Bridges, Burning Thereof
Wednesday, January 11, 2012 at 9:31AM | Mr Lady My son came home yesterday with a detention slip (D-Hall, they call it). He's served detention once before, for being late to class because mom, the PE teacher locked us out of the gym after lap time and didn't let us in until after the bell rang! which I used my Little Orphan Annie ring to decode into my friends and I walk the last lap of our mile run because we have to talk about girls and MW3 sometimes, jeez, and because we do this we didn't even get to the doors of the gym until after the bell rang and that jerk of a teacher had the gall to punish us for it.
I made him serve that D-Hall, oh yes I did, and apologize to the PE teacher for disrespecting his class.
I mention this only to establish that I don't have problems with authority figures, nor do I take any issue with a Jr High teacher doing whatever the hell it takes to maintain a semblance of order. You give those kids an inch and they will eat you alive. I get that.
So my son shows me his D-Hall slip and tells me it's for another tardy to class, and I am like OH MY GOD WHY AGAIN? and he explains to me that yesterday was the day he was testing up in orchestra (harder music, better chairs, etc) and so after 2nd period he *ran* his little butt all the way to orchestra because oh em gee mom, I was soooo excited!
You know when you're driving home from work and you get distracted in your head, and then you realize you missed your exit? Yeah, my son has orchestra 4th period, not 3rd.
So he hauled his little butt all the way from downstairs where orchestra is to upstairs where science is and kept getting stopped by hall monitors asking why he was running, so he made it to class two minutes after the bell rang. Because, you know, he was so excited TO TAKE A TEST.
And for that, he got one hour and 50 minutes of detention.
Now, I get it that the school has a tardy=detention policy, which, for the record, is absolutely ridiculous and total overkill and lazy educating, if you ask me. However, my concern with it is more that it is a no-exception rule. EVERY class tardy results in D-Hall, no matter why, no exceptions. Or so I was told by the jerk I had to talk to about this yesterday.
After I went into the school, asked to talk to someone, waited for 20 minutes, got told no one could talk to me, got blank-stared at until they realized I wasn't budging, was offered a phone call in an hour, went home, waited four hours for that phone call, was told that they didn't have time to talk about it but would send my son home and call me later, then called me after dinner, some man I've never met told me that I couldn't do anything about how *he* chose to discipline *my* son.
He was all, "Look, Mr Lady, I get your point that it was an honest mistake, but his actions have consequences and he has to accept them" and I was like, "So you think it's fine to punish him for wanting to take a test?" and he was like, "Yes" and I was like "And you think a two hour detention for a two minute tardy isn't over the top?" and he was all "It doesn't matter if they're five seconds late or five minutes late; a tardy is a tardy and gets DHall" and I said, "So what do we do when I refuse to make him serve this?" and he said, "Um...You can't."
So I said I would think about it and send a note in tomorrow.
But then I thought about it and decided that if I'm going to talk to someone about this, it isn't going to be Captain Brick Wall who forgets that *I* am the child's mother, and once that school bell rings, he has no legal authority over my kid. So I busted out the code of conduct, to find out the appeals process for disciplinary action. And guess what? THERE ISN'T ONE.
You can appeal your death row conviction in Texas, but you can't appeal D-Hall.
But I'm going to anyway. Part of me feels ridiculous, like I should just let him serve the detention and get it over with. All he'll do is sit there for two hours doing homework, and I'll be slightly inconvenienced by needing to go pick him up in rush hour traffic, but this could all be done with today. And if they guy I'd talked to had shown once ounce of willingness to listen to what I was saying, I probably would have gone that route. But if this guy is willing to talk to a parent the way he talked to me, I can't even imagine how he talks to 11 year old children.
So I went over his head.
I emailed the principal last night. The email is cut and pasted after the jump, in case you want to mock my skillz of a tiger mom.
