The best part of waking up is disdain in your cup.

We overslept this morning, because it's the first day of school for a lot of you and since we're already two weeks in, which is like twenty months in school-years, we figured we'd do you all a solid and go ahead and realize that nightmare you sat up having all night, that you'd oversleep and miss all the buses and the crying and the separation anxiety this morning.

We're givers. You're welcome.

So I'm driving my sons to their junior high school this morning and we're lined up at the light that is always backed up 16 3/172 of a mile to go straight onto the highway, but what we need is the turn lane that is about to get the green signal and has exactly zero cars in. Unfortunately, we are stuck behind the white Ford dually that perfected Freudian marketing to Caucasian heterosexuals which is completely cock-blocking me from catching the turn signal, and since I'm sitting there next to a rather large church, behind a huge, bulging pickup, I do what any attendance-office fearing woman in my position would do; with arm outstretched to heaven, I start singing spir'tuals in my verybest baritone.


My 13 year old heathen turns to me, rolls his eyes and says, "Mother? Sometimes you disappoint me."