;)
Would you be mine, could you be mine, won't you be my village?
::ties shoelaces::
Dear Internet,
Meet 2of3. 2of3 is, by every definition of the word, my middle child. He is silly and outlandish and hysterical and he feels *everything* and he needs validation on a constant basis and absolutely must be accepted into social circles and is in no way, shape of form afraid of color.
While every other jr high school boy is wearing enough black that they, themselves, become matter-sucking holes in the universe, with emovers, my 2of3 is wearing purple t-shirts or pink polos with these.
;)
He is the kind of person who isn't able to bring himself to actually *do* silly things, but he sure as shit will wear them. I have no idea where he gets this from, but I love it about him. In a world of carbon-copied mediocrity, my son has a style that is all his own, and he rocks the shit out of it.
Rocked.
Jr High School has done what Jr High School does to all of us eventually. My son spent the better part of the day listening to people point and laugh at his *girl* shoes. GIRL SHOES, INTERNETS.
And just like that, he doesn't want to wear his shoes to school anymore. Just like that, his power animal inhaled a Marlboro red and was all, "Slide, bitch."
If Jr High School sucks the originality out of the one child in this school zone who has any, I just won't be able to go on. I need him to be able to confidently walk into school tomorrow being the person he is, the Greyscaled Axe mafia be damned.
Of course, I just want to go punch them all in their throats, so I need you, internet, to help me fight pre-pubescence with fire. He needs a comeback line, one great line to say that will give him his mojo back. Preferably one that won't also get him suspended.
::buttons up cardigan::
2of3, bullies, confidence, emo, fashion, teasing | in Audience Participation, Boys will be boys, It's Elementary | Permalink 
Reader Comments (23)
"If you don't wanna TASTE one of my girl shoes, then you better keep walking."
(Better than my first thought which pertained to how one of his girl shoes might feel lodged in someone's ass.)
Hmmmm... no help for 2of3. For 3of3, the ultimate line is "I know you are but what am I?" Don't think that works so well with pre-teens though.
I might come here again once I think of some more, but the immediate one that comes to mind is
"that's not what your mom said last night."
Does the mere implication of inter-generational carnal behavior get you suspended these days?
Or... "I chose these shoes; that's more than you can say about your face"
"Since when are you guys so up on fashion? You been watching Next Top Model with your moms?"
"so let me get this right, I should look like all you boneheads, who instead of talking to girls are FASHION POLICING MY SHOES."
"you're just jealous cause your mom wants to buy you shoes that other BOYS find attractive. Just sayin."
"That's funny, cause girls don't focus on the color, they focus on the SIZE. Bitches."
"girls shoes? As in they attract girls? Hell yeah they do. See you losers later."
"girls shoes? Do you think they'll still be girls shoes when covered with your blood?"
"Girls shoes? Your mom has the same shoes, mens size 14."
Oh! Oh! I have more...
if a girl teases him about them, say "yeah, you're right. These would probably fit your elephant feet."
If it's a boy, say "it's really masculine of you to observe what I'm wearing. Did you notice what color underwear I had too?"
I'm here all week.
Ok- I SUCK at come backs. So I can't help with that, but I will say- those are some SUPER rocking shoes- and both of my boys said they would rock them!
Also- I give your little dude mad props for being himself and not just blending in with the "in" (boring) crowd. No one who ever made it as any thing in life has been a boring character.
"All the better to kick your ass with. Make sure you can see my foot coming."
Sorry for 2of3. I always equate Middle School with The Lord Of The Flies. The kids just kind of feed off of each other. The kids who are able to maintain something that resembles sanity and individuality find themselves in great peril.
My son would absolutely love those shoes, and it will kill me the day someone does that to him. Have him find a pic of a badass athlete wearing them.
As a middle school teacher, I can approve of all those comebacks out of ear shot of teachers or prudes.
Well all of the above are killer responses. I'll just share that I was made fun of and bullied in jr high. Granted it was decades ago. But I would usually reply with a "yeah? Your momma is fat" or a kick to the shins. Didn't do wonders for me but I survived. Jr high sucks.
God, I hated school. You couldn't pay me to go back. You tell him that kids made fun of my alphabet hi-top Converse in 5th grade and now I'm a bartender.
Wait, leave that part out.
Tell him I'm a doctor or some shit and tell him I said to tell those kids to suck it.
Ahhhh... Thank you for reaffirming why I homeschool. Especially through middle school. Middle schoolers are horrid beasts to each other.
The guys gave him some good come backs up there. I'm sure you've told him many times, but reinforce that it's the UNIQUE people who make it big in the world; both financially and personally. Nobody stands out by blending in. Do we like celebrities because they are exactly like us? No. We like them because they are UNIQUE.
"I may have awesome shoes that I can change in a heartbeat but you'll always be an ass."
OK, perhaps not so great.