Hello Mrs Principal,
My name is Mr Lady, and I am the parent of two School students. My son, 2of3 (grade 6), was assigned D-Hall yesterday for a tardy, and I do not agree with the d-hall assignment, nor do I intend to have him serve it. i spoke to Mr Jerk (who assigned it to him) and he seems unwilling to work with me on this, so I believe I will need to speak to you.
Background: 2of3 was testing up in orchestra yesterday, and was so excited to take the test that he ran straight from 2nd period to the class. Except, he has orchestra 4th period. His mistake? Absolutely. However, his mistake was in being excited TO TAKE A TEST, and if that makes him 2 minutes late to the class he ran to as soon as he realized his error...well, I just can't believe that we are punishing children for being excited to do better in school. Frankly, it's disgusting.
I have read the code of conduct backwards and forwards and I cannot find a way for parents to appeal a disciplinary action made by staff, but in this instance, I am going to request an appeal anyway. My son is an exemplary student who makes good grades, works very hard and is respectful to his teachers. He has had detention before for a reason that was totally his own fault, and I was happy to support the school's decision to have him serve d-hall at that time. This, however is simply not in the best interest of your student, and even though Mr Jerk made it clear that exceptions are not made, regardless of the reasons for tardies, I find that an unrealistic, inflexible mindset.
I am aware that I am coming off as "that mom" right now, but it is important for me to teach my children that they have the ability to argue that which they feel is unjust. I am teaching him right now how to 'argue" his grades, thereby taking a more active role in his own future, and I simply cannot let this slide. In the real world, which he will enter soon, there is letter of the law, and then there is intent of the law, and in this case, the reasons behind the actions were exactly what we need more of in our students.
I would appreciate it if you could take the time to phone me about this, or I can come into the school to discuss it. 2of3 is slated to make up the d-hall on Thursday, so I need this settled before then. My phone number is 713-867-5309 and I can be reached anytime.
Thank you for your time. I'm sure we can find a solution together.
41 Comments | in It's Elementary | tagged 2of3, child discipline, detention, jr high school Permalink 
Reader Comments (41)
BOOM!
School-folk: you just got served.
I hope you can get this sorted out. This zero-tolerance policy, like many of them, should have room for compromise and debate.
Way to GO Mr. Lady! I'm going to cut and paste this letter into a note somewhere to have on hand when I need it... I'll change the names and the phone number, of course, but the basis for the argument against punishment in this case is sound and well put.
Moms gotta kick some ass sometimes...
Vickie, mom of 2 boys
But WAIT! What did the principal SAY??? This rocks!
All of these "Absolute" rules at school make my blood boil. These are children. Who sometimes make mistakes for the Right reasons. Exceptions should be made.
You go, Mr. Lady! (keep us posted, please??!)
Just one of the many reasons we homeschool. Good job on the letter - can't wait to hear the outcome!
I think that your argument is valid, well worded, and important. Yes, 2of3 made a mistake, but on the scale of mistakes to make in school, being excited for a test, being gung-ho about excelling? Yeah, it's on the "not a big deal" end of that scale.
Also, I think the school not having a formal appeal process is lame, I can see how it could get crazy, with nutso parents making all sorts of craziness to protect their precious kids from responsibility, but in this case? I think you did right.
You'll let us know what happens, yes?
xox
you GO, mom. i'll take the "that mom" designation any day for righteous irritation! :-)
Good on you. But I totally want to know how this plays out. There's no way in hell I'd be letting my kid serve a two hour d-hall for this type of infraction.
This is beyond ridiculous and shame on this school policy. Texas, you done wrong.
Your damn blog just ate my comment and didn't even burp afterwards.
Anyways.
To sum it up: Good on you. Bad Texas school. BAAAAD.
PLEASE be sure to update us on the end result. I would probably choose the same path you have, so I want to know how it turns out!
Well done. Isn't it amazing how the idea of "reasonable" as an approach no longer works?
Go get 'em. Can't wait to hear the outcome.
