Just another Memey Wednesday?

It's been a busy week here at Chez Mr Lady, what with 13 hours of birthday parties crammed into a 72 hour period. Which doesn't actually sound like a lot, but throw a toddler into that equation? Yikes. I missed a few days of posting, so I guess it's official. Blog 365 has given me back my toothbrush and my tampons, and we are SO over.

Marge's meme challenge for this week was too good to pass up, however. I was going to wait until next Monday to post it in keeping with my little theme, but if this chic has taught me anything, it's to do what I want.
TOPIC: Product Testimonials - In each of the following places, what is your most-beloved item or product? Why should I have one too?

  • Kitchen

  • Bathroom

  • Bedroom

  • Laundry Room

  • Car

  • Desk/Office

  • Garage / Yard

Nobody really likes infomercials, do they? But when a good friends tells you about a product that has changed their life, you think twice.

Kitchen: Baking Soda. We all know it takes the stank outta yo fridge, but did you know that if you accidentally hit 23:50 instead of 2:35 on the microwave when you're trying to make popcorn, that all you have to do it put a little dish of Baking Soda in there after you have put out the flames, sent the firemen home and scraped the remnants of something that was once edible out of the magic box, and the smell will go away? It takes a few days, but shit works, yo. Also, if you decide at 1:28 am that you really want mac and cheese, and then at 5:41 remember that you put some noodles on to boil, that all you have to do is make a paste of Baking Soda and water, smear it all over the burnt pan bottom, and those black crusties will more or less wipe out the next day? Did you also know my house is a walking fire hazard? Now you do. That same paste will take the yuckiest stains off a stove top, or the tile on the floor, or wherever.

Bathroom: Lysol Power Toilet Bowl Cleaner. Why? Not because it's green or safe or non-toxic or anything; I just love the smell of it. Like, LOVE the smell of it. Like, if they made air fresheners in Lysol Power Toilet Bowl Cleaner fragrance, I'd buy them all.

Bedroom/Desk/Office: These are my daughter's favorite places to make her art. Her mediums? Ballpoint Ink and Sharpie. My secret weapon? Fucking Aquanet. Aquanet will take any ink-based stain out of anything. ANYTHING. You wash her favorite dress, dry it, and then realize she's drawn a heart and the word FART on the skirt? Wet it, Aquanet it, wash it. NO MORE INK. You find that she's written her ABC's all over the wall with your super permanent Sharpie? Aquanet and a scrubbie. GONE. I find that the cheaper the hairspray, the better it works. You want one, like Aquanet, with a really high alcohol content, high enough that you'd consider drinking it if you were hard-up enough. Honorable mention: Pledge. Because it smells like my house in the 70's with wood paneling on the walls. That's all.

Laundry Room: Vinegar. Actually, I could put vinegar under each of these categories. I clean everything with vinegar. It deodorizes, it sanitizes, it KILLS MOLD. And it brightens your laundry. And it keeps blacks black, which is very very important to Little Ms. Emo Robert Smith Wannabe over here. I put a huge chug of vinegar in every load of laundry that I wash, and if I skip it, I can totally tell afterwards. Otherwise, I totally, whole-heartedly swear by Tide and Downy. Accept no substitutes.

Car: That's just funny. The only thing that could have saved my car would having been the black market. I hear children fetch a good price these days. The best thing I have found for the car is a good Detailer. Other than that, the car version of Febreeze is actually very nice and does not make the knives go through my sinuses the way indoor Febreeze does. I have weird allergies.

Garage: Coke. A can of coke. Scrub scrub scrub. Works every time. Why am I still drinking that stuff?

Yard: The wind has always cleaned my yard more effectively and thoroughly that I ever could.

I think that's it. I should also mention that I cannot and will not do without the following: Mr Clean Magic Erasers, Clorox Bleach pens, WD-40, an iron and Dawn. Any grease-based stain in the world (oil, candle, whatever) can be removed from anything with WD-40, an iron and Dawn. Just sayin'.

(I realized right after I typed this and hit publish that Marge didn't actually ask for cleaning tips, per se, just favorite gadgets. But, see, when I read it I was all, "OOOoooo, a whole post about my favorite cleaning products? REALLY? Eeeek!" Because I get all hot under the collar for cleaning products. Seriously. I'm kind of obsessed. Now you all think I'm totally hot, don't you?)

Four days late is still better than he did 8 years ago.

It is true, I am the shittiest mother alive.

Here I am, now FOUR DAYS PAST my kids birthday, and I haven't even bothered to write him a post. I can write my ex boyfriend a post on his birthday right on time, but the poor middle child? Way to perpetuate the stereo-type he so lives by in the first place.