"Justin Bieber gave me these shoes."
Clearly I suck at this.
Good luck 2of3
This might be a little above junior high in a non-Canadian school... or at least where they are not learning french... "Oh, so we are assigning genders to inanimant objects now. Have I been speaking french without knowing it again?"
This might be borderline on the who suspension thing...
"What makes them girl shoes? I don't see any breasts on them. I see a dick in your shoes but that don't make your shoes particularly masculine.
"These are the 'Girl Shoes' I was wearing when I got my black belt" (followed by a fist flurry)
clothes shopping with my soon to be 20 yr old to update classy clothes, I picked a shirt and tie. it was 2 for 1 so i said, pick what you want: Pink shirt and pink and blue tie. self confidence personified. encourage your boy to be himself. my son is not gay btw.
@Tottal Random Jen wins. I busted out laughing at work, then shared it with a couple of guys and they love this one:
"What makes them girl shoes? I don't see any breasts on them. I see a dick in your shoes but that don't make your shoes particularly masculine."
With this small change:
"What makes them girl shoes? I don't see any breasts on them. I see a dick in your shoes but that don't make them boy shoes."
Good luck 2of3 - Middle school sux :P
I would go with @Tottal Random Jen/@Daisy.
As someone who barely survived junior high but has managed to shepherd almost 3 sons through it, I have found it's all in the attitude. Hell, my 8th grader (the one who hasn't made it through quite yet) wore his GIRLFRIEND'S sneakers to school for a couple of days. They had neon pink trim. I'm not sure why or even pretend to understand but he does have the attitude to get away with it.
You KNOW how I can't believe it. Where has the time gone????
Okay, I don't have a witty comeback for my lookalike child.
However, I just showed those shoes to Frac and Frac would like Mini-Me to know that at 6 feet, 1 inch tall, he'd proudly rock those shoes right beside him because he thinks they are awesome. And if he had his druthers, he'd be wearing the identical shoes right along side MiniMe and do some serious ass-whooping on the haters. (His words not mine.)
My daughter said she'd totally date a boy who had the cojones to rock those shoes.
So, rock on 2of3 with your big bad shoes. They are ass-kickers at their finest.
I think these are the best.
BusyDad: "I chose these shoes; that's more than you can say about your face"
TRJ/Daisy: "What makes them girl shoes? I don't see any breasts on them. I see a dick in your shoes but that don't make them boy shoes."
I have nothing brilliant to add, but I do want to say that I would have thought those shoes were awesome on a guy when I was his age (and that was back when "awesome" really meant something). Good for him for wearing what he likes.
I was picked on in Jr. High. And High school. A lot. I became well armed with a number of sayings both at the ready as well as some I could just whip up at the moment. Some comments depended on the size of the person making the offending remark, or if they were in a group or three or more. Always in the back of my mind was if these were the kind of kids who would find me after school and punch me. Whatever 2of3 says, reading the situation is critical. Even saying nothing.
My favorites:
BusyDad's "I chose these shoes; that's more than you can say about your face"
Curtis Silver's "Since when are you guys so up on fashion? You been watching Next Top Model with your moms?" and "That's funny, cause girls don't focus on the color, they focus on the SIZE. Bitches."
best one is Jen & Daisy's "What makes them girl shoes? I don't see any breasts on them. I see a dick in your shoes but that don't make them boy shoes."
I would have probably said something along the lines of "At least I'm secure enough in my own manhood to have my own sense of style instead of following along with the rest herd like a mindless sheep."
My daughter has been through this, but my sons are 9 & 5 so I realize there's a boy/girl difference here. Junior high sucks...and there's no getting around it. I wouldn't worry too much about one incident here; there's a good chance, if your kid is as confident as he sounds, that he will wear the shoes again and be proud. My daughter found 6th grade hellish (or maybe that was my interpretation as I watched her morph into the goth-I'm-so-original look) but by 8th grade she was her own person again. Still is. As a parent, you just need to reassure and encourage, but keep it non-pushy. Junior high is that tightrope walk and if you push too hard, they fall the other way. I remember when Rachel was going to the first junior high dance, we found a cute black dress with red trimmings and then were at a loss for shoes because goth kids (not that SHE was goth, if you asked her, she was "just herself" but yes, she was goth) didn't wear fancy shoes. So my daughter, in all her glory, found some red ribbon and tied up her black Converse with them and looked stinkin' adorable. I walked them into the gym (cuz I'm the uncool mom who does things like that) and I kept hearing all these kids going "oh Rachel that's so cute...look at your shoes" and NOT in a sarcastic way either. I think that was a moment when she realized she could start being herself a bit.
oh my - i just found your blog and read all the comments. The dick in your shoes come back is beyond. Love. It. I hope he's rockin' those.
Another option:
Chicks dig 'em, and all I know are blue shoes are better than blue BALLS.