Sometimes bureaucrats forget that the purpose of school is to educate. Education isn't only learning what's printed in the books. Education involves learning about life and all the intricacies involved with it. You can teach more with a meaningful exception than with blind adherence to a rule or ideology. Too bad they forget that. I really hope that principal is a person with principles.
I have missed many a highway exit in my day, too.
Nicely done!
Um... you want your phone number in the blog post?
There are two issues here. First one you addressed, that of the lack of appeal process. The second, which you should bring up to the school board is how you were treated.
While I'm not sure that I would have taken the same route, I appreciate the underlying principle you're teaching your kids here. If you don't think it's fair, you need to speak up.
There's also the lesson of picking your battles, but that's my issue (with my kids who have no problem crusading for every perceived injustice (which are usually non-issues)), not yours.
I hope you can restore some rationality to the school's rules. Keep us posted.
oh...
I would hope that the pricipal would see that there is something very important about this situation. Not just that there needs to be an appeal process and some flexibility in the teachers enforcing the "Law." But that you are taking the time to teach your children actual life skills, not just to door mat through life. Bigger picture FTW.
I love that Mr. Jerk talked to you like that... if he is willing to treat a parent like that, how do you think it's going over with the students? Some (not all, but a select few) teachers and administrators let their power trips go to their heads. It is absolutely ridiculous for him to tell you that there is nothing that you can do about it. Umm... PTA much? Yeah, they have a big influence on the school districts' decisions and can definitely appeal to that level if they feel it's necessary. However, this is so small I can't believe you even had to address the principal. Go Mama Bear! Can you tell that I'm "that mom" too? You HAVE to be- no one else is going to be your child's advocate.
So completely the right thing to do, Mr. Lady!
I am glad you stood up for your kid. There is a time and place for everything and this wasn't the time for that punishment. My kid got d-hall for fighting at school when a girl jerked a ball away from him and he jerked it back, and of course she didn't get d-hall, but the part that really chapped me was that since it was private school and they didn't have money in the budget for a d-hall teacher, they billed me for it, I had to pay $25 for my son to attend d-hall. Sigh...
Dear Diary,
I want to do my life over again so Mr. Lady can be my mom.
Signed,
1986 High School Hellion
I cannot wait for the follow up to this article. The guy (in my opinion) who gave the detention has issues. I am sure this probably has something to do with the detentions that he received as a kid. Payback time on his part.
Good for you! I like me some mama tiger. We had a meeting yesterday at the shelter I work at and discussed this issue. Rules that have no flexibility or are not at all client centered (read student centered). I call it the DMV zone. Where you can be treated like a number-like shit- and you really just have to make the best of it and move on. School should not be like that. Unacceptable!
I'm not quite sure how to respond here. On one hand, I applaud you for being the lone parent who actually gives a damn about her kid's education but on the other hand, I think the kids these days need to deal with consequences. In your example, of missing the exit and having to go to the next one, do a turn around and then you're 5 minutes late....well you know as well as I do that Taco Bell doesn't give a crap about your excuses.
As a teacher of college age kids who have zero concept of consequences these days, I see it all the time - kids think they can be the exception to the rule each and every time. My husband teaches high school and sadly, every single parent and every single kid thinks they are the exception to the rule.
As a parent, I agree that a 2 hour detention is a bit insane....a bit overkill.
I don't have a problem with you arguing your point with the school :-) I think it shows you give a damn. But if you spent just a day screening the phone calls that the principals get about this that and the other and how some kid should be exempt from detention because he sneezed and should actually get a trophy instead, you might see the principal's point (or Mr. Jerk....idk though...I'd have been totally pissed if I'd waited all day to talk to someone and nothing was offered).
I hope you're not offended; I'm giving you the other side :-)
As a former teacher, I think you were completely right to do what you did. We had parents threaten or go to the school district office when they were unhappy about something done at my school, and that makes the school administration take notice very quickly. The principal does not really like having to justify himself/herself to the superintendent. I'm not saying it's an action to be taken lightly , but if you can't get an answer from the school, take it to the district office. Please be sure to post an update!
