enough to post what I wrote. At one in the morning. All hopped up on tea and red wine. And feeling slightly randy. Bygones.

Go check out some of the other great bloggers playing today. It's for charity, yo.

I was one click away from enlisting to post 24 times today, when common sense got the better of me. Or I needed a smoke. Either way. Instead, I celebrated my narrowly-acquired freedom by dragging the toddler and the 8 year old downtown on a school day. There was sunshine, there was Science World and there was a little sumpin' sumpin' I like to call "The Great American Sneak Peek." Looky looky...

Tell me that's not a great camera phone picture. I dare you to.

Guess who's coming to Vancouver? The Dragon Boat Races. Hellz to the yeahz.

Did I ever tell you that the one thing I wish I could do fabulously, the one sport I've ever wanted to play, was rowing? Me and rowing? Like Kathy and Regis. This weekend, the kids and I will join the throngs of Vancouverites coming to check out the races, but today, we got to TOUCH a boat.

We got to watch trial runs. We got to meet a few of the Vancouver Team members. Why?

Right place, right time. Also, 2nd grade ditch day. Word to your mother.

PS: A few mommas from around the way are having a BlogBlast For Education today. Well worth the read. I, however, was waiting for a little present for y'all to arrive before I posted, and it just now arrived as I typed this post, but rest assured, I'm back on my PTA thumpin' high horse come Monday morn.

And it wasn't this present, but you're welcome anyway.
*When you heard of Rogue Magazine, and trust me, you will hear of Rogue Magazine, you need to get on that shit.