Don't worry about him, though. In a week, I'll edit out that top part, change the time stamp, and in 20 years he'll be none the wiser.


My dear baby boy, my TXU, happy 8th birthday. Today we realized that you are now the magic age that allows you to go down the waterslide at the pool all by yourself. This may the single greatest thing that has ever happened to you in your life so far. Well, that and Blizzards. Bygones.

I have written about you, for good or evil, in every conceivable light on this here bloggety blog. The truth is, though, that there is no way to put you into print. You are flickers of your past and glimpses of your future. You are forever changing and shifting and moving. You are a prism that came through me to light our world. In you, I am reminded and motivated at the same time. I knew you the day I met you, the second I met you, the way you know someone for a life time. You were no accident, you, being mine. As much as I don't believe in any of that stuff, you were meant to be, not just a kid, but my kid in my life at this exact time.

You remind me that I must have done something right along the way, because seriously? You are a gift, a present, a reward.

I thought that I would take a walk down amnesia lane and go over some of my favorite things you have ever said to me.

BFF means Best Friends Forever

A long time ago, I met a girl named Molly.

We were gangly with the bad hair and the budding taste in music and the angsty poetry when we met. We dug each other; not overly, but just enough. Occasionally, I would glance over at her from across the classroom/cafeteria/friends basement, and I would see something. I never really knew what it was, but it was something and it was there.

One day, I figured out what it was. I was seeing forever.

Is that not the cheesiest thing you have ever heard? It's totally true, yo.

Molly and I eased quietly, cautiously, almost unknowingly into an epic love story that will go on for ages after us. More than my parents, more than any man I have ever loved, I need her. I love her the way I love my kids; unconditionally, painfully, brutally, eternally.

She is everything I wish I could be. She is brave, she is fearless. She is powerful and brilliant and wise. She is kind and compassionate and understanding and patient. She is up front, in your face, no nonsense. She is amazing in every single way.

I honestly, I kid you not, cannot believe that she is still my friend, my best friend, my one sure bet for the rest of my life. I couldn't tell you why she has stuck with me all these years, but by god, she has been right by my side through thick and thin. She watches me make the same mistakes over and over again, and she holds my hand as I stumble so the fall won't quite so bad and then she helps me to my feet again and again.
And then she hands me a smoke and a shot.

She's just that kind of girl.

She gets me the way almost no one gets me, and I'd bet she knows what my next move is even before I do. She is fiercely loyal to all of those lucky enough to be called her friend, and the beauty of her is that all of us, her circle, are all such amazingly different people and we are all drawn to her for a different reason and she is a different thing to each of us.

To me, she is calm and quiet and giggles and sleepovers and hangovers. She is, quite possibly, the only person alive today who has met the real me, the total me, the unguarded, honest, raw me. And she hasn't run just yet.

Anyway, my point here is that today your birthday, Molly, and once again I managed to not be there to celebrate with you. If I was there, I would most likely dump some Jameson down your throat and then make you listen to Radiohead until you cried. But I'm not there, so this will have to do. I love you, baby, I love you so much it really truly hurts. You make me the luckiest girl alive. You inspire me and move me every day of my life. You are the radest person I have ever known, and I can't wait to be little old ladies in rocking chairs slamming Hot Toddies with you.

It's gonna be epic.

Maybe I Am Trying to Rub It In A Bit...

I just wanted to throw this out there, while I'm waiting for the Big Birthday Extravaganza and the Learning of How to use The Donor's camera to all happen....

If you happen to find yourself in Vancouver, and you happen to find yourself with an extra latte and a few hours to kill, I would highly recommend you call this chick and go sit in a mall play pit with her.

'Cause she's total rad. To the max.

Me & lattemommy down by the mall-yard.

Grab Your Balls...

(Fuckety fuck fuck fuck...Just thought I'd get THAT over with early. See, I had this post for today. It was going to be beautiful and chilling and heart-warming at it would have totally redeemed me for any prior wrong-doings from before in your hearts and minds. You would have clicked on my little ol' link to read it over and over again, pondering how one chick from freaking DELAWARE could so gracefully intertwine passion and wit.

It was to be my fucking OPUS and shit.

And so, naturally, today is the day that my camera decided to tell me that either I need A: to replace my USB cord for my camera or: B I need to replace my camera. Let's all pray for A, ok?

The gist of the post was that my kid turns 8 today, and I kind of want to cry about that. I'd love to tell you more, but)

....We're going Bowling!

PS: If you must have them, the nitty gritty details are right here.