I absolutely would not allow him to serve detention... I have always been amazed at how every constitutional right you have doesn't seem to apply when you are at school. Your example works perfectly.
Policies like that are because administration is LAZY. Let us know how it plays out.
Why are you so determined to fight this battle for him? He ran into a bad rule. It happens. Not every bump in the road needs to be smoothed. Why are you trying to make an exception instead of having him learn, yeah, sometimes you get the short stick and you just have to deal with it
It sounds like you have actually spent close to, if not more than, two hours on this. So he can't spare two hours, but you can?
I get your kid was excited, I do. That is great. But if I got so excited about a big presentation that I went at the wrong time and was late, I would have blown it. Sad, but that's life.
There will be so many times in his (every child's) future where society, life, chance, whatever, will knock him down and he will have to learn to deal with it. He will undoubtedly learn that lesson again and again as we all do, in time. Sure, we've gotta choose our battles and let some things fall by the wayside. That said, this battle was worth choosing. It's not wrong, nor is it asking to much to expect your child's school to nurture kids' love of learning and treat them with some modicum of dignity. IMHO, school "rules" are supposed to be in place to provide structure for children who are having issues with authority, or deliberately causing trouble, or plotting to blow up the school, etc... None of which would even remotely apply to your son on the day he was issued the big D. He was being a good boy. If anything, he deserved positive reinforcement for his enthusiasm. 2of3 is entitled to learn the lesson that behaving well can elicit positive rewards in life, and that standing up for oneself is not a terrible thing.
PLEASE SAY THAT ISN'T YOUR REAL PHONE NUMBER!!!
Of course that isn't her real phone number because her name is not Jenny.
Yeah, I am so a child of the 80's too.
Good for you!!! Can't wait to hear what happens......
It's a double-edged sword. Being on time is a way to show respect and there will be many many instances in adult life when no one would care about the why behind being tardy. You're late. You blew it. That's it. Perhaps the intent behind the letter of the law on D-Hall for tardiness is to teach the lesson of respect for time. I am hoping that it is the case and not just bureaucratic convenience.
That being said, I agree that there is room for flexibility, but this is a flexibility that can and should be applied to all and not just one. The exception cannot be made for this one time alone because there may have been many others who were denied the same "justice".
I hope the school takes this positively and invites dialogue among parents so everyone can work towards positive (and welcomed) change.
I am a school administrator and I can tell you that if there isn't an appeal process, you can fight for one and legally, education legally, your son is entitled to it. Good luck. If only more kids were that excited to take tests. Wait, there are more kids like that...love em all.
Zero Tolerance policies suck. And not being at least listened to by a teacher, or anyone in the school at all? Double suck.
Good for you for teaching your son to take the consequences for his actions, AND for teaching him how to speak up respectfully and be heard.
If only he could claim he was surfing the crimson wave and had to haul ass to the ladies.
Can't wait to hear how this turns out.
Boo-Yah! Also, you have the same phone number as Jenny, weird.
But if this guy is willing to talk to a parent the way he talked to me, I can't even imagine how he talks to 11 year old children.
Exactly. Respect for children.
I go crazy, and I don't care who sees it, when the school does this. Respect for each other on this planet, 0 days old or 100 years old.
Just stumbled on your blog!! Can I just say......you are awesome!!!
I know I'm going to seem awful for saying this, but as someone who has taught at a school that did not have ANY tardy policy, and who went to a school that had a similar policy to your son's school, frankly I'd take the school who was a little too agro over the permissive school. At least your kid can concentrate because people aren't coming and going as they please. And you have to know if you give a kid an inch, they'll take a yard. At least your kid doesn't get it in his head to pull that PE thing on a regular basis. At least your admin isn't spending half his time corralling the jerkwad kids who got away with the PE stunt half the time or calling their parents, etc. I'm sorry. I've seen both ways of doing things. Crazy, stupid strict is better.
Though two hours is WAY too much! I never got that much for being late, even when it was because I wanted Mc D's french fries or to curl my hair before school!